Have I Got News For You

Clive Myrie takes up the reins as guest host, with journalist Camilla Long and actor Miles Jupp joining team captains Paul Merton and Ian Hislop to poke fun at the week's headlines.

BBC newsreader and host of Mastermind, Clive Myrie is in the centre chair - his first time in the host's seat after appearing on the programme twice before as a panellist.

Joining him on the panels are journalist Camilla Long and comedian Miles Jupp in the week that saw the emergence of Omicron, a new COVID variant that has placed doubt on the nation's Christmas plans, the Labour party announcing a surprise shadow cabinet reshuffle, Meghan Markle winning the latest legal battle in her privacy case against the Mail on Sunday, and the halting to production of I'm A Celebrity, Get Me Out Of Here, due to Storm Arwen.

The panel's attention was first turned to the emergence of a new COVID variant, Omicron. With experts currently unsure as to how severe the symptoms and transmission of the virus are, questions have been asked of the government as to whether Christmas parties and family gatherings should now be cancelled.

Camilla Long: "You're not allowed to snog under the mistletoe anymore."

Ian Hislop: "No snogging!"

Camilla Long: "Yeah, hold back. But I did see that Sajid Javid has reversed this and said that you can snog 'cautiously' under the mistletoe... which I think sums up the whole thing!"

Paul Merton: "You're not allowed to be kissed under the baubles apparently."

Ian Hislop: "We've got this new variant, and we've got to wait and find out what happens."

Clive Myrie: "Yes, it's the coronavirus, part 5. The comeback. 'Omicron'. Some slightly stupid people on the internet are saying that there's..."

Paul Merton: "There's slightly stupid people on the internet?!"

Clive Myrie: "Yes, some slightly stupid people on the internet are saying that there's a hidden code in the name. What's that, do you think?"

Ian Hislop: "It's an anagram of 'moronic'."

Clive Myrie: "Close! They say 'Omicron B' is an anagram of 'No crimbo'."

Paul Merton: "But it's not called 'Omicron B'. They've put the 'B' in to make the anagram work."

Clive Myrie: "Exactly..."

Allegations also emerged this week that the government had broken the lockdown rules in December 2020, to hold a Christmas party at No. 10.

Camilla Long: "We discovered that there had been loads of Christmas parties at Downing Street about a year ago, when they weren't meant to be having parties."

Miles Jupp: "It was around about the time that the Track & Trace app had gone so badly wrong, hadn't it? I think it messed around with various satnavs. Anyway, it turned out that Downing Street had been flagged up as a dogging hotspot."

Clive Myrie: "What has The Sun discovered about what's in store for office partygoers this Christmas? Many firms are curtailing certain activities."

Camilla Long: "No photocopying your bottom!"

Clive Myrie: "That's every year though, isn't it?"

Ian Hislop: "What sort of country have we become when you can't photocopy your own bottom?!"

Miles Jupp: "Is that what the Private Eye Christmas party is like Ian?"

Paul Merton: "They do a brass rubbing of each other's bottoms at Private Eye."

Clive Myrie: "This is the Omicron variant, which, just like last year, could threaten families' plans to meet up over the festive period. Boris Johnson was criticised after 50 people attended a boozy Christmas party at Downing Street during last year's lockdown. Keir Starmer is in the clear, as he also threw a party, but no one turned up."

Later in the episode, the panel discussed Labour's surprise reshuffle this week, with Yvette Cooper being brought back into the shadow cabinet.

Clive Myrie: "The Labour reshuffle saw the much-heralded return of Yvette Cooper. According to The Times, at the shadow cabinet meeting that followed, Cooper led a session on how Labour can develop a positive message. That's Yvette Cooper, minister during Gordon Brown's demise, a key face in Ed Miliband's failed bid for power, and loser in a leadership election against Jeremy Corbyn. Yes, Labour are back!"

It was also claimed this week that the Queen has banned a particular board game from the Royal Family's Christmas celebrations this year.

Clive Myrie: "What has the Queen banned the rest of her family from playing this Christmas?"

Camilla Long: "Oh, I think it was Monopoly wasn't it?"

Clive Myrie: "Yes, Monopoly. According to the Mirror, the board game is off the cards because it gets too vicious and causes arguments."

Miles Jupp: "Bit of a scrabble for the 'Get Out Of Jail Free' card?"