Max And Paddy's Road To Nowhere

Max

Played by comic genius Peter Kay, Max is your average down-to-earth, easy going Bolton Wanderer (though never let it be said that his wandering is confined to Bolton). Apparently an ex-army man, he likes to think of himself as a man of the world, able to adapt to his surroundings, to survive in the wild and use his finely tuned animal instincts. In actual fact, making a fire from rubbing sticks together is not something that comes as second nature to him and he is all too easily a victim of nettle rash.

Max is a loyal and principled friend, particularly to Paddy, whose friendship he believes resembles an indestructible force; like Magnet and Steel. He even goes to such lengths as letting psychotic friend and ex-colleague Billy tag along for the ride out of sheer obligation. His experience with women is somewhat lacking; after having his heart broken by little lady Tina, he appears to be cautious if not scared of women and fails to be seduced by a Belgrano sister in pursuit of his wallet.

Max is basically a good guy with a good heart, making mistakes along the way by taking leave of his senses at times, but always with the best of intentions and never shirking his responsibilities. He offers his pearls of wisdom to all who may need it, giving advice on a range of subjects from how to calculate the cost of a pig using a 'cuts of meat' equation to employee rights and HRT treatment for women going through the menopause. Even his first and only meeting with the son he never knew he had sees the young lad receive an inspirational speech. Shame he recognises it as the lyrics of Boyzone's Father and Son.

Paddy

A sitcom wouldn't be a sitcom without any sexual innuendos and these are provided in abundance by ladies' man Paddy. A little younger (and leaner) than Max, Paddy is the reckless force behind the partnership.

Following a childhood/adolescence of being labelled 'spazzy Paddy', the ugly duckling appears to have blossomed into a self-styled sex God. With his apparent knowledge of women's desires, cheesy chat-up lines and the ability to shake his thang on the dance floor, Paddy is always ready to deliver some hot lovin' to the ladies (and not of the pepperoni and tomato variety either). Breaking hearts (and headboards) along the way, Paddy is a free spirit, unable to commit himself and with little understanding of love. Even Max's attempts to convert him falls on deaf ears as he catches up on his beauty sleep instead; well, he has to prevent baldness creeping up on him somehow!

The more irresponsible and immature of the two, it is easy to form the impression that Paddy is also the more worldly (despite never having heard of the menopause), giving Max practical advice which doesn't extend far beyond the opposite sex, and providing himself with a get-out clause in most intimate situations ("Dave! Dave! Is that you?!"). In actual fact, both men are completely clueless in terms of how to hustle - or flow. Which is why they're on the open road... or, as most would call it, on the run.

Tina

The little lady with the big heart, Tina emerges as the one true love Max loved and lost. She left town after being mocked by Max's bouncer friends and discovering she was pregnant. Ridiculed for her size, Tina has moved on from the multi-coloured shell suits and tried to make a life for herself with husband Kevin a.k.a the Wolfster (no connection with full moons).

A dutiful wife and mother, she is keen to ensure her family stays together by keeping the identity of her son's father under wraps, something which proves difficult when Max turns up. Tina has a strong sense of obligation and, after suffering as a victim of a cruel society, doesn't believe in causing malice or hurt for its sake. Not a lover of the distorted Hall of Mirrors, Tina manages to disprove Max and Paddy of being possible paedophiles while keeping her son's innocence over his real father intact. No-one could accuse her of being small-minded, at least.