TV schedule for 30th September 2014 (full list)

6am (repeat)

The Upper Hand

Series 1, Episode 7 - Growing Pains

With her 12th birthday just around the corner, and the need for her first bra, Jo's growing up - but can Charlie handle the realisation? Not likely!

7am (repeat)

The Two Ronnies

Series 3, Episode 1

Hugely popular and long-running sketch show that established Ronnie Corbett and Ronnie Barker as two of the biggest names in British comedy.

7:40am (repeat)

Boj's friends are all practising the Cloppity Concerto to play at the Giggly Gig in the park. But when Denzil breaks his guitar, Boj shows him that with a bit of improvisation he can still play at the concert. But what instrument is Boj going to play? He's sure to liven things up with his homemade one-man-band!

7:50am (repeat)

Sorry!

Timothy Lumsden, although bright, sharp and witty, is poor (at best) with the fairer sex - he's also stuck living with his cruel, domineering mother.

8:35am (repeat)

Timmy Time

Spin-off from Shaun The Sheep for the CBeebies channel, featuring Timmy the baby lamb and his friends.

9:05am (repeat)

Dani's House

Series 5, Episode 4 - Two Week Wobblies

Concerned that Dani will bail out on tonight's gig and go out with Alex instead, Jack and Ruby convince the happy couple both to play it cool. But have they gone too far? Meanwhile, Maisy and Megaboyd have to assemble a multi-gym... with no instructions.

10am (repeat)

Last Of The Summer Wine

Series 8, Episode 1 - The Mysterious Feet Of Nora Batty

With the notable exception of Compo, Nora Batty is not used to anyone looking at her. So when her husband Wally takes an unnatural interest in those parts of her body she stands on, she is understandably unnerved. It is, of course, all part of Compo, Clegg and Foggy's attempts to settle a question of size once and for always.

10am (repeat)

The Revolting World Of Stanley Brown

Episode 7 - Stone Cold Stanley

Jess is in serious trouble. Stanley and Mike want to help but Jess won't tell them what she's done. Things get more mysterious when she and Steph start becoming best buddies.

10:05am (repeat)

Bottom Knocker Street

Episode 37 - Fennella Fenn The Comedienne

The nation's most famous comedienne is booked to present her annual TV show from Bottom Knocker Street. Councillor Cowdrey thinks that anyone can be funny.

10:15am (repeat)

Bottom Knocker Street

Episode 31 - Big Trouble In Little Cowdrey

Councillor Cowdrey's internal nastiness escapes from his body in the shape of a small boy.

10:30am (repeat)

Sooty

Series 2, Episode 21 - Some Holiday

When Sooty and the gang win a luxury holiday, none of them can wait to get packing. But with Sweep trying to mend the broken china, and Richard stuck on the phone, will they ever get away?

10:30am (repeat)

Roy. Image shows from L to R: Becky (Martha Byrne), Maura (Cathy Belton), Bill (Simon Delaney). Copyright: JAM Media

Roy

Series 2, Episode 4 - Spot On

Roy desperately wants a spot as all his mates have had one. His wish comes true but his cartoon pimple makes Roy's life a living nightmare. Conventional remedies don't work, so how can Roy get rid of his unconventional blemish?

10:45am (repeat)

'Allo 'Allo!

Series 5, Episode 2 - The Camera In The Potato

After Gruber rescues René from the dungeon, Michelle equips him with a camera disguised as a potato and sends the unwilling café owner straight back to the chateau in search of the safe containing the plans to invade England. Whose bedroom does fate dictate it's hidden in...?

11:10am (repeat)

Mr Bean

Series 1, Episode 17 - Gadget Kid

Mr Bean is dogged by a young Japanese boy in the Science Museum and takes an instant dislike to the scallywag, until he sees what he has in his knapsack - gadgets so cool that you cannot get them in the West. So when a security guard tries to ruin their fun, they run away together - to Mars!

11:20am (repeat)

Keeping Up Appearances

Series 3, Episode 6 - The Art Exhibition

Hyacinth's passion for art coincides with Daddy's desire to join the Foreign Legion.

11:25am (repeat)

Mr Bean

Series 1, Episode 18 - The Visitor

Mr Bean cannot place the face of the uninvited fat bloke on his doorstep. This blast from the past proves to be a blasted pain in the neck - eating him out of house and home.

12pm (repeat)

Open All Hours

Series 2, Episode 1 - Laundry Blues

Nurse Gladys Emmanuel tells Arkwright that he must buy a new washing machine, he is forced to come up with an ingenious plan to keep her happy and his savings undisturbed.

12:40pm (repeat)

The Two Ronnies

Series 3, Episode 1

Hugely popular and long-running sketch show that established Ronnie Corbett and Ronnie Barker as two of the biggest names in British comedy.

1pm (repeat)

Steptoe And Son

Series 5, Episode 2 - A Winter's Tale

Harold has organised a fortnight holiday alone in Obergurgl.

1:30pm (repeat)

Sorry!

Timothy Lumsden, although bright, sharp and witty, is poor (at best) with the fairer sex - he's also stuck living with his cruel, domineering mother.

1:40pm (repeat)

Ever Decreasing Circles

Series 4, Episode 2

Paul has announced he is leaving the close to begin a new beauty business and Martin is happy. But a visit to a independent hardware store run by its elderly owner soon changes the situation.

1:40pm (repeat)

Roy

Series 2, Episode 4 - Spot On

Roy desperately wants a spot as all his mates have had one. His wish comes true but his cartoon pimple makes Roy's life a living nightmare. Conventional remedies don't work, so how can Roy get rid of his unconventional blemish?

2:20pm (repeat)

Birds Of A Feather

Series 4, Episode 6 - Nine And A Half Days

Sharon gets more involved than she expected in the prisoners' wives support group.

3pm (repeat)

Shaun The Sheep

Series 3, Episode 17 - The Hang Glider

The Farmer has a thrilling new hobby - however it's not as easy as it looks! When the Farmer gets stuck in a tree Bitzer comes to his rescue, leaving Shaun and the Flock to get to grips with the airborne contraption.

3:30pm (repeat)

Sooty

Series 2, Episode 22 - Wacky Washing

Sooty and the gang are running Mr Slater's laundrette! But when Sweep confuses red paint with washing powder, he's left in a bit of a spin. Will the football kit be clean in time for the match?

3:40pm (repeat)

Last Of The Summer Wine

Series 8, Episode 1 - The Mysterious Feet Of Nora Batty

With the notable exception of Compo, Nora Batty is not used to anyone looking at her. So when her husband Wally takes an unnatural interest in those parts of her body she stands on, she is understandably unnerved. It is, of course, all part of Compo, Clegg and Foggy's attempts to settle a question of size once and for always.

4:15pm (repeat)

Mr Bean

Series 1, Episode 27 - Big TV

When the television blows up during Mr Bean and Irma's squabble over what to watch, Mr Bean invents his own ingenious form of home entertainment.

4:15pm (repeat)

Horrible Histories

Series 4, Episode 2

Henry VIII appears on a TV show hoping to raise money from his antique abbeys, Charles Darwin sings about his theory of Natural Selection and a pirate captain aims to be Lord Sugar's next Historical Apprentice.

4:20pm (repeat)

'Allo 'Allo!

Series 5, Episode 2 - The Camera In The Potato

After Gruber rescues René from the dungeon, Michelle equips him with a camera disguised as a potato and sends the unwilling café owner straight back to the chateau in search of the safe containing the plans to invade England. Whose bedroom does fate dictate it's hidden in...?

4:25pm (repeat)

Barbara

Series 3, Episode 12 - Who Shot Barbara?

Barbara's been particularly abrasive recently; to friends, family, neighbours and casual acquaintances, her obnoxious demeanour has pushed them too far, and all are talking of doing her in...

4:30pm (repeat)

Mr Bean

Series 1, Episode 28 - Keyboard Capers

Determined to finish Beethoven's symphony, Mr Bean wangles himself a grand piano, a music book, a candelabra - and a very patient piano teacher. Liberace, eat your heart out!

4:55pm (repeat)

Never The Twain

Series 4, Episode 3 - No Flame Like An Old Flame

Simon's love life hots up when an old flame reappears on the scene.

5pm (repeat)

Harry Hill's TV Burp

Series 6, Episode 6

This week's episode featured dog sofa charriot racing, a 5 digit numbering system on Channel 5's Monster Moves and a packet of Garibaldis down Dev's trousers on Coronation Street.

5:25pm (repeat)

On The Buses

Series 5, Episode 14 - A Thin Time

Arthur is attracted to Beryl, the clippie on his regular bus. And Beryl has only two requirements in men - those with a fondness for athletics and those with a good head of hair!

5:30pm (repeat)

Only Fools And Horses

Series 3, Episode 4 - Yesterday Never Comes

When Del acquires a piece of furniture he believes it to be valuable, and when upper-class Miranda answers his newspaper advert for it, he thinks he's gone 'up-market'. But can she really have been wooed by his charm, or is it something more commercial?

6pm (repeat)

Steptoe And Son

Series 5, Episode 2 - A Winter's Tale

Harold has organised a fortnight holiday alone in Obergurgl.

6pm (repeat)

Desmond's

Series 3, Episode 4 - Smokeless Fuming

Sean is behaving increasingly oddly, and when his diary falls into the wrong hands, the reason why becomes clear.

6:10pm (repeat)

Keeping Up Appearances

Series 3, Episode 6 - The Art Exhibition

Hyacinth's passion for art coincides with Daddy's desire to join the Foreign Legion.

6:25pm (repeat)

Shaun The Sheep

Series 1, Episode 31 - Tidy Up

Bitzer begins to regret having tried to get the sheep to clean up the yard.

6:40pm (repeat)

Bread

Series 3, Episode 9

The family attend Freddie's court case in order to provide moral support. Billy, however, has other plans as he is marrying Julie in secret. Meanwhile, Grandad has a visit from his nephew Eddie who is home from America and, much to Grandad and Nellie's horror, is gay!

6:50pm (repeat)

Porridge

Series 2, Episode 1 - Just Desserts

Fletch has acquired an illicit tin of pineapple chunks, but they are stolen before he has the chance to enjoy them. It soon emerges that the pineapple chunks have surfaced in a rather unexpected place, while Godber attempts to nick him a replacement from the prison kitchen.

7:20pm (repeat)

Ever Decreasing Circles

Series 4, Episode 2

Paul has announced he is leaving the close to begin a new beauty business and Martin is happy. But a visit to a independent hardware store run by its elderly owner soon changes the situation.

7:30pm (repeat)

Harry Hill's TV Burp

Series 6, Episode 7

This week's episode featured danger on EastEnders, Harry eating a tortoise and what happens when QVC meets The Bill.

8pm (repeat)

Only Fools And Horses

Series 3, Episode 5 - May The Force Be With You

When Rodney meets an old friend of Del's in the pub, he is duped into taking him back to the Trotter's flat: as Del is showing Grandad a new 'hookie' microwave he has acquired, he is re-acquainted with Detective Slater. The family are arrested and a stand-off situation develops after they all give false statements - until Del surprises everyone...

8pm
60 min version (repeat)

QI

Series H, Episode 8 - Hypothetical

With Sandi Toksvig, Johnny Vegas, and the creator of QI John Lloyd.

8:40pm (repeat)

Miranda

Series 1, Episode 3 - Job

Miranda heads to the gym and, after a fuchsia-face-inducing workout, decides it's perhaps not quite for her. She must therefore find a way of getting out of her water-tight contract with the gym.

4Music. Copyright: Channel 4 Television Corporation

9pm
50 min version (repeat)

8 Out Of 10 Cats

Series 16, Episode 8

Sean and Jon are joined in their quest to uncover the public's most popular talking points by celebrity guests Freddie Flintoff, Lorraine Kelly, Josh Widdicombe and Rob Beckett.

9pm (repeat)

Benidorm

Series 4, Episode 3

The Garvey's get a bit of a shock when they discover that Mel's debt has been taken on by some gangsters. They find themselves attempting a very risky bet to pay off what they owe.

9pm
60 min

Mount Pleasant

Series 4, Episode 3

In Bradley's absence, Greg visits Tanya's home under the pretence of fitting a new kitchen.

9pm
60 min version (repeat)

QI

Series H, Episode 10 - Health And Safety

With Ross Noble, Jeremy Clarkson and David Mitchell.

9:20pm (repeat)

Gavin & Stacey

Series 2, Episode 3

Stacey's getting used to being an 'Essex wife' but it's not as exciting as she'd hoped.

9:50pm
50 min version (repeat)

8 Out Of 10 Cats

Series 16, Episode 2

Sean and Jon are joined in their quest to uncover the public's most popular taking points by guests Richard Hammond, Carol Vorderman, Paul Foot and Matt Forde.

10pm (repeat)

Two Pints Of Lager And A Packet Of Crisps

Series 5, Episode 4 - Ecuador

Jonny's new car gets him into trouble with women. After confronting Janet, Donna plans her revenge on Gaz for his infidelity. Louise resorts to underhand tactics as she seeks forgiveness from Jonny for getting him shot by the police.

10pm (repeat)

Misfits

Series 2, Episode 3

The mysterious masked man saves Alisha from a mugging on the estate.

10pm (repeat)

Not Going Out

Series 1, Episode 5 - Kid

Kate and Lee are forced to take in a lodger, a surly 14-year-old boy called Nicky.

10pm (repeat)

Trying Again

Episode 5

When Matt and Meg decide to throw a housewarming dinner, they invite Iain and his girlfriend Kate in an attempt to draw a line under Meg's affair.

10pm
60 min version (repeat)

Russell Howard's Good News

Topical stand-up comedy and chat show hosted by Russell Howard.

10pm (repeat)

Desmond's

Series 3, Episode 4 - Smokeless Fuming

Sean is behaving increasingly oddly, and when his diary falls into the wrong hands, the reason why becomes clear.

10pm
60 min

Dave Gorman: Modern Life Is Goodish

Series 2, Episode 4 - Poogle

The award-winning comic opines on life's little oddities, including micro-chipped cats, over-familiarity in coffee shops, self-driving cars, QR codes and cybersquatting.

10pm
30 min

Bad Education

Series 3, Episode 3 - Sports Day

It's Abbey Grove sports day. Fraser has hired the most inappropriate new sports teacher to oversee events - Preet.

10pm (repeat)

Celebrity Juice

Series 12, Episode 3

Fearne Cotton and Gino D'Acampo are the team captains. They're joined this time by guests Lauren Goodger, magician Dynamo, This Morning presenter Eamonn Holmes and Blur's Alex James.

10:30pm (repeat)

Trying Again

Episode 6

Matt is relieved to hear the news that Iain is planning to propose to Kate. Love is on the cards for Meg's co-receptionist Martin too.

10:40pm (repeat)

Two Pints Of Lager And A Packet Of Crisps

Series 5, Episode 5 - Potato People

Jonny is banned from the off-licence where he has been buying alcohol for a gang of kids.

10:40pm (repeat)

Hebburn

Series 1, Episode 5 - She Doesn't Just Give It Away

It's Jack's first as Editor of the Hebburn Advertiser and he has plans to transform it. Meanwhile, Joe's doctor orders extreme relaxation, with Pauline declaring him her new project. He's not too amused.

11pm (repeat)

William And Mary

Series 1, Episode 6

William becomes convinced Mary is involved with Reuben, and arrives at her flat hoping to catch them red-handed; only to discover that he's got it completely wrong.

11pm (repeat)

Mock The Week

Series 2, Episode 6

Jo Brand joins Hugh Dennis and Frankie Boyle this week. Rory Bremner has Jeremy Hardy and John Oliver on his team.

11:20pm (repeat)

Pramface

Series 1, Episode 5 - Knocked Up And Homeless

Laura is settling in well at Jamie's place - a bit too well. Keith is sick of her being there, Jamie is tired of sleeping on the sofa and Mike and Beth have had enough of not being able to see their mate. Something's got to give, but the eventual confrontation kicks off a much bigger crisis.

11:40pm (repeat)

Cardinal Burns

Series 1, Episode 3

There's a visit to Kookyville - a comic take on American indie films; Charlie and New Guy get flirty at the company board meeting; and then there's The Burning Man - the most terrifying magic stunt ever performed on a comedy sketch show.

11:40pm
60 min version (repeat)

QI

Series H, Episode 8 - Hypothetical

With Sandi Toksvig, Johnny Vegas, and the creator of QI John Lloyd.

Midnight (repeat)

French And Saunders

Long-running popular sketch show starring Dawn French and Jennifer Saunders.

Midnight (repeat)

Two Pints Of Lager And A Packet Of Crisps

Series 3, Episode 8 - Jammy Dodgers

After making him wait for a month, Louise finally agrees to have sex with David, or rather, lets him, "enter the sacred passage del passion." She is horrified to find that David is an unstoppable sex machine.

Midnight
30 min

The Alternative Comedy Experience

Series 2, Episode 12 - Charity

Uncharitable comedian Henning Wehn is joined tonight by Stephen Carlin, Josie Long, science geek Helen Arney and quiz show supremo Paul Sinha. With interviews from the charitable comedian Stewart Lee.

12:10am (repeat)

Cardinal Burns

Series 1, Episode 4

There's a massacre in a salsa class, we meet Target Blonde, the tallest rock band in the world, and join cockney cabbies Phil and Terry, who've had a fight with Richard Branson on a flight to the moon.

12:20am (repeat)

Two Pints Of Lager And A Packet Of Crisps

Series 5, Episode 4 - Ecuador

Jonny's new car gets him into trouble with women. After confronting Janet, Donna plans her revenge on Gaz for his infidelity. Louise resorts to underhand tactics as she seeks forgiveness from Jonny for getting him shot by the police.

12:35am (repeat)

Bad Education

Series 3, Episode 3 - Sports Day

It's Abbey Grove sports day. Fraser has hired the most inappropriate new sports teacher to oversee events - Preet.

12:40am
50 min version (repeat)

8 Out Of 10 Cats

Series 16, Episode 6

The guests this week are Joe Wilkinson, Chris Ramsey, Roisin Conaty and Alex Brooker.

12:40am (repeat)

Miranda

Series 1, Episode 3 - Job

Miranda heads to the gym and, after a fuchsia-face-inducing workout, decides it's perhaps not quite for her. She must therefore find a way of getting out of her water-tight contract with the gym.

12:40am
60 min version (repeat)

QI

Series H, Episode 10 - Health And Safety

With Ross Noble, Jeremy Clarkson and David Mitchell.

1am (repeat)

Two Pints Of Lager And A Packet Of Crisps

Series 5, Episode 5 - Potato People

Jonny is banned from the off-licence where he has been buying alcohol for a gang of kids.

1:15am (repeat)

Gavin & Stacey

Series 2, Episode 3

Stacey's getting used to being an 'Essex wife' but it's not as exciting as she'd hoped.

1:40am (repeat)

Mock The Week

Series 2, Episode 6

Jo Brand joins Hugh Dennis and Frankie Boyle this week. Rory Bremner has Jeremy Hardy and John Oliver on his team.

1:45am (repeat)

Not Going Out

Series 1, Episode 5 - Kid

Kate and Lee are forced to take in a lodger, a surly 14-year-old boy called Nicky.

2am (repeat)

Birds Of A Feather

Series 4, Episode 6 - Nine And A Half Days

Sharon gets more involved than she expected in the prisoners' wives support group.

2:10am (repeat)

Dead Ringers

TV impressions show that ran throughout the 2000s. Featuring Jon Culshaw, Jan Ravens, Phil Cornwell, Kevin Connelly and Mark Perry.

2:15am (repeat)

Hebburn

Series 1, Episode 5 - She Doesn't Just Give It Away

It's Jack's first as Editor of the Hebburn Advertiser and he has plans to transform it. Meanwhile, Joe's doctor orders extreme relaxation, with Pauline declaring him her new project. He's not too amused.

2:20am (repeat)

Mongrels

Series 1, Episode 5 - Kali The Genetic Engineer

Nelson's French penfriend Christian arrives for a visit, but brings rabies with him. Destiny discovers that her new boyfriend is a pimp organised by her owner Gary to get her to produce pups. When Kali is caught up in a pigeon cull, she resolves to take revenge on humankind.

2:25am (repeat)

Alan Carr: Chatty Man

Series 13, Episode 3 - Lionel Richie, Nick Grimshaw, Jessie J, Glue cast, Ella Eyre

In tonight's episode, Alan is joined by US singing legend Lionel Richie, Nick Grimshaw and Jessie J, plus there's music from Ella Eyre.

2:30am (repeat)

The T-Boy Show

Series 1, Episode 7 - The Big Date

T-Boy's auntie has a big date with a TV executive. T-Boy sees this as his chance to get to Hollywood. What could go wrong?

2:45am (repeat)

Pramface

Series 1, Episode 5 - Knocked Up And Homeless

Laura is settling in well at Jamie's place - a bit too well. Keith is sick of her being there, Jamie is tired of sleeping on the sofa and Mike and Beth have had enough of not being able to see their mate. Something's got to give, but the eventual confrontation kicks off a much bigger crisis.

2:50am (repeat)

Mongrels

Series 1, Episode 6 - Destiny The Infection Risk

Nelson falls in love with Sandra, a mangy, flea-ridden fox whom he meets at the rubbish tip while rescuing Marion. Gary angers Kali after he erects anti-pigeon spikes on the pub walls, but Destiny is overjoyed when he enters her into a competition.

3:10am (repeat)

Grouchy Young Men

Young male celebrities, including many comics, bitch and complain about life in modern Britain.

3:15am (repeat)

Yes, Prime Minister

Episode 4 - A Diplomatic Dilemma

Desperate to secure the Kumranistan loan agreement, Jim must provide some unusual sexual arrangements!

3:35am (repeat)

Dead Ringers

TV impressions show that ran throughout the 2000s. Featuring Jon Culshaw, Jan Ravens, Phil Cornwell, Kevin Connelly and Mark Perry.

3:45am (repeat)

Rex The Runt

Series 2, Episode 4 - A Crap Day Out

Instead of going on their planned visit to the beach, the gang go to a garden centre, only to discover it is an alien spaceship full of plant pots called Gordon. Guest starring Graham Norton.

TV schedule Tuesday 30th September 2014

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