Taskmaster

Greg and Alex welcome Alan Davies, Desiree Burch, Guz Khan, Morgana Robinson and Victoria Coren Mitchell with tasks featuring creepers, catapults and one (fake) cactus.

Prize task: The thing that, if you put it in a bag and sit on it, it would feel the nicest.

* Desiree Burch: Chicken fillets, as a substitute for human breasts. - 5
* Alan Davies: An inflatable car cushion and an electric toothbrush. - 4
* Victoria Coren Mitchell: (Fake) Diamonds. - 3
* Morgana Robinson: A spinning washing machine. - 2
* Guz Khan: A chair from the Taskmaster set. - 1

Task 1: Strike Alex with a ball. Alex may not run, hide or leave the Taskmaster grounds. Fastest wins. Your time starts now. (The contestants are wearing video cameras, and Alex can see the camera feed.)

* Morgana: 2:04, plus a bonus point for calling Alex Horne: "a little fucker." - 6
* Desiree: 6:03 - 4
* Victoria: 7:24 - 3
* Guz: 7:29 - 2
* Alan: 10:22 - 1

Task 2: Paint the most flattering picture of the Taskmaster in action on the canvas in the lab. The canvas will either be six inches or six feet above you. You must lie flat on your back on the creeper at all times. You have ten minutes. Your time starts now and you must tell Alex if you want the canvas to be six inches or six feet above you within the next ten seconds.

* Guz - 5
* Alan - 4
* Desiree - 3
* Morgana - 2
* Victoria - 1

Task 3: Pop the balloon. You must stay behind the rope at all times. You must not move the rope. You may buy the tools you need with time. Fastest wins. Your time starts when Alex has shown you his tool shop. (Tools for sale - Slingshot and bucket of stones: 1:00, Pebbles: 1:30 each, Forks: 2:00 each, Darts: 2:30 each, Rubber ducks: Free, Portcullis scissors: 8:00.)

* Alan: 9:00 - 5
* Victoria: 25:30 - 4
* Guz: 36:58 - 3
* Morgana: 56:00 - 2
* Desiree: 2:57:00 - 1

Live task, Part 1: Write down a cool hobby, a fun animal and a famous person. You have 30 seconds. Part 2: Strike a pose to represent first your cool hobby, then your fun animal, then your famous person. You will have ten seconds to strike a pose and must then hold the pose until the end of the round. The Taskmaster will attempt to guess what each pose represents. You may not make a noise or movement when posed. Most accurate guesses wins.

* Morgana: 1.5 correct guesses - 5
* Desiree and Guz: 1 correct guess - 3
* Alan and Victoria: No correct guesses - 1

Final scores

* Morgana - 17
* Desiree - 16
* Alan - 15
* Guz - 14
* Victoria - 12