Fairly Secret Army

Harry Truscott

Major Harry Kitchener Wellington Truscott has devoted his life to the army but he has now been cast onto the scrapheap with the only legacy being his clipped method of speech. His wife has left him for an Italian, meaning that his children have had to face the ignominy of growing up in Rome instead of Aldershot. He has no job, no money and no hope. He does however, have a plan.

Harry wishes to protect Britain from all of the forces of evil who currently threaten it. Prospective recruits are proving to be tricky wallahs to attract but years in the army have left Major Truscott with several loyal and dependable followers.

Meeting Nancy leaves Harry lovestruck but the fact that they have not consummated their relationship causes him considerable frustration. He is not above being attracted to other women and could be willing to act on these feelings to help the cause.

Nancy Beamish

Nancy lives with her elder brother in the large house that she inherited from her late aunt. She was unwanted by her parents, has never married and leads a lonely life until she meets Harry. Despite his extreme beliefs, she becomes romantically involved with him and agrees to join his private army.

Timothy Beamish

A former soldier, Beamish has known Harry for many years having worked alongside him in the army and having had an affair with his wife. He has recently inherited a considerable amount of money due to his aunt's death and, in spite of the friction that exists between them, agrees to invest in Harry's cause.

He is fiercely against Harry and Nancy's relationship and gradually his support for the army wanes.

Sergeant Major Throttle

Throttle is a former colleague of Harry's and respects him enough to want to join his army. His love for Doris means he is torn however, and it is only when she gives him her support that they arrive together. He is a dependable, loyal military man and hangs on Harry's every word.

Doris Entwistle

A former drill sergeant in the army, Doris is now betrothed to Lionel Throttle and looking forward to moving into a council house that has a bathroom suite in duckegg blue. Her loyalty to her lover persuades her to join him in the army but it remains to be seen whether she can live without her home comforts.

Peg-leg Pogson

Pogson is a mercenary soldier who has considerable experience of working in Africa. Despite his nickname, he still has his full quota of legs but decided upon the moniker as his agent suggested that it would enable him to charge higher fees. He has now grown weary of killing for money and decided that from now on he will only kill people who he hates.

He has a more sensitive side and falls in love with Nancy. This naturally causes friction between him and Harry and threatens his position within the army.

Stubby Collins (Series 1)

A friend of Ron Boat's who has also spent time in prison for grievous bodily harm. He wishes to help protect the country against the extreme left and also has nothing else to do. He spends most of his spare time drinking in the local pub with his dubious associates.

2nd Lt. Bagnall

Second Lieutenant Bagnall is another former army colleague of Harry's. He voted liberal at the last election, applied for a job in social work and is having an affair with an abstract artist. All of these faults could be forgiven but his homosexuality is a bridge too far.

Ron Boat

Boat has spent time in prison for grievous bodily harm and now that he is free, he wishes to join Harry's revolution. He swiftly becomes a loyal member of the team but is unhappy to be classed as inferior to the other members. His lack of intelligence does not allow him to remain unhappy for long however.

'Crazy' Colin Carstairs (Series 1)

Carstairs has been a vegetarian all of his life and is passionate about healthy eating, thus making him the perfect man to run the group's health shop. He is an experienced soldier having commanded in Africa and Asia and has faced two firing squads. Whether he can survive encountering Harry is another matter though.

Jill (Series 2)

Jill is beautiful, intelligent and from a privileged background. Unfortunately all she wants to be is ordinary. It is the very fact that Harry is ordinary that appeals to her and so she agrees to sleep with him. She is a loyal member of the Marxist cell but talking in her sleep could lead to her being a security risk.

The Cobra (Series 2)

The Cobra is the urbane, intelligent, polite yet ruthless leader of the Marxist cell which Harry tries to infiltrate. He is single minded and his only interest lies in the revolution. Although Harry and Nancy are permitted to join the cell, The Cobra trusts neither of them. He is determined that they will not get in the way of his attempts to act against the oppressors of society.

Lennie (Series 2)

Violent, monosyllabic and ugly, Lennie is a fearsome presence within the cell. He enjoys cooking, despite lacking any perceptible ability, and inflicting pain upon Harry. Lennie is very much The Cobra's subordinate and follows orders obediently.

Paul Trescott (Series 2)

Paul is Harry's son but grew up in Rome with his mother and her new man. He now calls himself Paulo and is an award winning hairdresser. A member of the Marxist cell, Paul is a disappointment to his father due to his Leftist beliefs and his homosexuality. Paul is currently involved in a relationship with Bagnall.

Smith (Series 2)

Smith is the representative of a secret organisation who are looking for a ruthless and dishonest group to serve them. He believes that he has found what he is looking for in Harry's army and sets them the task of tracking down The Cobra. If Harry succeeds then Smith will take all of the credit and if Harry fails then Smith will deny all knowledge of the affair.