Schedule Thursday 7th March 2013
6am
(repeat)
On The Buses
Series 3, Episode 5 - Busmen's PerksOlive wants to redecorate her bedroom. By far the cheapest approach is for Stan to get a couple of cans of cheap bus paint from the garage. After all, everyone's at it - even the boss.
6:10am
(repeat)
The Brittas Empire
Despite his ambition and good intentions, everything seems to go wrong at Whitbury New Town Leisure Centre when manager Gordon Brittas is around.
6:40am
(repeat)
2point4 Children
Series 1, Episode 4 - Love And MarriageBill's mother comes to stay, and is just as difficult as ever. Meanwhile, Bill's also finding it increasingly difficult to communicate and reason with Jenny - could daughter be turning into mother?
7am
(repeat)
Carpool
Episode 1 - Jason Manford & Rufus HoundJason Manford and Argumental's Rufus Hound climb into the passenger seat of Robert Llewellyn's car for a grilling.
7am
(repeat)
Up The Garden Path
Episode 3.6, A Dick in Shining Armour: Will pregnant Izzy be able to finally settle down with the man of her dreams?
7:20am
(repeat)
The Brittas Empire
Despite his ambition and good intentions, everything seems to go wrong at Whitbury New Town Leisure Centre when manager Gordon Brittas is around.
7:30am
(repeat)
Jeremy Hardy Speaks To The Nation
Series 9, Episode 1 - How to Exercise PowerJeremy Hardy presents his ninth series of comic lectures, starting off by looking at the subject of power.
8am
(repeat)
Last Of The Summer Wine
Series 14, Episode 6 - Happy Birthday, HowardMarina asks Clegg to deliver her birthday gift for Howard.
8am
(repeat)
It Sticks Out Half A Mile
Episode 6 - The Friends Of Frambourne PierVoluntary work is required if the pier is to open up again, so Pike and Hodges canvas Frambourne's populace.
8:20am
(repeat)
The Upper Hand
Series 4, Episode 5 - The Girl Next DoorAt a summer fair in Charlie's old street, Caroline encounters a rival
8:30am
(repeat)
Take It From Here
The Glums grapple with a crossword and a cautionary tale from Monte Carlo.
8:40am
(repeat)
As Time Goes By
Lionel and Jean were young lovers until accidentally losing touch. Years later they meet again by chance and unexpectedly rekindle their romance.
9am
(repeat)
The Mausoleum Club
The Fall Of The Mausoleum Club, Episode 5 - The T MachineTime is running out for the oddest club in London. The Stranger has given the ineffectual Mr Tilly the task of destroying Dr Julius Venn, an evil scientist.
9:10am
(repeat)
Sooty
Modern incarnation of the children's comedy series. The puppets Sooty, Sweep and Soo help Richard Cadell at a coastal holiday park.
9:20am
(repeat)
My Family
Series 6, Episode 1 - Bliss For IdiotsBen is unhappy with his lot, but is even less happy with Susan's book-writing house guest. Perhaps the Brotherhood of the Cockerel has the answer?
9:30am
(repeat)
Jest A Minute
Series 2, Episode 5Greg Davies, Eggsy, Lloyd Langford and Chris Corcoran join Rhod Gilbert for the comedy quiz from Cardiff.
10am
(repeat)
Keeping Up Appearances
Suburban snob Hyacinth Bucket devotes her time to monitoring standards and attempting to impress influential people.
10:25am
(repeat)
Me & My Monsters
Series 2, Episode 9 - The Fall OutIt's Eddie's birthday and he can't wait for a party with his three best friends in the all the world - Haggis, Fiend and Norman. But when the monsters argue over what present to give Eddie, it turns into a full scale row that threatens all the party plans, and even their friendship with Eddie.
10:35am
(repeat)
Last Of The Summer Wine
Series 14, Episode 5 - Ordeal By TrousersCompo recalls an old schoolboy custom which will prove if Foggy's war stories are true or not.
10:50am
(repeat)
Scoop
Series 1, Episode 8 - Gran Day OutDigby chases a crime gang that has been stealing valuables and replacing them with cakes.
11:15am
(repeat)
Ever Decreasing Circles
Series 1, Episode 4Martin, Ann, Howard and Hilda have holidayed at the same Alpine guest house every year for the last 7, but this year Paul has offered them use of a villa in Spain. Martin relishes their routine and is appalled...
11:55am
(repeat)
The Good Life
Series 2, Episode 2 - The Guru Of SurbitonTwo students spend a week at the Good household, helping Tom and Barbara with the chores and observing their way of life. Guy and Ruth soon decide to establish a self-sufficiency commune, of which Tom will be patriarch. He is less keen, but they're insistent. At least at first...
12pm
(repeat)
It Sticks Out Half A Mile
Episode 6 - The Friends Of Frambourne PierVoluntary work is required if the pier is to open up again, so Pike and Hodges canvas Frambourne's populace.
12:30pm
(repeat)
Take It From Here
The Glums grapple with a crossword and a cautionary tale from Monte Carlo.
12:40pm
(repeat)
'Allo 'Allo!
Series 3, Episode 2 - Gruber Does Some MincingWhen Flick's copy of the Fallen Madonna crumbles to iced particles, Gruber convinces him that it was only a forgery, and that the original can be copied again. Meanwhile, Monsieur Alfonse is keen to regain his life-savings, and the resistance steal a lawnmower engine...
12:40pm
(repeat)
Dani's House
Series 3, Episode 6 - Book SquirmWhen the local library closes down, Dani reluctantly agrees to to set up the library in her house. With Sam and Jack's help, she turns it into a hip and happening reading place, but just as the mayor comes to inspect how well she's doing, the entire place starts to fall apart.
1:25pm
(repeat)
'Allo 'Allo!
Series 3, Episode 3 - The Sausage In The WardrobeMaria is - along with the Fallen Madonna - being held in his room at the chateau by General Von Klinkerhoffen. Hidden inside a sausage, the General hangs the painting up to cure - but their unromantic trist is about to be interrupted!
1:30pm
(repeat)
The Admirable Crichton
1957 film based on J M Barrie's play. Kenneth More stars as butler to a family who find themselves shipwrecked on a desert island.
2pm
(repeat)
Tommy Cooper
Sketch, stand-up and magic from the inimitable Tommy Cooper.
2:10pm
(repeat)
Only Fools And Horses
Series 7, Episode 1 - The Sky's The LimitRodney's marriage problems have made him seek solace from drink but, although he offers help, Del is too busy himself to offer any practical help
2:15pm
(repeat)
Last Of The Summer Wine
Series 14, Episode 6 - Happy Birthday, HowardMarina asks Clegg to deliver her birthday gift for Howard.
2:30pm
(repeat)
Tommy Cooper
Sketch, stand-up and magic from the inimitable Tommy Cooper.
2:55pm
(repeat)
As Time Goes By
Lionel and Jean were young lovers until accidentally losing touch. Years later they meet again by chance and unexpectedly rekindle their romance.
3:15pm5 min
Shaun The Sheep
Series 3, Episode 9 - Bye Bye BarnShaun and the Flock discover that the Farmer has grand plans for their barn - that don't include them! Drastic action is needed if life on the farm is ever going to be the same again.
3:30pm
(repeat)
My Family
Series 6, Episode 1 - Bliss For IdiotsBen is unhappy with his lot, but is even less happy with Susan's book-writing house guest. Perhaps the Brotherhood of the Cockerel has the answer?
3:30pm
(repeat)
Last Of The Summer Wine
Series 8, Episode 1 - The Mysterious Feet Of Nora BattyWith the notable exception of Compo, Nora Batty is not used to anyone looking at her. So when her husband Wally takes an unnatural interest in those parts of her body she stands on, she is understandably unnerved. It is, of course, all part of Compo, Clegg and Foggy's attempts to settle a question of size once and for always.
4:10pm
(repeat)
Keeping Up Appearances
Suburban snob Hyacinth Bucket devotes her time to monitoring standards and attempting to impress influential people.
4:10pm
(repeat)
Only When I Laugh
Series 2, Episode 3 - It Can Damage Your HealthDespite being warned on a frequent basis, the patients are undeterred by the risks of smoking.
4:45pm
(repeat)
Faith In The Future
Series 2, Episode 2 - Wrong MovesHannah is devastated after losing both a boyfriend and a job - all because she's too old.
4:50pm
(repeat)
Last Of The Summer Wine
Series 14, Episode 5 - Ordeal By TrousersCompo recalls an old schoolboy custom which will prove if Foggy's war stories are true or not.
5pm
(repeat)
Doctor At Large
Dirk Bogarde stars as Dr Simon Sparrow, the medical practitioner. Sparrow decides to branch out from St Swithin's Hospital.
5pm
(repeat)
King Street Junior
Series 7, Episode 8 - Endings and BeginningsMr. Holliday retires, Miss Lewis becomes the new Deputy Head, and Mr. Sims returns, but he is worried about a boy he befriended at hospital who is suffering from cancer.
5:15pm
(repeat)
The Upper Hand
Series 4, Episode 6 - Charlie's Auntie's UncleCharlie begins to regret helping out a young tearaway when Joanna gets too friendly with him.
5:15pm30 min
Dani's Castle
Series 1, Episode 8 - Dark And Stormy NightStrange things happen when the lights go out in a storm and Jimmy entertains the gang with a spooky story by torchlight.
5:30pm
(repeat)
Ever Decreasing Circles
Series 1, Episode 4Martin, Ann, Howard and Hilda have holidayed at the same Alpine guest house every year for the last 7, but this year Paul has offered them use of a villa in Spain. Martin relishes their routine and is appalled...
5:30pm
(repeat)
My Parents Are Aliens
Long-running children's sitcom following the lives of three orphaned children. Their new foster parents are secretly aliens.
5:30pm
(repeat)
Up The Garden Path
Episode 3.6, A Dick in Shining Armour: Will pregnant Izzy be able to finally settle down with the man of her dreams?
6pm
(repeat)
Terry Pratchett's Guards! Guards!
Episode 4Vimes tries to warn people that the dragon is back. The Librarian, meanwhile, travels back in time.
6:05pm
(repeat)
The Good Life
Series 2, Episode 2 - The Guru Of SurbitonTwo students spend a week at the Good household, helping Tom and Barbara with the chores and observing their way of life. Guy and Ruth soon decide to establish a self-sufficiency commune, of which Tom will be patriarch. He is less keen, but they're insistent. At least at first...
6:30pm
(repeat)
Dad's Army
Series 6, Episode 7 - The RecruitWhile Captain Mainwaring is in hospital, the Vicar and the Verger decide to join the Home Guard. Mainwaring is not pleased about it, but there is nothing he can do, so he sends them out to patrol with Jones's men.
6:30pm30 min
Jeremy Hardy Speaks To The Nation
Series 9, Episode 2 - How to be a Woman in the 21st CenturyJeremy delves into the murky world of 'womanlitude'.
6:40pm
(repeat)
'Allo 'Allo!
Series 3, Episode 2 - Gruber Does Some MincingWhen Flick's copy of the Fallen Madonna crumbles to iced particles, Gruber convinces him that it was only a forgery, and that the original can be copied again. Meanwhile, Monsieur Alfonse is keen to regain his life-savings, and the resistance steal a lawnmower engine...
6:40pm
(repeat)
Shaun The Sheep
Stop-motion animated children's sitcom by Aardman Animations for CBBC. Wildly popular with not just kids, but adults too.
7pm360 min
Comic Relief's Big Chat With Graham Norton
Graham Norton presents a special six hour long chat show live on BBC Three to raise funds for Comic Relief. Featuring big name guest stars.
7pm
(repeat)
It Sticks Out Half A Mile
Episode 6 - The Friends Of Frambourne PierVoluntary work is required if the pier is to open up again, so Pike and Hodges canvas Frambourne's populace.
7:20pm
(repeat)
Last Of The Summer Wine
Series 8, Episode 1 - The Mysterious Feet Of Nora BattyWith the notable exception of Compo, Nora Batty is not used to anyone looking at her. So when her husband Wally takes an unnatural interest in those parts of her body she stands on, she is understandably unnerved. It is, of course, all part of Compo, Clegg and Foggy's attempts to settle a question of size once and for always.
7:30pm
(repeat)
'Allo 'Allo!
Series 3, Episode 3 - The Sausage In The WardrobeMaria is - along with the Fallen Madonna - being held in his room at the chateau by General Von Klinkerhoffen. Hidden inside a sausage, the General hangs the painting up to cure - but their unromantic trist is about to be interrupted!
7:30pm
(repeat)
Take It From Here
The Glums grapple with a crossword and a cautionary tale from Monte Carlo.
8pm60 min version (repeat)
8:20pm
(repeat)
Porridge
Series 1, Episode 3 - A Night InGodber moves into the bottom bunk in Fletcher's cell. Unable to sleep, the two spend the night discussing their hopes, fears, and the lives they left outside.
9pm30 min
The Spa
Episode 5 - Wedding BellesBoth wedding and alarm bells sound as manageress Alison gets her registrar licence.
9pm
(repeat)
Outnumbered
Series 1, Episode 3Stuck on the A3, Sue tries to keep the peace in a car that contains a new-age auntie, a bewildered grandfather, three fractious kids and several full bladders.
9pm
(repeat)
A Young Doctor's Notebook
Series 1, Episode 4Doomed doctor Daniel Radcliffe spirals into dark hallucinations as his older self tries to stop him destroying his life.
9:30pm
(repeat)
Mount Pleasant
Series 1, Episode 5Lisa catches Pauline enjoying a spot of shoplifting and decides to confront her. Elsewhere, Greg thinks he's found a solution to his financial woes in loan shark Emma.
9:30pm30 min
Welcome To Our Village, Please Invade Carefully
Series 1, Episode 1 - Taking OversUljabaan distracts the village with a cricket match, aliens versus humans, giving Katrina an opportunity to sabotage his computer - if she can keep the match going long enough.
9:40pm
(repeat)
Outnumbered
Series 1, Episode 4Ben's fibbing goes to a whole new level as parents at a school football match begin to compliment dad on his friendship with Gordon Brown and his SAS training.
10pm
(repeat)
Charlie Brooker's Weekly Wipe
Series 1, Highlights SpecialIt's the final episode in the series, so if you've enjoyed the mix of jokes and reviews provided by Charlie Brooker and his guests, then why not watch the very best bits again in the compilation show. You lucky people.
10pm30 min
Charlie Brooker's Weekly Wipe
Series 1, Highlights SpecialIt's the final episode in the series, so if you've enjoyed the mix of jokes and reviews provided by Charlie Brooker and his guests, then why not watch the very best bits again in the compilation show. You lucky people.
10pm55 min version (repeat)
Have I Got News For You
Series 40, Episode 9Miranda Hart hosts the satirical panel featuring guest panellists Greg Davies and Marcus Brigstocke.
10pm
(repeat)
Jeremy Hardy Speaks To The Nation
Series 9, Episode 1 - How to Exercise PowerJeremy Hardy presents his ninth series of comic lectures, starting off by looking at the subject of power.
10pm50 min
Celebrity Juice
Series 9, Episode 2Joining the panel this week are Coronation Street legend William Roache, Britain's Got Talent winners Ashleigh and Pudsey and comedian Chris Ramsey.
10:20pm
(repeat)
Absolutely Fabulous
Series 2, Episode 5 - PoorEdina's ex-husbands have cut off her alimony payments. Saffron and Edina's accountant taker the opportunity to convince her to cut back on the excesses of her lavish lifestyle, and hide the fact that she is independently wealthy.
10:30pm30 min
10:45pm
(repeat)
The Jonathan Ross Show
Series 4, Episode 9 - Jack Whitehall, Olga Kurylenko, Carol Vorderman, Bruno MarsJonathan's guests tonight include comedian Jack Whitehall, actress Olga Kurylenko, presenter Carol Vorderman and singer Bruno Mars, who also performs live in the studio.
10:50pm
(repeat)
Fake Reaction
Series 1, Episode 1The guests on the first episode are Fazer, TOWIE's Gemma Collins, comedian Chris Martin and actress Jennifer Metcalfe.
10:55pm
(repeat)
Mock The Week
Series 10, Episode 1Mock The Week returns for another series. Dara, Hugh and Andy are joined by guests Milton Jones, Chris Addison, Seann Walsh and Greg Davies.
11pm
(repeat)
Getting On
Series 2, Episode 1There's more grim humour among the bedpans as a new shift unfolds on B4. Kim has an unknown female admission to occupy her, Den has Hilary to cope with, and Pippa has a ward round. Mrs Fyvie, a new patient, is admitted but it's her daughter, Beedy, who requires more attention than her mother.
11pm30 min
Bridget Christie Minds The Gap
Series 1, Episode 1Bridget asks why feminism became a dirty word and whether the modern British woman needs it. Comedian and broadcaster Fred MacAulay helps her remember some of the key incidents which brought her to an epiphany and a call to arms.
11pm
(repeat)
The Secret World
Series 1, Episode 2Ray Winstone, Bob Hoskins and Ross Kemp get stuck in a duvet; Len Goodman and Bruce Forsyth reveal themselves to be gangsters; John Humphrys becomes obsessed with bananas; and poor old Jools Holland this week meets bad luck in a taxi.
11pm
(repeat)
A League Of Their Own
Series 3, Highlights Special - The Best Of A League Of Their Own 3 Volume OneHighlights from the sport panel show's third and best season yet.
11:30pm
(repeat)
Marshal's Law
Episode 5 - A Brand New DawnCSO Lesland Marshal launches his 'Hugs Not Drugs' initiative on Nuttleworth's most notorious estate, and Dawn dates her stalker, Raymondo.
11:30pm
(repeat)
Weak At The Top
Series 2, Episode 4 - OttersJohn Weak turns Smokehouse as green as the Jolly Green Giant, while saving Sir Marcus from an eco-Nazi who insists on paper underwear.
11:35pm
(repeat)
Lemon La Vida Loca
Series 1, Episode 2Keith hosts a dinner party so he can introduce his girlfriend to some of his celebrity mates.
11:40pm
(repeat)
Shooting Stars
Series 7, Episode 4EastEnders favourite Cheryl Fergison, who plays Heather; One Show regular Dominic Littlewood; chef Jean Christophe Novelli; and Skins actor Luke Pasqualino take part in the surreal panel game.
Midnight
(repeat)
Terry Pratchett's Guards! Guards!
Episode 4Vimes tries to warn people that the dragon is back. The Librarian, meanwhile, travels back in time.
Midnight
(repeat)
Little Crackers
Little Crackers 2010, Episode 7 - Jo Brand's Little CrackerIt's all about teenage turmoil and a moggy mystery in an autobiographical short written by and starring Jo Brand.
12:15am
(repeat)
Little Crackers
Little Crackers 2010, Episode 12 - Meera Syal's Little CrackerUncle Satnam steps out from Santa's shadow in an autobiographical short written by and starring Meera Syal. Filmed in 3D.
12:20am
(repeat)
Porridge
Series 1, Episode 3 - A Night InGodber moves into the bottom bunk in Fletcher's cell. Unable to sleep, the two spend the night discussing their hopes, fears, and the lives they left outside.
12:30am60 min version (repeat)
12:35am
(repeat)
Live At The Apollo
Jack Dee Live At The Apollo Series 2, Episode 6 - Julian ClaryJoining Jack Dee on stage is Julian Clary, who whips the audience into a frenzy with a set where no one is safe from his wit. Jack delivers a set lambasting cold calling for gas, phone and electricity, and he also lays into chemists, mobile phones and even vacuum cleaners.
12:50am
(repeat)
Alan Carr: Chatty Man
Series 10, Episode 1 - Robbie Williams, Sue Perkins, Jaime Winstone, Jack Dee, Dara O Briain, Melanie CAlan Carr welcomes pop star royalty Robbie Williams who also performs his new single, Be a Boy. Also on the sofa Sue Perkins and Jaime Winstone. And, fresh from their Comic Relief Zambezi River Challenge, Alan is joined by Jack Dee, Dara O Briain and Melanie C.
1am
(repeat)
Commercial Breakdown
Enduringly popular series in which comedians present humorous television advertisements from around the world.
1am
(repeat)
Outnumbered
Series 1, Episode 3Stuck on the A3, Sue tries to keep the peace in a car that contains a new-age auntie, a bewildered grandfather, three fractious kids and several full bladders.
1:30am
(repeat)
Commercial Breakdown
Enduringly popular series in which comedians present humorous television advertisements from around the world.
1:30am
(repeat)
Outnumbered
Series 1, Episode 4Ben's fibbing goes to a whole new level as parents at a school football match begin to compliment dad on his friendship with Gordon Brown and his SAS training.
1:30am
(repeat)
Peep Show
Series 5, Episode 5 - Jeremy's ManagerJeremy and Super Hans get a band manager and play a Christian rock festival. Mark comes along as their roadie, and learns how to have sex properly for the first time in his life.
1:30am
(repeat)
Bluestone 42
Series 1, Episode 1The Bluestone 42 team are called out on routine ops with their CIA liaison officer Carter, where things take a drastic turn. Back at base, Nick takes an instant shine to the new padre. How will she react?
2am
(repeat)
Absolutely Fabulous
Series 2, Episode 5 - PoorEdina's ex-husbands have cut off her alimony payments. Saffron and Edina's accountant taker the opportunity to convince her to cut back on the excesses of her lavish lifestyle, and hide the fact that she is independently wealthy.
2am
(repeat)
The Mausoleum Club
The Fall Of The Mausoleum Club, Episode 5 - The T MachineTime is running out for the oddest club in London. The Stranger has given the ineffectual Mr Tilly the task of destroying Dr Julius Venn, an evil scientist.
2:05am
(repeat)
Peep Show
Series 5, Episode 6 - Mark's WomenMark gets into online gaming and live role play with Dobby and wonders whether she may be 'the one'. Meanwhile Mark and Sophie finally sort out their annulment. Jeremy joins a cult.
2:25am
(repeat)
The Ricky Gervais Show
Series 2, Episode 6Karl tells the story of having kidney stones, ponders a phenomenon - and more.
2:30am
(repeat)
Two Pints Of Lager And A Packet Of Crisps
Series 2, Episode 4 - VomitJonny is ill and thinks he's dying. Janet reckons he's just trying to get out of a job interview.
2:30am
(repeat)
Getting On
Series 2, Episode 1There's more grim humour among the bedpans as a new shift unfolds on B4. Kim has an unknown female admission to occupy her, Den has Hilary to cope with, and Pippa has a ward round. Mrs Fyvie, a new patient, is admitted but it's her daughter, Beedy, who requires more attention than her mother.
2:30am
(repeat)
Jest A Minute
Series 2, Episode 5Greg Davies, Eggsy, Lloyd Langford and Chris Corcoran join Rhod Gilbert for the comedy quiz from Cardiff.
2:35am
(repeat)
Carpool
Episode 1 - Jason Manford & Rufus HoundJason Manford and Argumental's Rufus Hound climb into the passenger seat of Robert Llewellyn's car for a grilling.
3am
(repeat)
Common Ground
Episode 9 - Nell, Ted & MarlonThe story of the Ginger twins Nell (Eri Jackson) and Ted (Danny Morgan) and the man who dares to come between them - Marlon (Daniel Lawrence Taylor).
3:15am
(repeat)
Common Ground
Episode 10 - BarryBarry (Alex Lowe) is an 82 year old man whose wife has just left him. After digging up an old tin in the garden, Barry finds his 'Bucket List' of dreams and decides to give it another go.
3:30am
(repeat)
Adam Buxton's BUG
Episode 4Comedian Adam Buxton presents more madcap music videos unearthed from the internet along with the comments they've provoked from opinionated online communities.
3:30am
(repeat)
Marshal's Law
Episode 5 - A Brand New DawnCSO Lesland Marshal launches his 'Hugs Not Drugs' initiative on Nuttleworth's most notorious estate, and Dawn dates her stalker, Raymondo.
4:30am
(repeat)
A Young Doctor's Notebook
Series 1, Episode 4Doomed doctor Daniel Radcliffe spirals into dark hallucinations as his older self tries to stop him destroying his life.
5am
(repeat)
King Street Junior
Series 7, Episode 8 - Endings and BeginningsMr. Holliday retires, Miss Lewis becomes the new Deputy Head, and Mr. Sims returns, but he is worried about a boy he befriended at hospital who is suffering from cancer.
5:30am
(repeat)
Up The Garden Path
Episode 3.6, A Dick in Shining Armour: Will pregnant Izzy be able to finally settle down with the man of her dreams?