Nearest And Dearest

A minor tiff in the launderette, under Nellie's gentle touch, is soon well on its way to becoming a national crisis. Eli's not bothered until it gets him barred from the pub!

Nellie is waiting in the launderette with Walter and Lily, with Walter having his mind blown by the washing going around and around, when Nellie notices "her that had that thing there" sat sitting opposite. An argument between 'Piccalilli Nellie' and 'Easy Alice' is soon underway with a bandying of words around who's next to use the washer. This results in Walter being pushed into the machine with water and suds spurting in his ears and up his nose. "Never mind", says Nellie, "if he does go, at least his suit will be nice and clean for the funeral."

'Easy Alice', however, is the landlady of the Spread Eagle, Eli's local haunt, and he's barred from getting another drink in the pub after the war of words. As soon as Nellie finds out she bars all the pickle factory workers from ever buying a pint in there again or else they'll get the sack.

Three weeks later, and things have degenerated. Since Eli's barring, the pub is selling three barrels less a week and have had to cancel their holiday to Majorca. The solution is simple: Eli and Billy the landlord write apology letters to each woman purporting to be from the other, and all will be well in the world again.

The plan works and a celebration drink for all is underway when the women discover the truth of the letters' authorship, resulting in both threatening Eli that they'll "knock his flamin' head off"!