Have I Got News For You

Guz Khan hosts the satirical panel show, with Ross Noble and Janet Street-Porter joining Ian and Paul.

It has been a busy week of news for the panels to pick apart, with a diplomatic row breaking out over the Elgin Marbles, as Rishi Sunak snubbed the Greek PM before he returned to Athens, Michael Gove gave evidence at the Covid Inquiry, a new book about the Royal Family was released by Omid Scobie, and Peter Andre was announced as the latest presenting recruit for GB News.

But it was the diplomatic dispute between the UK and Greece over the Elgin Marbles this week that caught the attention of the panel first. With Greek Prime Minister Kyriakos Mitsotakis visiting the UK this week, Rishi Sunak cancelled their meeting at late notice after it was felt a promise not to publicly discuss the Parthenon Sculptures was broken.

"Ian you probably know what it means to Greek culture, the Parthenon statues, 'cos they don't mean anything to us over here really do they?" asked Paul Merton.

"It's the frieze on the top of the Parthenon," Ian Hislop replied. "Elgin went over there and said to the Ottoman Empire, 'can I have permission to take a few things?' And then he just smashed it, took half of it home. And the idea that no one's ever minded... Byron at the time made a huge fuss. And Elgin was going to put the marbles in his garden! The only reason the museum's got them is he went bankrupt and needed someone to buy them."

"I mean that would have been a hell of a shed," Ross Noble joked, to laughter from the audience. "'Where's Elgin?' 'He's down there'... But that's the thing, you say it was the Ottomans..."

"Good sofas," Merton quipped.

"That's what they're going to want back next. They're going to want our little poofy seats," agreed Noble.

"Can I be honest with you? This is all mad interesting but I don't understand anything you guys have just said," laughed host Guz Khan.

Later in the episode, the panel's attention turned to the release of a controversial new book this week, Endgame, written by royal commentator Omid Scobie about Harry and Meghan, and the Royal family.

"Yes, a new book on Prince Harry and Meghan Markle has been written. There's some controversy because it talks about some members of the Royal Family asking Meghan what colour her baby might be," said Merton.

"This is the news that the Royal Family bicker, fight and don't like spending time together. Something we can all finally relate to," joked Khan. "The problem with Omid Scobie's book, apart from the picture of his annoying face on the back cover, is that Scobie is a friend and ally of Meghan and Harry."

"That's quite tough," Hislop laughed.

"I don't know the brother, so if he wants to fight he's going to have to find me in Coventry," laughed Khan. "Scobie is a friend and ally of Meghan and Harry, so, as one critic wrote, it's quite one-sided, especially Chapter 7 where Kate cuts down the Sycamore Gap tree," he joked. "Who might be angry with Scobie about the book?"

"The rest of the Royal family I suppose. Prince Charles? Oh sorry, I meant King Charles. Spaniel. Spaniel. King Charles," said Merton, correcting himself.

"Are you behind on The Crown? Have you not got to that bit?" joked Noble.

"I haven't watched The Crown I'm afraid. I don't bother with that..." replied Merton.

"Well, spoiler alert, she dies at the end," quipped Noble.