Clare In The Community

Clare doesn't like people on her patch especially if they're an interfering Vicar.

Today is the big clear out in Clare and Brian's home. Brian has been using the loft (which he claims is the spare room) to store his 'man stuff'. Clare knows that it is nothing more than a depository for all of his rubbish. Clare decides on a vote on what to do. Clare calls for a clear out and Brian doesn't, so Nali is given the casting vote. She agrees with Clare to clear out the attic and then thanks her for having earlier given her Friday off.

At work, Libby is still angry as Germaine doesn't want their relationship to end and won't leave her alone. Helen has begun speed dating and Megan is thinking of converting herself and Brenda to Islam. Clare in the meantime has picked up a habit of frequently saying 'can I see you in my office?' Megan wants to see Clare in her office. Mr Murgatroyd has had an accident. Clare knows this is one of Megan's clients and thinks up quick solutions. Mr Murgatroyd is actually Brenda's dead hamster and Megan wants Clare to read the eulogy at the funeral. The hamster died suffocating after Brenda rolled it under the sofa. And at some other point in time its legs fell off.

Traipsing through all of Brian's old boxes of memories he finds his collection of vintage QPR programmes. He remembers when they lost to Wolves, lost to Palace, lost to Leeds, lost to Chelsea and lost to Spurs and that it is impossible to forget those memories. Nali digs down to find some other magazines in the box, causing Brian to quickly suggest throwing the whole box away after all.

Helen has gone to one of her speed dating sessions. As soon as the first man sits down, he barely has time to say 'Hello. My name is...' before Helen tells him he has pulled. She says she has a cupboard full of condoms and he had better be quick because she wants to be back in time for the 10:30 session.

Clare has gone a home visit with Megan to see one of Megan's clients, an old man called Mr Driscoll. He invites them in for a cup of tea, when Clare and Megan realise he has company; the Reverend Dish has popped round to visit. Mr Driscoll invites them for tea again as they didn't answer the first time. Clare believes the Reverend is disturbing their social call and asks him to leave. Mr Driscoll asks again if anyone would like tea. Clare openly says that she hates Christians, calling them all a 'bunch of self righteous do-gooders!'. Mr Driscoll is angry saying that he hasn't long to live so everyone had better answer him quickly about the tea.

Brian continues to search through his old belongings and finds the programme for Joseph, his first theatre production. He reads out the cast list nostalgically and sees the name Richard Lumsden, saying 'I wonder what happened to him.' Nali apologises to Brian for throwing away a jar. It read "pickled gherkins" but it contained his removed appendix. Nali didn't realise, but on the plus side, she said it tasted good.

Helen is asleep at her desk again. She admits that her week is getting too much. Monday: Speed dating; Tuesday: Speed dating; Wednesday: Speed dating; Thursday: Badminton; Friday: Speed dating. She will have to give up on the badminton. The Reverend arrives at the family centre to give some books to Megan but Helen knows that it was a cheap way of getting to see more of Megan.

Still searching through boxes, Nali finds a selection of young girls dresses and neatly embroidered clothes. Brian says that he had a sister who died at a very young age but Nali can immediately see through his lie. Brian admits that, for the first five years of his life, his mother dressed him up as a girl as she desperately wanted a daughter. Nali also finds his dolly but Brian whispers to it, promising it that he will not throw it away.

The social work team are now at the pub on a break discussing the Reverend Dish and religion. Megan thinks she has a crush on him, causing Ray to point out that, if the Reverend wants to go out with Megan, attraction can't always about appearances. Ray admits that he once went out with a Reverend and spent the whole time on his knees. Clare makes a shameful joke calling him the Reverend Pish but no one seems to be listening. Helen has also stopped the speed dating and the badminton and has compromised on sleeping with her badminton partner.

The Reverend comes to the pub, not knowing the social team are there (apparently). Clare clearly doesn't want him there so he leaves but Megan is persuaded by Helen, Ray and Libby to go after him. Megan does so.

Finally going through the last of the boxes, Brian announces that he is 40 today. Nali thinks he looks older. Clare arrives back and asks how it is going to be disposed. Nali says it is all to be recycled and Clare is extremely pleased. Brian thought it was going to be a bonfire. Nali says it is. It will be recycled as a thick black smoke into the atmosphere.

Clare arrives at Megan's house for the funeral the next day. Upon walking in, Brenda has pushed Ray downstairs and knocked him unconscious. Everyone goes through to the garden where the ceremony is to be held but there is nothing but mounds in the ground - all of the graves of previous pets.

Clare had stayed up all night writing an eulogy - spending hours trying to find something that rhymed with hamster, but Megan instead asks the Reverend to say something.

The time has come to burn all of Brian's past life. Just before he gets out the match he remembers his prize winning essay from when he was 12 years old entitled "What the Future Holds for Me." Nali asks him not to read it as he will just be disappointed. He gets the match and sets it all alight. Nali then screams shouting that Thomas is in the pile of burning memories. Brian screams and runs in to save him. Nali was joking but it is too late to apologise.

During the funeral, the Reverend recognises Helen from the speed dating. He admits looking in her bag to see where she worked and tracking her down to the family centre. Clare is then interrupted by a phone call from Nali. Clare refuses to answer her request until she stops being sexist. It is now 'fire-fighters' and not 'firemen'. She seems to completely ignore the message: "Brian is on fire".

At the latest team meeting, Megan realises that the Reverend was only interested in sluttish woman. Helen is offended by this but Ray is completely traumatised. He woke up from being unconscious only to discover that Brenda had stuffed the rotting corpse of the dead hamster into his mouth while he was out cold and taped it shut. And as for Brian's ordeal, he has been hit by blowback. His face is scorched, his eyebrows gone and his hair burnt. Clare likes the look.