Television
TV schedule Thursday 20th March 2014
6am
(repeat)
Home To Roost
Series 2, Episode 2 - Open HouseHenry doesn't allow Matthew to hold parties, but Henry is going away, and anyway what is the ball of string for, and who is hiding in the cupboard?
6am
(repeat)
Tommy Cooper
Sketch, stand-up and magic from the inimitable Tommy Cooper.
6:10am
(repeat)
Waiting For God
Series 2, Episode 10Geoffrey leaves Marion, but quickly realises he has no idea what to do next or where to stay. At Bayview, Diana demands that Harvey has panic alarms installed in every room - but needless to say he has other ideas!
6:40am
(repeat)
To The Manor Born
Series 1, Episode 4Audrey is shocked to see a perfectly good and very old fireplace thrown out by Richard, despite the fact that she never liked it herself. She's also more than a little agitated by the apparent unfairness of her new position in life...
7:15am
(repeat)
Steptoe And Son
Series 7, Episode 7 - The Desperate HoursAlbert Steptoe and his son Harold run a rag and bone business. Harold wants to move on in the world and leave home but his plans are always thwarted.
7:30am
(repeat)
Desmond's
Series 3, Episode 11 - The ProdigalThe barber shop's finances are a bit shaky, so Michael offers to lend a hand. His efficiency causes more than a few problems which are solved by a good old-fashioned story-telling session.
7:55am
(repeat)
'Allo 'Allo!
Series 5, Episode 11 - The Confusion Of The GeneralsWith a French General now under suspicion for attempting to poison the Germans, René's café is suddenly overrun with French peasants - and if that weren't bad enough, the RAF are paying a visit...
8:30am
(repeat)
'Allo 'Allo!
Series 5, Episode 12 - Who's For The Vatican?All hell is breaking loose in Nouvion: the captured Generals are free, Von Klinkerhoffen is sending Gruber and Colonel Von Strohm to the Russian front, and René is sent to collect the paintings before helping them escape to South America!
8:30am
(repeat)
Timmy Time
Spin-off from Shaun The Sheep for the CBeebies channel, featuring Timmy the baby lamb and his friends.
9am
(repeat)
As Time Goes By
Lionel and Jean were young lovers until accidentally losing touch. Years later they meet again by chance and unexpectedly rekindle their romance.
9:40am
(repeat)
Goodnight Sweetheart
Series 4, Episode 3 - Out Of TownThe coast is clear for Gary to have a holiday with wartime mistress Phoebe, since present-day wife Yvonne has packed her bags for a three-week trip to Korea. But Gary has reckoned without an unexpected visitor.
10:10am
(repeat)
Sooty
Series 2, Episode 24 - Disco Disco!Richard is looking forward to Mr Slater's disco, but - Sooty, Sweep and Soo are in charge. With no sound system and a broken smoke machine, Sooty has to call in some old friends to save the day. With special guest stars B*Witched.
10:20am
(repeat)
One Foot In The Grave
Series 2, Episode 3 - Dramatic FeverMargaret joins the local amateur dramatic society and takes Victor to a Bergerac watching party. Meanwhile, Margaret's mother manages to get stuck in the bath with wallpaper paste.
11am
(repeat)
Waiting For God
Series 2, Episode 10Geoffrey leaves Marion, but quickly realises he has no idea what to do next or where to stay. At Bayview, Diana demands that Harvey has panic alarms installed in every room - but needless to say he has other ideas!
11:40am
(repeat)
Last Of The Summer Wine
Series 26, Episode 8 - The Afterthoughts Of A Co-op ManagerWhy did Marina's ex-boyfriend emigrate to Australia?
12:20pm
(repeat)
Last Of The Summer Wine
Series 26, Episode 9 - Lot No. 8Auntie Wainwright is rather pleased with herself when she lands a bargain at an auction. Unfortunately, she doesn't know what she has bought, or what to do with it when she gets it home.
12:20pm
(repeat)
Bottom Knocker Street
Episode 44 - Fairy JailCouncillor Cowdrey has finally committed one bad deed too many and is sent to Fairy Jail. His kinder brother Colin takes charge and all seems fluffy and bright. Surely it is all too good to be true!
12:30pm
(repeat)
Bottom Knocker Street
Episode 20 - Sicko!Councillor Cowdrey goes to incredible lengths to avoid speaking at a public meeting - but things go a bit too far.
12:50pm
(repeat)
Dani's House
Series 4, Highlights Special - Sayonara SamWhen Sam has cold feet about leaving her friends to join the NASA training programme, Dani and Jack must show her that she would be crazy not to follow her dream. Besides, however far away Sam is, they will always be her mates.
1pm
(repeat)
To The Manor Born
Series 1, Episode 4Audrey is shocked to see a perfectly good and very old fireplace thrown out by Richard, despite the fact that she never liked it herself. She's also more than a little agitated by the apparent unfairness of her new position in life...
1:35pm
(repeat)
Steptoe And Son
Series 7, Episode 7 - The Desperate HoursAlbert Steptoe and his son Harold run a rag and bone business. Harold wants to move on in the world and leave home but his plans are always thwarted.
2pm
(repeat)
Birds Of A Feather
Series 8, Episode 4 - BaggageWhen the past collides with the present at a school reunion, Sharon, Tracey and Dorien have to re-assess their lives.
2:15pm
(repeat)
'Allo 'Allo!
Series 5, Episode 11 - The Confusion Of The GeneralsWith a French General now under suspicion for attempting to poison the Germans, René's café is suddenly overrun with French peasants - and if that weren't bad enough, the RAF are paying a visit...
2:40pm
(repeat)
Birds Of A Feather
Series 8, Episode 5 - Can't Judge A BookSharon is told to lose weight by the doctor and Dorien changes her image.
2:50pm
(repeat)
'Allo 'Allo!
Series 5, Episode 12 - Who's For The Vatican?All hell is breaking loose in Nouvion: the captured Generals are free, Von Klinkerhoffen is sending Gruber and Colonel Von Strohm to the Russian front, and René is sent to collect the paintings before helping them escape to South America!
3:20pm
(repeat)
Last Of The Summer Wine
Series 30, Episode 4 - Who's That Looking Sideways At Nelly?Hobbo, former milkman and undercover agent at Primrose Dairies, is ready for any dangerous situation - and going round telling everyone that Nelly is his mother is one.
3:20pm
(repeat)
Sooty
Series 2, Episode 25 - Panto PalaverWhen the actors for Mr Slater's pantomime don't turn up, Sooty, Sweep and Soo perform instead. Will The Wicked Bunny have Little Blue Riding Hood for his supper, or can Sooty the woodcutter come to her rescue?
3:25pm
(repeat)
As Time Goes By
Lionel and Jean were young lovers until accidentally losing touch. Years later they meet again by chance and unexpectedly rekindle their romance.
3:35pm
(repeat)
Strange Hill High
Series 1, Episode 4 - SnoozicalBecky dreams of starring in the Strange Hill musical production of Scary Poppins, but regresses into fear-filled dreams after being informed she's a terrible singer. Can she defeat The Grackle?
3:50pm
(repeat)
Duty Free
Series 3, Episode 6 - Cause CelebreThere's anarchy at the hotel when sweeping staff changes are announced. Carlos and the holiday makers are not happy!
4pm
(repeat)
Goodnight Sweetheart
Series 4, Episode 3 - Out Of TownThe coast is clear for Gary to have a holiday with wartime mistress Phoebe, since present-day wife Yvonne has packed her bags for a three-week trip to Korea. But Gary has reckoned without an unexpected visitor.
4pm
(repeat)
Monarch Of The Glen
Series 2, Episode 7Comedy drama set in the Scottish Highlands, based on the comic novels of Compton Mackenzie.
4pm
(repeat)
Shaun The Sheep
Series 4, Episode 14 - Missing PieceShaun comes across a discarded jigsaw puzzle and calls on the flock to help him put it together. When Bitzer discovers the final piece is missing they decide they must do whatever it takes to solve the puzzle.
4:15pm
(repeat)
'Allo 'Allo!
Series 7, Episode 7 - Leg It To Spain!As René prepares to escape to Spain with the painting for the rest of the war, the Colonel arrives at the café and seizes the artwork. Meanwhile, Flick and Helga's relationship is up-and-down, and the Germans are determined to achieve a suitable group photo for the paper.
4:20pm
(repeat)
Home To Roost
Series 2, Episode 3 - Plastic DreamworldMatthew finds an easy way to make £10, by opening a new bank account. But how long can he withstand the myriad temptations of cash dispensing machines and credit cards?
4:40pm
(repeat)
One Foot In The Grave
Series 2, Episode 3 - Dramatic FeverMargaret joins the local amateur dramatic society and takes Victor to a Bergerac watching party. Meanwhile, Margaret's mother manages to get stuck in the bath with wallpaper paste.
4:45pm
(repeat)
'Allo 'Allo!
Series 7, Episode 8 - Prior EngagementsFollowing Madamme Edith's crowning as the Spirit of Nouvion, the General decides that she should marry Captain Bertorelli in order to cement relations between the two sides. A celebration at the chateaux offers Michelle the perfect chance to release the British airmen.
4:55pm
(repeat)
5:15pm30 min
Roy
Series 3, Episode 9 - Be Careful What You Wish ForMr Hammond reaches breaking point when Roy sticks a mohawk wig on his head, so he quits the Sandyford Progressive Learning forever. However, his replacement is too PC for Roy and the gang and they end up doing the unthinkable and plotting to get their old vice principal back.
5:20pm
(repeat)
Last Of The Summer Wine
Series 26, Episode 8 - The Afterthoughts Of A Co-op ManagerWhy did Marina's ex-boyfriend emigrate to Australia?
5:25pm
(repeat)
The Upper Hand
Series 2, Episode 6 - The BabysitterCharlie persuades a reluctant Caroline to let Joanna babysit, but a drama with the kitchen sink gets her into hot water.
5:25pm
(repeat)
Bottom Knocker Street
Episode 1 - Councillor CowdairyAn attempt to repair the chimes of the old ice cream van leads to a visit from a dairy person from another dimension. Councillor Cowdrey sees an opportunity for world domination - or at least his very own chain of cheese shops.
5:40pm
(repeat)
Bottom Knocker Street
Episode 2 - He Came From Outer SpaceA dull and routine day is interrupted by the arrival of an alien on a mission - to collect a mug of water to fuel his planet's life support system.
6pm
(repeat)
Last Of The Summer Wine
Series 26, Episode 9 - Lot No. 8Auntie Wainwright is rather pleased with herself when she lands a bargain at an auction. Unfortunately, she doesn't know what she has bought, or what to do with it when she gets it home.
6:40pm
(repeat)
Only Fools And Horses
Series 6, Episode 5 - Sickness & WealthDel is reluctant to go to the doctor's with his "jippy" tummy. He's also suffering cash flow problems, and - unbeknownst to Rodney - the family face eviction from the flat. A chance comment from Albert could hold the solution; or it could make things far worse.
7pm
(repeat)
Birds Of A Feather
Series 8, Episode 5 - Can't Judge A BookSharon is told to lose weight by the doctor and Dorien changes her image.
7:40pm
(repeat)
As Time Goes By
Series 1, Episode 1 - You Must Remember ThisFreelance secretary Judith works through her mother, Jean's, agency. When she goes to meet a new client, Lionel, to assist him in redrafting the manuscript for his autobiography, it rather curiously transpires that Lionel and Jean have met before.
8pm
(repeat)
You, Me & Them
Series 1, Episode 2 - Three DinnersDebs invites Tim to dinner in the hope of quelling Ellie's infatuation with him. Meanwhile, Ed's past catches up with him.
8pm60 min version (repeat)
8pm
(repeat)
Ever Decreasing Circles
Series 2, Episode 6Ann wants more than just being a housewife and decides she needs to get a job. Paul offers her a position at the salon, but turns her down when she later hopes to accept it. Martin is none-too-pleased at either decision.
8:20pm
(repeat)
Last Of The Summer Wine
Series 30, Episode 4 - Who's That Looking Sideways At Nelly?Hobbo, former milkman and undercover agent at Primrose Dairies, is ready for any dangerous situation - and going round telling everyone that Nelly is his mother is one.
8:40pm
(repeat)
Outnumbered
Series 1, Episode 5Ben's on the case again - this time he's got a mystery illness and is far too sick to go to school, or so he says.
9pm
(repeat)
Live At The Apollo
Jack Dee Live At The Apollo Series 1, Episode 1 - Joan RiversJack Dee presents performances by some of his favourite stand-up acts at the London theatre. First on the bill is legendary American comedienne Joan Rivers, with her typically acid-tongued musings on marrying for money and celebrity Botox parties.
9pm60 min
Arena: Whatever Happened To Spitting Image?
Documentary celebrating the 30th anniversary of ITV's era-defining satirical puppet-based sketch show Spitting Image.
9:20pm
(repeat)
Gavin & Stacey
Series 3, Episode 6Nessa and Dave's wedding is fast approaching and the preparations are in full swing. Stacey breaks some life-changing news to Gavin while Bryn and Jason finally put their big secret to bed.
9:30pm
(repeat)
Monty Python: Almost The Truth
Episode 3The Pythons reveal the 'The Sordid Personal Bits', as they discuss their unwanted celebrity status, member Graham Chapman, BBC censorship and the departure of John Cleese.
9:30pm
(repeat)
The Inbetweeners
Series 3, Episode 3 - Will's DilemmaSimon and his new girlfriend Tara go on a double date with Will and her friend Kerry.
10pm
(repeat)
Only Fools And Horses
Series 6, Episode 6 - Little ProblemsRodney's wedding is approaching and Del has promised him money for the deposit on his new flat. However, he's also unknowingly promised the same money to the Driscoll brothers, two local thugs who he inadvertently did business with. Will it be Rodney's hopes or Del's body to take a beating?
10pm
(repeat)
Two Pints Of Lager And A Packet Of Crisps
Series 6, Episode 1 - Speedycruise!Janet gets a job on a cruise ship, but it will mean leaving Jonny and Corinthian behind? Meanwhile Louise learns the truth about her parents, and Donna goes into business.
10pm
(repeat)
Doll & Em
Series 1, Episode 5Em fears her career may be over while Doll is presented with the opportunity of a lifetime.
10pm
(repeat)
Peep Show
Series 4, Episode 5 - HolidayAs Mark's best man, Jeremy has organised his stag weekend which consists of the pair of them on a canal boat in Shropshire. Instantly bored, things are spiced up for the pair of them when Jez meets a girl and Mark gets offered a job in India.
10pm
(repeat)
Mock The Week
Series 2, Episode 4Sandi Toksvig joins Hugh Dennis and Frankie Boyle. Andy Parsons, David Mitchell and John Oliver form the other team (Rory Bremner is away).
10pm30 min
Bluestone 42
Series 2, Episode 4When Mac and Rocket set fire to part of the base, Nick takes the blame and as a punishment has to look after a Government Minister who is visiting the base.
10pm30 min
The Walshes
Episode 2 - Family NightWhen Graham's landlord kicks him out, Ciara suggests that he move in with her, but his sudden insertion into the house upsets a delicate balance.
10pm50 min
Celebrity Juice
Series 11, Episode 2Joining the panel in this episode are singers Paloma Faith and Ronan Keating, reality TV star Mark Wright and actress Martine McCutcheon.
10pm
(repeat)
8 Out Of 10 Cats Does Countdown
Series 2 (Channel 4: Series 3), Episode 1Jimmy Carr Sean Lock and Jon Richardson are joined by Rhod Gilbert and Kevin Bridges. Josie Long is in Dictionary Corner.
10pm
(repeat)
Fresh Meat
Series 3, Episode 3Vod attempts to dump Javier as he gets more serious. Meanwhile, Howard's not best pleased with JP, and Kingsley and Josie go away camping.
10:20pm
(repeat)
Auf Wiedersehen, Pet
Comedy drama about a group of builders who flee overseas in search of work.
10:25pm
(repeat)
Two Pints Of Lager And A Packet Of Crisps
Series 6, Episode 2 - GoblinsJanet gets a new job, but Donna's career is on the skids. Louise has a letter from her earth mother - but she can't open it. Jonny campaigns for baby changing facilities at the pub.
10:30pm
(repeat)
Peep Show
Series 4, Episode 6 - WeddingMark and Sophie's big day arrives, but as the groom makes his way to the church with best man Jeremy and a very hungover Super Hans, he continues to wrestle with crippling doubts which threaten to throw the event into disarray.
10:30pm30 min
Some People With Jokes
Series 2, Episode 1 - Some Football Managers With JokesThe managers of various football teams tell their favourite jokes as part of an episode filmed for Sport Relief.
10:35pm
(repeat)
Edge Of Heaven
Episode 4After walking out on Michelle last week, Alfie wants to make it up her - that is until he begins to think Carly wants him back. Confused about his future, Alfie turns to his dad Snowy - who's just arrived out of the blue - for some much needed relationship advice.
10:40pm
(repeat)
Dara O Briain: School Of Hard Sums
Series 3, Episode 3Genius jokester Dara O Briain mocks the weak-minded in the show that solves practical predicaments with numbers. Jon Richardson and Sally Phillips are his students for the day.
10:45pm
(repeat)
Parkinson: Masterclass
Michael Parkinson interviews Eddie Izzard. The actor, comedian and marathon runner discusses his life and career.
11pm
(repeat)
Threesome
Series 1, Episode 6The mothers are coming! All the mothers; Mitch, Richie's and Alice's, all together, all for the first time.
11:10pm
(repeat)
Men Behaving Badly
Series 5, Episode 2 - The Good Pub GuideTony tries to muscle in on Deborah's new-found interest in astrology, while Gary grills the pub's new landlord on his lock-in and deferred-payment policies.
11:40pm60 min version (repeat)
11:50pm
(repeat)
Early Doors
Series 2, Episode 2Ken is laid up with the flu. The cops arrive to celebrate their successful drugs bust. Duffy is in no mood for celebrating and faces up to the prospect of single life, seeking solace in the bottom of his beer glass.
Midnight
(repeat)
Comedy Central At The Comedy Store
Stand-up comedy from London's famous club, The Comedy Store.
Midnight
(repeat)
Two Pints Of Lager And A Packet Of Crisps
Series 6, Episode 1 - Speedycruise!Janet gets a job on a cruise ship, but it will mean leaving Jonny and Corinthian behind? Meanwhile Louise learns the truth about her parents, and Donna goes into business.
Midnight50 min version (repeat)
8 Out Of 10 Cats
Series 11, Episode 3Guests Gok Wan, Sarah Millican, Seann Walsh and Amy Childs from The Only Way Is Essex, assist Jon, Jimmy and Sean to thrash out the hot topics of the week.
12:30am
(repeat)
You, Me & Them
Series 1, Episode 2 - Three DinnersDebs invites Tim to dinner in the hope of quelling Ellie's infatuation with him. Meanwhile, Ed's past catches up with him.
12:30am
(repeat)
Two Pints Of Lager And A Packet Of Crisps
Series 6, Episode 2 - GoblinsJanet gets a new job, but Donna's career is on the skids. Louise has a letter from her earth mother - but she can't open it. Jonny campaigns for baby changing facilities at the pub.
12:30am
(repeat)
Bluestone 42
Series 2, Episode 4When Mac and Rocket set fire to part of the base, Nick takes the blame and as a punishment has to look after a Government Minister who is visiting the base.
12:50am
(repeat)
PhoneShop
Series 3, Episode 3 - Pay As You GrowChristopher's charitable concern raises Jerwayne and Ashley's ire, Janine can't stop making fantastic decisions and Lance is hiding from Shelley and her terrifying broodiness. Standard.
1:10am
(repeat)
Outnumbered
Series 1, Episode 5Ben's on the case again - this time he's got a mystery illness and is far too sick to go to school, or so he says.
1:15am
(repeat)
Threesome
Series 1, Episode 6The mothers are coming! All the mothers; Mitch, Richie's and Alice's, all together, all for the first time.
1:20am
(repeat)
PhoneShop
Series 3, Episode 4 - #goodtimesAs PhoneShop Sutton attempt to win The Golden Bowl insurance sales award for the sixth year in a row, and Janine attempts to stage the greatest, most elaborate sales evening of all time, all of Lance's energy is going into getting Gregg Wallace to follow him on Twitter.
1:40am
(repeat)
Men Behaving Badly
Series 5, Episode 2 - The Good Pub GuideTony tries to muscle in on Deborah's new-found interest in astrology, while Gary grills the pub's new landlord on his lock-in and deferred-payment policies.
1:40am
(repeat)
Mock The Week
Series 2, Episode 4Sandi Toksvig joins Hugh Dennis and Frankie Boyle. Andy Parsons, David Mitchell and John Oliver form the other team (Rory Bremner is away).
1:40am
(repeat)
Ever Decreasing Circles
Series 2, Episode 6Ann wants more than just being a housewife and decides she needs to get a job. Paul offers her a position at the salon, but turns her down when she later hopes to accept it. Martin is none-too-pleased at either decision.
2am
(repeat)
Monarch Of The Glen
Series 2, Episode 7Comedy drama set in the Scottish Highlands, based on the comic novels of Compton Mackenzie.
2:10am
(repeat)
Early Doors
Series 2, Episode 2Ken is laid up with the flu. The cops arrive to celebrate their successful drugs bust. Duffy is in no mood for celebrating and faces up to the prospect of single life, seeking solace in the bottom of his beer glass.
2:10am
(repeat)
The Walshes
Episode 2 - Family NightWhen Graham's landlord kicks him out, Ciara suggests that he move in with her, but his sudden insertion into the house upsets a delicate balance.
2:20am
(repeat)
Argumental
Series 4, Episode 5More dynamic debates with Sean Lock in the chair. Robert Webb, Seann Walsh, Stephen K Amos and Jo Brand make up the teams.
2:20am
(repeat)
My Mad Fat Diary
Series 2, Episode 5 - Chapter 5: Inappropriate AdultRae is desperate to be treated like an adult so she's staying out late and pushing the boundaries at home. But when she starts to hang out with a group of older lads that Chloe has befriended, things turn nasty and Rae wonders whether adulthood is really all it's cracked up to be. Meanwhile, things are moving on with Liam; can they really just stay friends?
2:40am
(repeat)
Arena: Whatever Happened To Spitting Image?
Documentary celebrating the 30th anniversary of ITV's era-defining satirical puppet-based sketch show Spitting Image.
2:50am
(repeat)
Auf Wiedersehen, Pet
Comedy drama about a group of builders who flee overseas in search of work.
3:10am
(repeat)
Fresh Meat
Series 3, Episode 3Vod attempts to dump Javier as he gets more serious. Meanwhile, Howard's not best pleased with JP, and Kingsley and Josie go away camping.
3:15am
(repeat)
Dirty Sexy Funny: Olivia Lee
A hidden camera prank show for Comedy Central starring Olivia Lee. Features stunts, scripted sketches and setups.
3:45am
(repeat)
Monty Python: Almost The Truth
Episode 3The Pythons reveal the 'The Sordid Personal Bits', as they discuss their unwanted celebrity status, member Graham Chapman, BBC censorship and the departure of John Cleese.