I See Dead People
Friday 15th May 2015
"I see dead people". You're lucky. Until you describe them, I can't see anyone at all.
One of the most common faults in scripts sent to Sitcom Mission, is that the writer hasn't described his/her characters whatsoever. Something like this:
INT. BOOKSHOP - DAY
ANDY: Wow! Fancy bumping into you!
ALAN: I know. How amazing! How are things?
ANDY: Oh, you know.
Etc, etc.
One problem with this exchange (apart from the terrible dialogue) is that the writer hasn't bothered describing either Andy or Alan. I have no idea how old they are for a start. Two pensioners? Two students? Are they even the same age? Crucially, what are they like? How are they different?
Good character description is like poetry; a few carefully-chosen words expand in the reader's mind into something much richer.
Have a look at these character introductions (all taken from the pilot for Fox sitcom Weird Loners):
STOSH LEWANDOSKI: early 40's, whip-smart, rakishly handsome, cynical
ZARA MILLER - late 30's, long hair, ethereal, georgeous without trying
ERIC LEWANDOSKI - mid 30's, horn-rimmed glasses, odd, nerdy, though not bad looking
Even minor characters that we'll probably never see again, are lightly sketched. Susan Quinlan could have just been described as 'NEIGHBOUR', but here she's:
SUSAN QUINLAN (40's, bathrobed, life-weary)
I can see Michael J. Weithorn's characters. He's made them as clear as possible for the reader, and consequently his script is a pleasure to read.
Bear in mind that a reader may be ploughing through a lot of scripts in a day. How do you make sure that yours stands out? Describing your characters is a good place to start.
To read Weird Loners, and lots of other pilot scripts, visit www.zen134237.zen.co.uk
Try this as an exercise: how do your characters come across the first time you see them? Because that's how the script reader and the audience will experience them. How can you sum that up in three words?
Of course, it's not only characters that need describing; sets do, too. If you write: 'INT. ALAN AND ANDY'S FLAT - DAY' I have no idea whether I'm looking at a cramped, dingy flat strewn with pizza boxes or a pristine metal and glass New York style loft apartment. Tell me what the flat's like and I'll have a strong impression of the people who live there.
The brilliant Phil Whelans (creator of My First Planet) gave our students some really interesting advice regarding set description. He said that there was no need to minutely describe the set (ultimately it's going to look the way that the set designer sees it), what's more important, is to describe the atmosphere in the scene. Something like this:
INT. DENTIST'S WAITING ROOM - DAY
Everyone speaks in hushed tones as they wait to be seen.
Also useful is describing how characters react to each other.
INT. LIBRARY - DAY
BRIAN explains where he was last night to an increasingly sceptical SUSIE.
Giving us a description like this at the top of the scene means that you avoid a forest of 'wrylies' in the body of it, which are hell to read:
SUSIE
(DOUBTFULLY)
SUSIE
(SARCASTICALLY)
SUSIE
(MOCKINGLY)
Etc, etc.
That single description at the top of the scene covers all those annoying parentheticals, and you can leave the actors to get on with their job.