Television
TV schedule Thursday 12th March 2020
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Old Mother Riley In Paris
A repeat of this 1938 film.
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Only When I Laugh
Series 1, Episode 4 - The Man With The FaceArchie's lothario-like tendencies are coming back to haunt him when he's convinced he's being stalked by a Greek madman for besmirching his fiancée...
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Twirlywoos
Series 3, Episode 14 - More About SmallerThe Twirlywoos watch an artist make his clay sculpture's head smaller. The Twirlywoos then have a go and make the whole sculpture smaller and smaller until it is smaller than the Twirlywoos!
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Timmy Time
Series 1, Episode 25 - Timmy's MaskTimmy makes a dinosaur mask, puts it on and roars like a T-rex. Timmy loves his mask and won't take it off.
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Dennis & Gnasher Unleashed!
Series 1, Episode 48 - Double CrustWhen Crusty the robot pie spy is forced by Doctor Pfooflepfeffer to send her photos of Professor Screwtop's latest inventions, the gang get their own back by tricking Crusty into sending her the silliest inventions they can think of.
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The Piglet Files
Series 2, Episode 2 - Red Spy At NightDrummond is more than a little surprised when an agent, buried 12 years ago, rings his front door bell at 11pm with a list of KGB informants and spies. However, he's delighted to find Maxwell's name on the list, and puts Piglet and Dexter on the case immediately. Could it possibly be true?
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Danger Mouse
Series 2, Episode 36 - Bot BattlesThere's relief all around when Penfold's pilfering of Squawk's gadgets and clandestine late night trips to shady warehouses turns out to preparation for his taking part in 'bot battles'.
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Bitz & Bob
Series 1, Episode 2 - Marmalade MayhemBitz is excited to be serving her yummy Bitz mix marmalade to lots of hungry customers at the Jungle Cafe.
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As Time Goes By
Series 5, Episode 5 - Broadcast PlansThe big day arrives: broadcast of Just Two People on American television. Alistair intends to Lionel and Jean to New York to watch it go out live; but how will it be received? Back in London, glumness sets in.
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Mr Bean
Series 1, Episode 16 - Dead CatWhile trying to redecorate the hall, Bean is obstructed at every turn by his landlady's vile one-eyed cat. Bean pops it in the dustbin to keep it out of the way for a while. Just his luck that it is rubbish collection day.
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Go Jetters
Series 2, Episode 13 - Central Park, New YorkAs Xuli, Lars and Foz enjoy the view from the Statue of Liberty, they spot a blanket of smog covering the New York skyline.
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Mr Bean
Series 1, Episode 31 - Super TrolleyNipping to the shops for a few provisions proves a nightmare for Bean when a mile-long shopping list from his landlady and a clapped-out trolley with a wonky wheel conspire to ruin his day. So he constructs his own trolley, with a petrol mower, pram wheels and an extra pair of hydraulic hands.
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The Good Life
Series 3, Episode 3 - A Tug Of The ForelockIn order to pay for fuel for their new 'transportation' the Goods offer to work for the Leadbetters as cleaners while theirs are away. The arrangement does not operate smoothly as Margo has no time for the Goods sense of humour during work hours. However after a swift sacking and a drawn out rehiring, things improve.
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Justin's House
Series 4, Episode 1 - Justin's Last BadgeThings don't quite go as planned when Justin tries to get his last and most important Rambling Ranger badge - the Wild Camping badge.
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Man About The House
Series 1, Episode 7 - No Children, No DogsThe flat's thrown into disarray when Robin's friend Larry leaves them with a puppy. With Mr. Roper strictly prohibiting all animals, the trio struggle to keep their new flatmate under wraps.
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Porridge
Series 3, Episode 6 - Final StretchGodber's case is coming up before the parole board, and with his clean record and his O Levels, he's sure to sail through it. Unless his feud with Jarvis - all brawn but little brain - escalates. Can he turn the other cheek, or has a man got to do what a man's got to do?
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Timmy Time
Series 2, Episode 1 - Timmy Learns MagicTimmy is thrilled when he sees Osbourne practising a conjuring act, so he tries to do magic himself.
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Thunder In The City
An American marketing genius visits his near-penniless English relatives and sets about restoring their aristocratic fortune.
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Man About The House
Series 2, Episode 1 - While The Cat's AwayWhilst the Ropers visit a friend (much to George's disapproval) overnight, Robin, Chrissy and Jo take the chance to host a party in their flat. Robin and Chrissy have particular cause to hope the evening goes well.
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Twirlywoos
Series 4, Episode 24 - More About OutThe Twirlywoos are by the coast and they watch as a tired walker takes a rest on a bench.
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Hi-De-Hi!
Series 7, Episode 4 - God Bless Our FamilyClive's family arrives en masse to stop his marriage to Gladys. Does this give Clive the excuse he's been looking for?
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Millie Inbetween
A selection of episodes from the fourth and fifth series of the children's sitcom.
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Sooty
Series 2, Episode 2 - The New BuildingIt is the ceremonial grand opening of Mr Slater's new toilet block, but chaos looms when it becomes apparent that builders Sooty and Sweep have forgotten to install the vital component - a toilet! Can they get it fitted in time, or will Richard's career end up round the bend?
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That's My Boy
Series 4, Episode 1 - Moving OutRobert's got a new job as a GP up in Yorkshire, but first he has to tell his other mother they're going away - and then there's finding a removal company willing to do the job...
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Last Of The Summer Wine
A selection of episodes from the first and second series of Britain's longest-running sitcom.
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Minder
Series 2, Episode 13 - A Lot Of Bull And A Pat On The BackTerry is up to his neck in it when Arthur despatches him to the country to make a very unusual repossession.
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Waffle The Wonder Dog
Series 1, Episode 1 - Meeting WaffleEvie's mum, Jess, has just married Doug's dad, Simon. The new family get home to discover a lost puppy hiding in their wedding presents. Evie wants to keep him and call him Waffle.
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Keeping Up Appearances
Series 5, Episode 3Richard forgets his wedding anniversary but saves the day by alarming Hyacinth.
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Porridge
Series 3, Episode 6 - Final StretchGodber's case is coming up before the parole board, and with his clean record and his O Levels, he's sure to sail through it. Unless his feud with Jarvis - all brawn but little brain - escalates. Can he turn the other cheek, or has a man got to do what a man's got to do?
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Twirlywoos
Series 3, Episode 3 - More About Up And DownThe Robot visits the Twirlywoos on the Big Red Boat. The Twirlywoos take turns to turn the Robot's key which causes the Robot to shoot up and down, taking Chickedy and Chick with it!
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Hi-De-Hi!
Series 7, Episode 4 - God Bless Our FamilyClive's family arrives en masse to stop his marriage to Gladys. Does this give Clive the excuse he's been looking for?
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The Good Life
Series 3, Episode 3 - A Tug Of The ForelockIn order to pay for fuel for their new 'transportation' the Goods offer to work for the Leadbetters as cleaners while theirs are away. The arrangement does not operate smoothly as Margo has no time for the Goods sense of humour during work hours. However after a swift sacking and a drawn out rehiring, things improve.
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Almost Never
Series 1, Episode 6 - The Middle EightHarry falls under the spell of a serious musician and falls out with Nathaniel over the musical direction of the band. But is Trinity, Harry's new mentor, all that she seems?
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Keeping Up Appearances
Series 5, Episode 3Richard forgets his wedding anniversary but saves the day by alarming Hyacinth.
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Monarch Of The Glen
Series 2, Episode 8Comedy drama set in the Scottish Highlands, based on the comic novels of Compton Mackenzie.

Dad's Army
Series 8, Episode 4 - Come In, Your Time Is UpThe platoon are going away camping, but their trip is spoiled when the Vicar, the Verger and the Sea Scouts set up beside them. Things take a new turn at dawn when a group of bailed-out German airmen are found floating in the river.
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Shaun The Sheep
Series 3, Episode 10 - The Rounders MatchThe Flock and the Pigs are in the middle of a high-spirited game of rounders. Tensions are high as Shaun steps up to the plate - will he score the winning run? Will the Pigs' foul-play prevent victory? Or will The Farmer discover what they're up to?
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Last Of The Summer Wine
A selection of episodes from the first and second series of Britain's longest-running sitcom.
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Minder
Series 3, Episode 1 - Dead Men Do Tell TalesTerry gets another dead-end job when Arthur agrees to look after a coffin. What is really in it?
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Go Jetters
Series 2, Episode 14 - Bullet Train, JapanIn Japan, Grandmaster Glitch is at a railway station, wondering where his grimbots have gone. Some excited bleeps further down the platform reveal that they've jumped into the driver's cabin of a bullet train and are happily pressing all the buttons!
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Gigglebiz
Series 3, Episode 12Will Singalot infuriates Robin Hood with his constant singing and spoils his plans to dance with Maid Marion, in the news studio Arthur Sleep takes a nap, fitness enthusiast Keith Fitt starts a jumping jacks exercise craze and gets everyone to join in, and zany scientist Professor Muddles invents a no-dizzy helmet which doesn't quite work as planned.
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All At Sea
Series 1, Episode 9 - RabbitCharlie, Alison and Ben try to come up with a plan to make enough money for a trip to the cinema. When they see a rabbit running across the local golf course, Charlie thinks he's found the perfect solution.
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Waffle The Wonder Dog
Series 3, Episode 6 - Waffle's Great EscapeMrs Hobbs supervises Waffle at the Brooklyn-Bell house. Waffle wants to join Evie at school and tries to escape. Later, the family look at photos and Evie asks about her birth dad.

Bread
Series 6, Episode 4Shifty tries to convince Martina that he has changed but ends up taking his passengers on an unexpected trip. Adrian and Jack are both competing for Leonora's affections...
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Hi-De-Hi!
Series 4, Episode 4 - The Marriage SettlementA special competition is in full swing as Jeffrey Fairbrother arranges the settlement of his marital problems. These arrangements confuse some and amuse others.
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Taskmaster
Series 7, Episode 9 - The Pendulum Draws The EyeTwo episodes remain in the series and with Greg Davies's shiny head trophy within touching distance, tensions are beginning to run high between the beleaguered contestants.
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The Good Life
Series 3, Episode 3 - A Tug Of The ForelockIn order to pay for fuel for their new 'transportation' the Goods offer to work for the Leadbetters as cleaners while theirs are away. The arrangement does not operate smoothly as Margo has no time for the Goods sense of humour during work hours. However after a swift sacking and a drawn out rehiring, things improve.
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As Time Goes By
Series 8, Episode 2 - Animal MagnetismJean takes a fancy to a long haired character who only has eyes for Lionel. Alistair invites Judith to a do at the Venezuelan embassy.
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Porridge
Series 3, Episode 6 - Final StretchGodber's case is coming up before the parole board, and with his clean record and his O Levels, he's sure to sail through it. Unless his feud with Jarvis - all brawn but little brain - escalates. Can he turn the other cheek, or has a man got to do what a man's got to do?
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Room 101
Series 7, Episode 1 - Charlie Brooker, Scarlett Moffatt, Pearl MackieCharlie Brooker, Scarlett Moffatt and Pearl Mackie compete to have their pet hates and peeves consigned to Room 101. Topics include Crocs, mosquitoes and having your hair cut!
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Horrible Histories
Series 4, Special - Sport SpecialMulti-award-winning comedy sketch show Horrible Histories returns with a special sports-themed episode, packed full of fascinating facts about some of the top sporting moments from the past.
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Last Of The Summer Wine
Series 30, Episode 3 - Will Howard Cross The Atlantic Single-Handed?Hobbo is still having trouble getting Nelly to admit that she is his natural birth mother. To get the proof he needs, he fits Howard up with an eavesdropping wire to pick up Nelly talking to Pearl.
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Mr Bean
Series 1, Episode 16 - Dead CatWhile trying to redecorate the hall, Bean is obstructed at every turn by his landlady's vile one-eyed cat. Bean pops it in the dustbin to keep it out of the way for a while. Just his luck that it is rubbish collection day.
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All At Sea
Series 1, Episode 9 - RabbitCharlie, Alison and Ben try to come up with a plan to make enough money for a trip to the cinema. When they see a rabbit running across the local golf course, Charlie thinks he's found the perfect solution.
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Dad's Army
Series 8, Episode 4 - Come In, Your Time Is UpThe platoon are going away camping, but their trip is spoiled when the Vicar, the Verger and the Sea Scouts set up beside them. Things take a new turn at dawn when a group of bailed-out German airmen are found floating in the river.
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Mr Bean
Series 1, Episode 31 - Super TrolleyNipping to the shops for a few provisions proves a nightmare for Bean when a mile-long shopping list from his landlady and a clapped-out trolley with a wonky wheel conspire to ruin his day. So he constructs his own trolley, with a petrol mower, pram wheels and an extra pair of hydraulic hands.
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Room 101
Series 7, Episode 2 - Alex Brooker, Jeremy Paxman, Sally PhillipsAlex Brooker, Jeremy Paxman and Sally Phillips compete to have their pet hates and peeves consigned to Room 101. Topics include positive thinking, tourist attractions and David Cameron.
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Comedy Legends
Series 1, Episode 5 - Bob HopeBarry Cryer reflects on the life and career of British-born American entertainer Bob Hope, whose remarkable comedy and acting career spanned nearly 80 years.
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A League Of Their Own
Series 10, Episode 4As the hit comedy and entertainment series continues, James Corden and co welcome comedian Jimmy Carr, Strictly Come Dancing presenter Claudia Winkleman and Aston Villa star Micah Richards.
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Dad's Army
Series 8, Episode 5 - High FinanceJones is in financial danger as he has an outstanding ÂŁ50 overdraft with the bank, and cannot afford to pay his staff. Helping to assess his books, Mainwaring discovers that the debt has a long and confusing trail to it.
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Have I Got News For You
Series 54, Episode 6Paul Merton and Ian Hislop are joined by guest host Victoria Coren Mitchell and guest panellists Sara Pascoe and Henry Blofeld.
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Tell Me Another
Series 1, Episode 8True stories about disasters, humiliations and embarrassing moments in their personal and professional lives. This week starring: Arthur Askey, Bernard Cribbins, Diana Dors, Jimmy Jewel, Bill Maynard, Ted Ray, Barbara Windsor.
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So Awkward Files
Episode 4 - Martha and JasMartha doesn't need any help filling in her form. Jas is determined to help out though, cheerfully listing Martha's weaknesses and recalling all the occasions when she didn't tell the truth.
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Gavin & Stacey
Series 1, Episode 4The Shipmans drive down to Wales for the wedding fayre, and after a momentous trip to the church for the reading of the banns, Nessa tells Stacey her big secret.
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The Office
Series 2, Episode 2Staff appraisals cue secret confessions - Tim still harbours dreams of returning to university to study psychology, while Dawn reveals she always wanted to be a children's illustrator. Keith on the other hand reveals only the immense vacuity of his mind.
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Vic & Bob's Big Night Out
Series 2, Episode 3Vic presents Bob with a striking new wig and also reveals his secret to beat boxing. The Man With The Stick returns, and sketches include The Free Runners and Frank Roddam's latest inventions.
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Meet The Richardsons
Series 1, Episode 3Jon takes a yoga lesson and seeks revenge on the driver who cut him up, whilst Lucy goes out on the town in London with TV's Alan Carr. It gets very messy.
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Breeders
Series 1, Episode 1 - No SleepThe children won't sleep - Paul and Ally thought these nights were over. Paul spends the night fighting his own anger and his children's inability to go the f**k to sleep.
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Peep Show
Series 7, Episode 5 - Seasonal BeatingsIt's Christmas Day and Mark has invited his parents over for lunch. He has planned everything in detail, but Jeremy has become over excited, and Dobby and Super Hans are unexpected guests.
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The Comedians At The King's
Episode 1Stand-up comedy from some of the country's funniest comedians, featuring Fred MacAulay, Jo Caulfield, Janey Godley, Brian Higgins and Michael Redmond.
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Breeders
Series 1, Episode 2 - No PlacesLuke's parents evening and the surprise arrival of Ally's estranged father cause Paul and Ally to examine their hopes and dreams for Luke and Ava and discover how far they are willing to go for the sake of their children.
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Peep Show
Series 7, Episode 6 - New Year's EveIt's New Year's Eve, and Mark is depressed about Dobby, but Jeremy is determined that the 'El Dude Brothers' are going to enjoy the night of their lives.
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Bob Servant
Bob Servant Independent, Episode 2 - A Local ManThe by-election favourite Nick Edwards arrives in town with his smart, glamorous wife and campaign manager, Philippa.
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The Ricky Gervais Show
Series 2, Episode 7Karl says that sometimes he wishes he were smaller so that things like food portions and cities would be bigger in comparison.
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Mock The Week
Series 10, Episode 8Dara O'Briain, Chris Addison, Hugh Dennis and Andy Parsons look back over another week's news with guests Greg Davies, Simon Evans and Micky Flanagan.

Gavin & Stacey
Series 1, Episode 4The Shipmans drive down to Wales for the wedding fayre, and after a momentous trip to the church for the reading of the banns, Nessa tells Stacey her big secret.
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Two Doors Down
Series 2, Episode 4Cathy and Colin throw a birthday bash for Colin's father, Willie. Meanwhile Ian and Jaz have their offer on a flat knocked back - but Eric steps in to help out.
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Jimmy Carr Telling Jokes
TV broadcast of Jimmy Carr's fifth stand-up DVD, full of his controversal one-liners.
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Up The Chastity Belt
Film in which Frankie Howerd joins the Crusades to save his master and bring King Richard back to take his rightful place on the throne of England.
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Lee Evans Live In Scotland
The grand finale of Lee Evans's 100 date sell-out 1998 UK tour, performed to a full house at the Edinburgh Playhouse.
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Breeders
Series 1, Episode 1 - No SleepThe children won't sleep - Paul and Ally thought these nights were over. Paul spends the night fighting his own anger and his children's inability to go the f**k to sleep.
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Taskmaster
Series 7, Episode 9 - The Pendulum Draws The EyeTwo episodes remain in the series and with Greg Davies's shiny head trophy within touching distance, tensions are beginning to run high between the beleaguered contestants.
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Intelligence
Series 1, Episode 5When Jerry admits that he's slept with department hacker Tuva, Joseph is devastated. But when Joseph finds out that Jerry is married he begins to question their whole friendship. Meanwhile, having failed her appraisal, Christine attempts to soften her style as Mary tries to single-handedly manage the department's workload.
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The Office
Series 2, Episode 2Staff appraisals cue secret confessions - Tim still harbours dreams of returning to university to study psychology, while Dawn reveals she always wanted to be a children's illustrator. Keith on the other hand reveals only the immense vacuity of his mind.
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Breeders
Series 1, Episode 2 - No PlacesLuke's parents evening and the surprise arrival of Ally's estranged father cause Paul and Ally to examine their hopes and dreams for Luke and Ava and discover how far they are willing to go for the sake of their children.
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Intelligence
Series 1, Episode 6When Jerry finds out his best friend and FBI agent Clint has been sleeping with his wife he accidentally shoots him. But when Clint shows up at GCHQ with an extradition order for Jerry, the truth about Jerry's NSA past comes out. Hoping it will grant Jerry British citizenship, Joseph and the team stage a wedding to protect Jerry and prevent him from leaving the UK.
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Lenny Henry's Race Through Comedy
Episode 2 - Stand-UpStarting with early pioneers such as Charlie Williams and Josh White, black men who braved the tough northern men's working clubs in the 1960s and 70s, the show also marks the start of Lenny Henry's own career.
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Have I Got News For You
Series 54, Episode 6Paul Merton and Ian Hislop are joined by guest host Victoria Coren Mitchell and guest panellists Sara Pascoe and Henry Blofeld.
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The Stand Up Sketch Show
Series 2, Episode 3This week's routines come from comedians including Lily Phillips, Dane Baptiste, Nigel Ng, Ivo Graham, Helen Bauer, Seann Walsh, Luke McQueen and Matt Richardson.
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Russell Howard's Good News
Series 7, Episode 6Russell Howard returns to pore through another week's weird and wild news stories and international media events.
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Minder
Series 3, Episode 1 - Dead Men Do Tell TalesTerry gets another dead-end job when Arthur agrees to look after a coffin. What is really in it?
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Peep Show
Series 7, Episode 5 - Seasonal BeatingsIt's Christmas Day and Mark has invited his parents over for lunch. He has planned everything in detail, but Jeremy has become over excited, and Dobby and Super Hans are unexpected guests.
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Home
Series 2, Episode 6While Katy faces an uncertain future at work, John is keen to make amends with Sami - but first, the family must track him down. Sami seems to have disappeared and has not replied to messages for more than two weeks. When the trail heads in an unexpected direction, John is determined to follow. What he really needs now is a dad, but is Peter up to the job? Will they find Sami?
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Peep Show
Series 7, Episode 6 - New Year's EveIt's New Year's Eve, and Mark is depressed about Dobby, but Jeremy is determined that the 'El Dude Brothers' are going to enjoy the night of their lives.
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Russell Howard's Good News
Series 7, Episode 7Russell Howard returns to pore through another week's weird and wild news stories and international media events.
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CelebAbility
Series 1, Episode 1This week, Vicky Pattison, Pete Wicks, Olivia Buckland, Mikey North and Rickie Haywood Williams join forces. Ensuring everyone is playing by the book is official adjudicator Marek Larwood.
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Go 8 Bit DLC
Episode 7Ellie Gibson, Steve McNeil, Sam Pamphilon and guests take part in this show featuring lively debates and reviews covering the history of video games.
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The Rebel
Series 2, Episode 1 - MoneyHenry attempts to help out Cath who is, like many young couples, struggling with astronomical rent rates.
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Miss MacTaggart Won't Lie Down
After being mistakenly declared dead, elderly Jeannie MacTaggart makes trouble for the officials who won't correct her records.
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Go 8 Bit DLC
Episode 8Ellie Gibson, Steve McNeil, Sam Pamphilon and guests take part in this show featuring lively debates and reviews covering the history of video games.
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The Rebel
Series 2, Episode 2 - DeathCath's lodger Amaya offers to drive Cath, Henry, Margaret and Charles to a friend's funeral. With Henry due to give the eulogy, being late is not an option, but in fact it's touch and go if he'll even make it at all.
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Stand Up Central
Series 1, Episode 8Russell talks about an amusing ringtone, and answers questions on cats, wizards, and what cheers him up. His guests are Carl Donnelly and Iain Stirling.
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Dentist In The Chair
Comedy with Bob Monkhouse, Peggy Cummings and Kenneth Connor. A burglar breaks into the wrong shop and steals medical instruments instead of silver.