Benidorm

The Dykes from Watford are certainly livening things up at the Solana. Roly-poly dad Clive (Perry Benson) is affable enough, but his Amazonian wife Tonya (Hannah Waddingham) is appalled to be stuck in a "swingers' hotel". Daughter Bianca (Bel Powley) is mistaken for a high-class prostitute, while her brother Tiger (Danny Walters) is proving himself Benidorm's answer to the Artful Dodger.

He leads Michael astray, the Garvey lad who, between series, has shot up from cute kid on the periphery to wayward teen key to the mayhem. With Madge sniping from her motorised wheelchair and Mick let out of jail, a full-on bust-up between Dykes and Garveys is guaranteed.

In other news, camp Kenneth is reopening his Blow 'n' Go salon, and Joyce has a hot flush over Mateo's shirt-ripping brawl with a rival cocktail tosser.

I know Benidorm (ITV) has its admirers but every time I stagger through one of its sordid, sunburnt farces involving the worst of the Brits abroad, I feel like I need a good wash.

Writer Derren Litten has not messed with a formula that's about as subtle as a kick in the castanets - jokes about gruesome swingers 'releasing the beast' after swallowing a key don't get anywhere near my gag reflex. Having the karaoke singer perform Panic by The Smiths was a surreal if totally unbelievable touch, though.

Benidorm (ITV) started in 2007, which is odd as it feels like it's been dragging on for at least 20 years. Nothing changes: Mick and his mother-in-law Madge are still bickering, the staff are still ripping off the guests, and the karaoke never ends.

Half the jokes have been doing the rounds since the dawn of package holidays - towels on the sunbeds, foreign muck on the menus, grumpy customs men. But Benidorm has another tradition, of including a few very polished lines into the hackneyed script.

Just when you think you can't stomach another gay innuendo or boob joke, someone says something surreal and inventive. 'I'm sorry, I have to go now,' flounced hairdresser's assistant Liam. 'I have a nasal hair wax heater that is threatening to overboil.'

His boss, Kenneth, was in trouble with the hairdressing mafia, the Hafia. 'I'm going to wake up with a horse's head in my bed,' he fretted, 'with a permed mane.'

And while you're chuckling in surprise at that, the cast get back to the serious business of poolside flirting and toilet humour. Like the all-inclusive holiday and budget airlines, it's a formula that keeps us coming back.

Banish the winter blues by flopping down on a sun lounger at the Hotel Solana, the grubbiest four-star flophouse in all the Costas (as in Spanish coast rather than coffee shop chain) and checking out the farcical antics of the package holiday crew. It's business as bawdy usual in Derren Litten's sunburnt sitcom, with Splash! star Jake Canuso shaking the cocktails behind the bar as the Solana's ragbag clientele - led by the gruesome Garveys and shameless swingers Donald and Jacqueline - bed in for another series. This Is England's roly-poly Perry Benson is good value as new recruit Clive, who arrives with statuesque spouse Tonya and troublesome son Tiger.

Say hola! as Derren Litten's bawdy carnival returns for seven more weeks of fun in the sun. Solana regulars, the Garveys, check in - Madge already looking like she's been dipped in creosote, but with Mick detained at the airport. (Litten had to write around Steve Pemberton who was tied up on Whitechapel.)

The swingers are back, too ("Jacqueline and I have extraordinarily high gag reflexes," warns Donald) and take extreme action when hotel manager Joyce reneges on her promise of a free holiday.

And expect friction from new arrivals, the Dyke family from Watford. Brassy mum Tonya - don't ever call her Tanya - feels she's a cut above: "I wouldn't kennel my dog in this place."

Jack Canuso tells us what to expect in new series

The award-winning comedy returns with more poolside banter and innuendo as the usual suspects top up their tans at the four star all-inclusive hotel.

Interview with the Dykes

They're loud, from Watford and set to shake up the Solana. RT goes on set to meet the four unknown actors heading for sitcom fame.

Interview with The Garveys

RT's Patrick Mulkern meets his sitcom heroes, Steve Pemberton, Siobhan Finneran and Sheila Reid.

Interview with hotel staff

Why is Sherrie Hewson "beyond thrilled", Tim Healy a lady and Jake Canuso in pain?