Two Pints Of Lager And A Packet Of Crisps

Janet agrees to quit smoking when Jonny tells her he doesn't like it. Meanwhile Louise arranges to meet her secret admirer. It turns out to be an old school mate, David Fish. Thanks to 'Oil of Ulay', David has cured his problem skin and is now rather fit.

Janet agrees to quit smoking when Jonny tells her he doesn't want to be stood at the altar with her 'in an iron lung couging blood and phlegm' at him. Nicotine deprivation makes her violently horny - with the emphasis on 'violent'. Jonny decides he prefers the old, cuddly Janet and hands her a fag.

Gaz thinks Donna doesn't fancy him anymore because she doesn't want to have sex every night. After Jonny suggests Gaz buys Donna some sex aids, Donna comes home to find Gaz has gotten sexperimental with whipped cream and bondage gear. She runs out of the flat screaming, 'Pervert'.

Louise thinks her life is in danger when she arranges to meet her secret admirer. The admirer turns out to be an old school mate, David Fish. Thanks to 'Oil of Ulay', David has cured his problem skin and is now rather fit.