Andy Hamilton & Kevin Day pen funny books about football's mega-wealth
Andy Hamilton and Kevin Day have written funny books about football's extraordinary finances.
Drop The Dead Donkey and Outnumbered creator Hamilton has penned the memoir Blue Was The Colour, about his relationship with the beautiful game and specifically supporting Chelsea FC since he was six-years-old, which will be published in September by sport specialists Pitch Publishing.
The comic grew up in a house backing onto Chelsea's Stamford Bridge stadium.
And he told fellow stand-up James Gill on his Always Be Comedy podcast that his book will span the history "between my first game, which was Chelsea v Newcastle in 1960 and the game which we played last March, Chelsea v Newcastle, which was around the time that [former Chelsea owner Roman Abramovich] had just been sanctioned [for his ties to the Russian government] and Newcastle had just been bought by Saudi Arabia.
"So that's quite a distance between those two episodes. It's a funny memoir but looking at the changes. Because in 1960, the players were on no more money than the average person in the crowd, they were on a maximum of £20 a week. And of course, last March, the fans were looking at 22 millionaires playing. There are so many extraordinary differences when you stop to think about it."
Elsewhere in the chat, Hamilton likened the corporate speech of Chelsea's media operation to Gus Hedges, Drop The Dead Donkey's gobbledegook spouting chief executive.
"Management bullshit never dies," he said. "It's funny how often I'll catch the new spokesperson for for the new owner, Todd Boehly, and he talks in pure Gus-isms. It's all meaningless gibberish."
Blue Was The Colour is Pitch's third book in the Football Shorts series, following Ian Ridley's Pantomime Hero: Jimmy Armfield: Memories Of The Man Who Lifted Leeds After Brian Clough and Jane Purdon's The Homecoming: The Lionesses And Beyond.
Meanwhile, veteran Have I Got News For You scribe and Crystal Palace fan Day has penned the satirical Unfit And Improper Persons: From Sunday League To Champions League - An Idiot's Guide To Owning A Football Club.
Co-written with football finance expert Kieran Maguire and Guy Kilty, producer of Day and Maguire's Price Of Football podcast, "the smart and irreverent guide to running a football club" is published by Bloomsbury Sport on 12th October and features contributions from fellow Palace fan Jo Brand, ex-comedian-turned-TV chef Ainsley Harriott, Gary Lineker and Clare Balding.
Rather than pass the FA's "fit and proper persons test" to become the owner of a football club, Day, Maguire and Kilty have founded their own imaginary club instead, West Park Rovers.
In Unfit And Improper Persons they take West Park on a journey from the lowest level of the FA pyramid right up to the English Football League, the Premier League and, if fortune favours the fictional, into the heart of Europe.
At least that's the plan, but inevitably they face a few challenges along the way. Where to find a shirt sponsor? What should the mascot be - is a dog called Rover too obvious? Can they pay the women's team the same as the men's team? (Spoiler alert: no-one else does.) What's the best way to avoid money laundering charges? And how can they get Messi to the Kleanwell Stadium next season, like they promised the fans?
Roofing over the toilets, paying the electric on the floodlights, salary caps, parachute payments and avoiding bankruptcy, never mind relegation. The trio quickly learn that owning a football club isn't all about stuffing prawn sarnies and quaffing champagne in the directors' box.
Unfit & Improper Persons: An Idiot's Guide To Owning A Football Club
A smart and irreverent guide to running a football club, brought to you by the team behind the acclaimed Price Of Football podcast.
Buying a football club will set you back a few quid, but you've also got to pass the FA's 'fit and proper persons' test. That all seems like a bit of a faff to the team behind the popular podcast The Price Of Football, so acclaimed comedy writer Kevin Day, football finance expert Kieran Maguire and producer Guy Kilty start an imaginary club instead.
In Unfit And Improper Persons they take West Park Rovers* on a journey from the lowest level of the FA pyramid right up to the English Football League, the Premier League and, if fortune favours the fictional, into the heart of Europe.
At least that's the plan, but inevitably they face a few challenges along the way. Where to find a shirt sponsor? What should the mascot be - is a dog called Rover too obvious? Can they pay the women's team the same as the men's team? (Spoiler alert: no-one else does.) What's the best way to avoid money laundering charges? And how can they get Messi to the Kleanwell Stadium next season, like they promised the fans?
Roofing over the toilets, paying the electric on the floodlights, salary caps, parachute payments and avoiding bankruptcy, never mind relegation - owning a football club isn't all about stuffing prawn sarnies and quaffing champagne in the directors' box.
With contributions from those in the know and celeb fans, including Gary Lineker, Clare Balding, Ainsley Harriott and Jo Brand, Unfit And Improper Persons lays bare the labyrinthine world of football finance, and discover what's really going on behind the scenes of the beautiful game.
*Merch available
First published: Thursday 12th October 2023
- Publisher: Bloomsbury
- Pages: 304
- Catalogue: 9781399407540
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- Publisher: Bloomsbury
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Andy Hamilton - Blue Was The Colour
Blue Was The Colour is a witty, wise and charming assessment of modern football by Chelsea FC fan Andy Hamilton, one of the country's leading comedy writers and stand-ups, and a novelist to boot.
Andy grew up in the streets surrounding Stamford Bridge and fell in love with Chelsea and football as a six-year-old taken to his first match by his older brother. That love endured as an obsession until the modern game's money and machinations took over and left him questioning its, and his, priorities.
Taking as a starting point his first game against Newcastle United and comparing it with a match now between two teams owned by an American - via a Russian - and a Saudi Arabian government arm, the inimitable Hamilton relates how he came to question his passion for his club and football itself.
Blue Was The Colour will have fans and readers laughing out loud and nodding in agreement.
First published: Monday 25th September 2023
- Publisher: Pitch Publishing
- Pages: 224
- Catalogue: 9781801504850
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