Dave Podmore

Pod, England's laziest cricketer, is invited by his faithful sidekick Andy Hamer to compile his own 'History Of The Ashes In 100 Objects' for Andy's radio show.

Pod agrees to present Andy's 'History Of The Ashes In 100 Objects' on the condition he gets to visit Oz to try and win his attractive wife Jacqui back from the hairy arms of an Aussie cricketer. On the flight down under, Pod shows Andy the historically significant 69 tins of Fosters with which he's just set the all-time England-to-Australia-beer-drinking record.

Pod and Andy then accidentally create a diplomatic incident by letting slip that both Heartbeat and The Bill have been cancelled in the UK, devastating Australian TV schedules for decades.

Pod persuades Jacqui to take him back, as the winnings on the bet he's just placed on her doing so will more than make up for his shortcomings as a lover, a man and a human being.

Andy reluctantly returns to England having failed almost completely in the task of collecting 100 objects but with a £50 note as his cut of Pod's gambling winnings.