The IT Crowd

Quotes

They should call dates spend some time with a big fat loser!

Jen (Katherine Parkinson)

I can see why she's divorced, she's very divorceable. As soon as you meet her you can't wait to take her to court to get rid of her.

Moss (Richard Ayoade)

Denholm explains to Jen what the upstairs is like

That's the sort of place this is, Jen. A lot of sexy people not doing much work and having affairs.

Denholm Reynholm (Chris Morris) in Series 1, Episode 1

Roy: How hard is it to remember 911?

Moss: You mean 999.

Ow. Four! I mean, five! I mean, fire!

Moss (Richard Ayoade) in Series 1, Episode 2

Moss emails the Fire Brigade

Dear Sir stroke Madam, I am writing to inform you of a fire which has broken out on the premises of... no, that's too formal.

Dear Sir stroke Madam. Fire... exclamation mark. Fire... exclamation mark. Help me... exclamation mark. 123 Carrendon Road. Looking forward to hearing from you. All the best, Maurice Moss.

Moss (Richard Ayoade) in Series 1, Episode 2

JEN? Is Roy off the phone yet? The spider is now upon my person.

Moss (Richard Ayoade) in Series 1, Episode 3

Roy: Really? You do the whole Lonely Hearts thing?

Moss: I'm a 32 year old IT-man who works in a basement. Yes, I do the whole Lonely Hearts thing!

Moss corrects Roy's singing

Roy: We don't need no education.

Moss: Yes you do. You've just used a double negative.

in Series 1, Episode 4

Roy: I can't believe there's a psychiatrist in the building. All because those two from accounts just had enough of everything and wanted to go to the seaside.

Moss: The seaside? They committed suicide, Roy.

Roy: Moss, how would you feel about a big girls night out?

Moss: That depends Roy. How big are the girls?

Jen and Moss reading the poster for the gay musical

Jen: The story of a young man trying to find his sexuality... Warning. Includes scenes of graphic homo-eroticism.

Moss: Augh, no! ... It's set in the 80's!

in Series 2, Episode 1

Hope it doesn't sound arrogant, when I say that I am the greatest man in the world!

Denholm Reynholm (Chris Morris) in Series 2, Episode 2

Jen misinterprets Richmond's dress sense

Jen: Nooooo, Richmond, you are NOT coming to the funeral!

Richmond: What funeral?

in Series 2, Episode 2

Jen sees through Douglas' excuse

Jen: What do you want then?

Douglas: Er... something work related.

Jen: What department is this?

Douglas: Sorry?

Jen: Well, if it's work related you'd obviously know what department this is. What department is this?

Douglas: (looking at Roy and Moss) Some sort of homosexual department?

in Series 2, Episode 3

Prepare to put mustard on those words, for you will soon be consuming them along with this slice of humble pie, that comes direct from the oven of shame, set at gas mark 'egg on your face'.

Moss (Richard Ayoade) in Series 2, Episode 5

Roy prank calls a pizza delivery company

Hello, I'd like to order a pizza please (giggles to himself)... and can I have it with extra grapes? (giggles even more)

Roy (Chris O'Dowd) in Series 2, Episode 6

accepts a game of Street Countdown

I came here to drink milk and kick ass... and I've just finished my milk.

Moss (Richard Ayoade) in Series 4, Episode 2