Nearest And Dearest

"Of course I need a private secretary. Fifty copies of the annual report in pencil just isn't on these days!"

Since "Beetroot Bertha" has let the company "in-tray" get to such a state that British Rail won't transport it, Eli has decided to advertise for a secretary - much to Nellie's disgust. Of course, Eli being Eli, he has to interview only the most glamorous and scantily clad young women.

"Nemenie No-Knicks" as Nellie so nicely puts it, gets the job and Eli sets to work straight away whisking her off for dinners and typing up the odd memo in the parlour on a typewriter that was holding down the pigeon loft roof.

Unfortunately, there is always a cloud on the horizon, and as soon as the new secretary finds out Eli doesn't have any money, and won't have any money until he has lived with Nellie for at least five years, she is off.

But never fear, for Nellie finds a replacement straight away: not another bird for Eli to chase, but a strapping six foot man called Willoughby!