Milton Jones's House Of Rooms

Written by: Milton Jones
Published: Monday 9th January 2012

To find out more about this sitcom pilot we sent intrepid journalist Milton Jones to interview, er... Milton Jones. He reports back here...

My meeting with Milton Jones didn't get off to a good start. We'd arranged to meet in a café in Greek Street for a cappuccino. But when I arrived he was just sitting in the corner, wearing a cap and chinos. I tried to break the ice:

"Tell me about House of Rooms - your sitcom pilot for Channel 4. Its part of the playhouse season isn't it?"

"Yup" he said in his charismatic monotone.

"You wrote it with Dan Evans - I've always thought he's a hugely under-rated stand-up?"

"That would certainly explain his attitude", said Jones.

"Rumour has it it's a non-audience show shot in a big house, and it revolves around the relationship between you and your mother, played by versatile comedy actress Susie Blake?"

"If you say so"

Although he wasn't saying much, I could see what all the fuss was about: "Objective Productions, the people behind Peep Show are producing it, and its directed by hot property Ben Palmer fresh from shooting the smash hit Inbetweeners film?"

"Uh-huh"

Again beautifully delivered and with perfect timing. I couldn't contain myself any longer. "I've seen it - its brilliant!"

He raised a quizzical eyebrow.

"A Chinese man sold me pirate copy in a pub last week. I'm sorry to put it in these terms but... it's like Rising Damp crossed with the film Delicatessen. It's lots of daft characters, big silly jokes, all beautifully shot and with more than a hint of genuine pathos. Thank you, thank you, thank you...". Now I'd made a fool of myself.

Jones smiled enigmatically and asked for the bill. I think he sensed that I'd fallen in love with him and I wanted to have his children, and that I was already doing the math for gender realignment surgery. The bill arrived and Jones headed hurriedly towards the Ladies. I never saw him again. My best hope is to see him in House of Rooms - which is on Channel 4 on Friday at 10:30pm.