The Wright Way

Gerald Wright

Gerald Wright believes himself to be a reasonable and rational man living in a largely unreasonable and irrational world. For Gerald, 'The Wright Way' is the only way, whether it's loading the dishwasher, emptying an overstuffed swing bin, keeping order in the 12-items-or-less queue or enforcing bowl-loading etiquette at the Pizza Hut Salad Bar. What is more, he will not compromise, even with Valerie his wife, whom he adores but who sadly has left him over his objection to her having left a bit of butter in the Marmite.

Gerald works for Basselricky Council as Head of Health and Safety. He is a dedicated and selfless public servant, revered by his team and loathed by his nemesis, the Mayor. Gerald's mission is to irradiate all risk within his municipal jurisdiction. Even, as he his anxious to stress, if no such risk exists.

Malika Maha

Malika is the closest thing to a second in command that Gerald has at work and is even more fiercely zealous about risk management than he is. For Malika, the perfect town would be one in which absolutely nothing is allowed at all.

Gerald hugely admires Malika's passion and is also not indifferent to her personal charms. However, they clash as often as they agree, which leads to a tense and fiery relationship, particularly with the work's annual Strictly night approaching, an event that Gerald and Valerie have previously dominated and Malika is determined to win.

Clive Beeches

Clive is the youngest member of the Health and Safety Team, a gentle soul with a sweet disposition. He tries to see the best in people and look on the bright side, which isn't always easy considering his girlfriend Yvonne's ongoing digestive complaints and bladder infections.

Clive's main weakness is his incorrigibly sweet tooth, which can lead to friction in the office, not least when a communal box of Celebrations is found to mysteriously contain no Caramels or Malteaser Teasers.

Bernard Stanning

Bernard is the fourth and most hapless member of Gerald's Health and Safety Team. Middle aged and single, he'd prefer to be neither but you can't have everything and there's always the pub.

It's hard to question your lot in life when there's a pint in your hand, pork scratchings on the table, a bit of Quo on the jukebox and a nice quiz just about to start.

Bernard is very happy in his own skin, which is fortunate since nobody else would ever wish to occupy it.

Valerie Wright

Gerald had a good marriage - it's just that in the end he ground her down. So much so that she eventually left him for her personal trainer, an apparently feckless Australian who, to Gerald's horror and utter incomprehension, waxes his chest.

We sense that Gerald and Valerie's story is not over yet but currently she is happy enjoying the attentions of a her laid-back (and very buff) boyfriend. She also finds it nice to be living with someone who lets her put a wet tea spoon back in the sugar bowl without creating an atmosphere for the rest of the evening.

Sue

Susan - Sue for short - is Gerald's daughter. In her early 20s, she's feisty, grounded and capable, except when trying to manipulate her parents' fractured marriage.

Sue runs her own small plumbing business and recently took on her first employee, a bloke who promptly plumbed the grey water into the immersion tank at a local care home, thus causing all the old ladies to have a hot flush. Sue sacked him and now he's suing her.

Vic

Victoria is Sue's partner and the third member of Gerald's modern household. Definitely a few tracks short of a full iPod, she's as vague and unfocussed as Gerald is finicky and fastidious. Luckily she is also warm, sunny and endlessly enthusiastic, which ensures that Gerald never stays exasperated with her for long.

Vic's big ambition is to become a club DJ but so far she's never actually had a gig; however, being a perpetual optimist, she never lets harsh realities stand in the way of dreaming the dream.

Mrs Jonson

Mrs Johnson is the council office cleaner. Fiercely protective of her toilets and her Spray n' Wipe, Mrs Johnson seems fated to be forever discovering Gerald in compromising but entirely innocent situations. As Gerald tries to explain, how else was he supposed to straighten out the crash test dummy?

Mayor Len Winkler

The Head of Basselricky council, a man whose pomposity and unashamed self-interest naturally drew him to a career in local politics. The pretentious and convoluted manner in which he communicates is matched only by the complex manner in which he justifies his expenses claims.

Like Malika, he sees Gerald's recent divorce as an opportunity to finally triumph at the upcoming Big Ballroom Night.