BCG Pro Gag-a-Week competition

This is our weekly joke contest. BCG Pro subscribers are encouraged to submit a gag on a specified topic for a chance to win cash. The BCG Pro editors will pick their favourite from all submissions, with the winner receiving £10 cash and their joke shared with credit on British Comedy Guide's social media accounts and Monday email newsletter, reaching more than 150,000 comedy fans.

The judging is carried out 'blind', so there's no limit to the number of times you can win - but you can only enter ONE joke per week!

This week's topic...

Panto

Can you think of a good one-liner? If so, enter your gag below!

Deadline to submit: Sunday 22nd December, 23:59

Last 20 winners

Smoking

My dad went absolutely mental when he caught me smoking. To teach me a lesson, he made me eat the whole salmon.
Graham Bretman

Christmas parties

For last year's office Christmas party our manager decided to lay on a buffet. The vol-au-vents were ruined.
Graham Bretman

Writing

Don't knock people using ghost writers for their novels. It must take them ages copying the letters off the Ouija board.
Lee Warne

Feet

I did a poo that was 12 inches long, it was a foot stool.
Crispin Fisher

Wrestling

For his next fight, Jake Paul is in talks with The Undertaker - not to wrestle, just to help dig up his opponent.
Stuart Cooke

Espionage

On my first espionage job, I was asked to cover myself in meat and mashed potato and stake out a field of sheep. I was a shepherd spy.
Alice Hancock

Keir Starmer

My Keir Starmer jokes are all so old and weak he's cut off their winter fuel allowance.
Barry Dunstall

Darts

Darts was invented after the mess caused by pub javelin.
Mike Wooles

Movies

I can't stand those rude people who talk at the cinema. It completely spoils my recording.
Alex Buchanan

The sea

I used to be a manager at Boots and they called me The Vitamin Pirate. I always wanted to Sale the Seven Seas
Daniel Powell

Housing

Decided to put a down payment on a house and now I can't move for feathers.
Amanda Webster

Bath time

I was really looking forward to making love in the bath until my wife pulled the plug.
Crispin Fisher

Single life

You know you're getting desperate when you're trying to swipe right on LinkedIn.
Alan O'Brien

Dogs

I queued for hours to see a dog behind bars. It was a Shih Tzu.
Marc Pinto

The internet

Not a fan of these new AI powered search results. I googled 'how do I make lasagna' and the first response was 'badly'.
Alex Buchanan

The motorway

I was on my way to a Just Stop Oil event and the news said to avoid congested roads nearby, so I stuck to the motorway.
Daniel Powell

Coffee

This new dating app has set me up with a Colombian, a Costa Rican and a Kenyan. It's called Coffee Grindr
Alice Hancock

America

Wish my American gran wasn't so negative. She keeps saying she's ready for the fall.
Marc Pinto

Shampoo

My legs are so hairy I use a shower gel called Knees and Toes.
Mat Smith

Experiments

I thought I'd try it doggy-style for a change until my partner complained the lawn was turning yellow.
Amanda Webster

Rules

This competition is open for entries until further notice. You must have a valid BCG Pro subscription to enter.

You may submit one joke in each entry window. Entry windows normally last a week each, running from Monday through to Sunday.

British Comedy Guide reserves the right to alter the terms of this contest and/or the duration of any entry window at its discretion.

All entries must be the original work of the entrant, and must not infringe the rights of any other party.

At the closure of each entry window British Comedy Guide's editorial team will select their favourite joke as that window's winner. If deemed suitable for a general audience, the joke will be shared via British Comedy Guide's Facebook, Instagram and Twitter accounts, and in the website's Weekly Newsletter (normally sent on a Monday). The winning entrant will be credited by name and, if submitted with a Twitter handle, by that on the Tweet.

Jokes may be ommitted from Twitter if their length and a necessary explanation exceeds the platform's character limit.

The winner will receive £10 in cash. This can be paid via BACS or PayPal.