Absolutely Fabulous

I don't wish to raise unnecessary alarm, but there was a rather strange development at BBC1 last Monday as the continuity guy introduced the Absolutely Fabulous Olympic special. Because these were his exact words: 'Next tonight, comedy gold as Eddie and Patsy get into the Olympic spirit.'

My initial concern here was that the BBC appeared to have caught a nasty case of 'reviewing our own show' disease, which medical sources suggest was first brought into this country by a Mr S Cowell, of London. Half an hour later.

If this is to be the last we see of their grotesque creations they will never be able to say with any degree of honesty that they went out on a high.

I had an even greater problem. Namely, how do I go about suing the national broadcaster for a flagrant breach of the Trades Descriptions Act?
Because this was not gold of any kind, least of all comedy. In fact, for the most part it wasn't comedy of any kind, either.

Yes, there was the odd wry Olympics observation, although nothing that could touch the satirical majesty of BBC2's brilliant Twenty Twelve. And yes, there was a very clever sight gag when Patsy held up Eddie's body contouring all-in-one.
But the rest of the jokes were so lame that on more than one occasion I swear I spotted Derek Redmond's dad rushing up to help them over the line.

They saved the worst one - a real stinker about Clare Balding which I cannot even bring myself to commit to print here - until near the end. (Presumably the thinking was that they would get away with it because most people would have switched off by then.)

Of course, it is Jennifer Saunders and Joanna Lumley I feel most sorry for. If this is to be the last we see of their grotesque creations they will never be able to say with any degree of honesty that they went out on a high.
In Olympic terms, they never even got near the podium.

At best it had the feel of a tired and uninspired end-of-the-run panto. At worst it was like watching a low-rent drag act spewing out filth and innuendo in the vain hope of getting at least one laugh in a grotty East End pub.

Plus, it was in no way helped by the most irritatingly intrusive laughter track in history, which featured one spectacularly loud woman who sounded like a hyena on HRT being fed into a woodchipper.

On a more positive note, it will have provided a welcome boost to David Jason's ego. Because thanks to some of the physical comedy on show here, his performances in The Royal Bodyguard have now slipped to No 2 on this year's Most Toe-Curling TV Slapstick chart.
David can also boast that the BBC didn't hijack his show and fill it with sneaky and self-congratulatory plugs for their upcoming Jubilee coverage. Jennifer Saunders didn't get off so lightly.

First say (the criminally wasted Julia Sawalha) had a line about how much better the TV coverage of the Olympics is in Britain than in Africa. Then Gran (the genuinely wonderful June Whitfield) gave the BBC another premature pat on the back with this closing thought: 'I don't understand why anyone would actually want to be there when they can watch it in comfort on the good old Auntie Beeb.'

Joanna Lumley interview

Joanna Lumley says "It's all up to Jennifer Saunders if there will be more. If she writes a film, I'll be in it."

Video: Saunders & Lumley carry Olympic flame

Jennifer Saunders and Joanna Lumley jointly carried the Olympic flame in London, a day before the opening ceremony.

The pair, famous for their roles as Edina and Patsy in the hit comedy Absolutely Fabulous, held the torch together as they jogged along the King's Road in Chelsea.

Ab Fab Olympic special was no gold medal-winner

The final Absolutely Fabulous special might have been timely, as Edina and Patsy offered their own spin on the Olympics, but the show itself is starting to look as old and tired as its characters.

Ab Fab: A tired team running out of ideas

The trick to filling in 30 minutes of airtime with 15 minutes of material seemed to be, quite literally, often saying the same line twice and hoping we wouldn't notice.

Absolutely Fabulous built the last of its three specials around Eddy and Patsy's wild excitement about the Olympics. It isn't the sport they're interested in, obviously, but the imminent arrival of Michael Douglas, who has rented Eddy's house and who they see as a passport to A-list Olympic parties. "I shall be wearing my buttocks as a head-dress by the time that man arrives," announced Eddy, who plans a major make-over.

Unfortunately, she's not been paying very close attention to the calendar and doesn't realise she's left it too late, a mistake she feels is forgivable: "It's been everywhere for five bloody years! Excuse me if I missed that it's actually bloody started. It's been like tinnitus." Dames Kelly Holmes and Tanni Grey-Thompson and Stella McCartney offered themselves up as straight-women for Patsy and Eddy's faux pas and there was a brief, slightly baffling visit to the Olympic Stadium, during which both women enjoyed an unconvincing reverie of athletic glory. And then, after quite a few raucous laughs, it just stopped, as if nobody had quite worked out where the finish tape was. But I did enjoy Eddy's protest as she was bundled out of the stadium by a security guard: "You're discouraging me from taking up sport!"

Leaping on the Olympics bandwagon like a botoxed hippo on a trampoline came Absolutely Fabulous, possibly the last ever outing for Eddy and Patsy. It had its moments but it's probably best not to flog this horse too much further. I want to remember Pats at her drop-dead best, not literally dropping dead and leaking when she sneezes. The best bit: Bubble on the beam (well, the back of a settee, actually).

Ab Fab gets gold for worst Olympic Games show

This onslaught of Olympic-related programming won't last. The bad news is it'll be replaced with the real thing.

Absolutely Fabulous Olympics special grabs 5.6 million

Absolutely Fabulous triumphed in last night's (July 23) ratings for its Olympics special, according to the latest overnight data.

Charge your flutes with vodka champagne cocktail, Ab Fab fans! This could be the last-ever episode (although there are rumours of a movie). Certainly, it's the last of three specials, after two at Christmas and New Year, reuniting the bad girls of chichi Holland Park for their 20th anniversary.

Why the long wait? Well, this was always intended as an Olympics-themed edition, with the Games descending abruptly upon Patsy and Eddy's blinkered lives. Eddy could go for gold herself - if there were a category for partying and pratfalls. Sadly, Patsy looks set to be left at the starting line: she's developed, well, let's just say a little issue whenever she sneezes and is in need of a "tightening procedure".

Jennifer Saunders and Joanna Lumley are on top form with the physical comedy and waspish remarks. June Whitfield's Gran is as endearingly batty as ever and tonight gets the final funny line - if not the last laugh. Watch out for cameos by Dames Kelly Holmes and Tanni Grey-Thompson, as well as fashion designer Stella McCartney, for whom Eddy has developed something of a girl crush. It is not reciprocated.