Suzi Ruffell writes first book, anxiety memoir Am I Having Fun Now?
- Am I Having Fun Now? traces Suzi Ruffell's experiences with anxiety throughout her life
- The book, Ruffell's first, features interviews with the likes of Dolly Alderton and Elizabeth Day
- She says: "It's kind of like a self-help book ... at the end of each chapter I talk to a psychologist or therapist"
Suzi Ruffell has written her first book, a memoir about coping with anxiety.
Am I Having Fun Now? will be published on 5th June by Bluebird, who previously put out the late comic Maddy Anholt's memoir How To Leave Your Psychopath in 2022.
Chronicling Ruffell's struggles with anxiety throughout her life, the book also features interviews with psychiatrists, therapists and other mental health experts, including Everything I Know About Love creator Dolly Alderton, Elizabeth Day, Charlene Douglas, Laura Bates, Dr Kirren Schnack and others.
Reflecting on LGBTQ+ equality and being working-class in comedy and the arts, the upsides and downsides of ambition, Ruffell, who is dyslexic, also recalls how she struggled to "find her groove" at school and masked her anxiety with musical theatre. The memoir traces her love life too, from her coming out, to falling in love and becoming a parent.
Ruffell posted a video on Instagram earlier this year of trying to write the book while struggling with her ADHD:
Anxiety has "been a companion the whole way through my life," Ruffell recalled on Channel 4's Sunday Brunch in May.
But Am I Having Fun Now? is "not really negative about anxiety. Anxiety is just something that I've always lived with.
"Throughout the book, I take you through different things that have happened throughout my life, falling in love, falling out of love, having your heart broken. Anxiety has been a theme through all of it ... it's kind of like a self-help book but the help's not from me.
"At the end of each chapter, I sit down and talk to a psychologist or a therapist and I get genuine things that can help everyday anxiety."
Jokingly, she added: "It's a way to get free therapy, that's what I'm doing."
Speaking to Saturday Kitchen on BBC One, Ruffell also disclosed that she explores whether having your heart broken "makes you a kinder person?" The memoir comes "hopefully from a funny perspective and I'm seeking advice from people that actually know things rather than me, who shows off for a living".
She and her friend and fellow stand-up Tom Allen are recording a live episode of their hit podcast Like Minded Friends at Kings Place in London tonight as part of the London Podcast Festival, with Ruffell also taping an episode of her football podcast with Maisie Adam, Big Kick Energy, at the same venue the following evening.
Additionally, she hosts the interview podcast Out With Suzi Ruffell, where guests have included Allen, Rosie Jones, Alan Carr, Joe Lycett, Sarah Keyworth, Jordan Gray, Adam Kay and Zoe Lyons.
Suzi Ruffell - Am I Having Fun Now?: Anxiety, Applause And Life's Big Questions, Answered
Does peaking in high school ruin you for life?
Was Miley Cyrus right, is it all about the climb (when it comes to building a career)?
And what - scientifically - is the best way to mend a broken heart?
Comedian Suzi Ruffell is considering life's big questions.
In this brutally honest, funny, and often moving memoir, Suzi winningly tells her life story, and asks a host of experts to answer the tricky questions it prompts along the way. Diamond life advice comes from the likes of Elizabeth Day, Dolly Alderton, Charlene Douglas, Laura Bates, Dr Kirren Schnack, and more.
From masking anxiety with musical theatre and struggling to find her groove at school, on stage, and in her love life, to (eventually) coming out, falling in love, and becoming a parent, Suzi lays her life bare with trademark wit, verve and style.
Am I Having Fun Now? is riveting, relatable and revealing, studded with brilliant, cutting observations on feminism, being working class in the world of arts and comedy, LGBTQ+ equality and the up- and down-sides of ambition.
First published: Thursday 5th June 2025
- Publisher: Bluebird
- Pages: 288
- Catalogue: 9781035036882
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- Publisher: Bluebird
BCG may earn commission on sales generated through the links above.
- Publisher: Bluebird
- Minutes: 500
BCG may earn commission on sales generated through the links above.