Two Pints Of Lager And A Packet Of Crisps

Flo wants Donna to move out but she's staying put. Gaz becomes worried when he thinks Donna's moving into his flat.

Flo wants her daughter Donna to move out but Donna isn't budging. Gaz thinks she has other ideas when he finds her toothbrush has moved into his flat. When Donna leaves her cup on his table, uses his razor and finishes his crossword, Gaz is convinced that she's 'merging'.

Meanwhile Janet thinks that Jonny doesn't fancy her anymore. Donna reassures her that Jonny is not supposed to fancy her anymore because they've been together so long. Somehow these words fail to comfort Janet. She plans a surprise meal for Jonny - hoping to lure him back using the age-old tradion of 'turnip swan carving' and some new lingerie from Gossards.

Jonny misinterprets Janet's knicker-buying spree and is convinced that she's 'riding the love train to Cheatsville' with an Italian hunk. How to rectify this problem? Jonny decides to give 'Pedro' a good bashing with his weapon of choice - eggs in a sock.

All is right with the world when Jonny finds out the meal is for him and proves to Janet that he does fancy her. After all, who picks her up off the pavement on Friday nights and holds her hair back when she's being sick?

Louise is also having man trouble. She fancies a guy called Kev who is, in Janets' words, 'camper than a row of tents with gay men in them, sniffing poppers'. Louise sets out to prove them wrong. When she fails, she rejoices in being a fag-hag instead. For every cloud...