Richard Herring

Would you prefer to have eyes that were literally mince pies (and thus be blind) or feet made of Quality Street (but only the horrible green ones)?

Does Santa's sleigh come fitted with a toilet? Or does he just wee in his pants or down people's chimneys?

How do you think Jesus would react if you actually did sing Hosanna to Him? What if you did it every time you saw Him? And it was the only thing you ever uttered? Do you think He would get annoyed?

How would you react if someone gave you Myrrh for Christmas? What if it wasn't even in a bottle - they just poured it into your cupped hands?

Have you ever sat in awkward silence with the chumps that you are forced to share Christmas with? That need never happen again. Because here's a book of Emergency Questions designed to get the conversation flowing with your friends, your family and that weird bloke your dad knows who always comes round on Boxing Day with his awkward, silent children.

Loads of them are seasonally appropriate, but a book of Emergency Questions is for life, not just for Christmas, so there's a load more that you can use at any other time and they're all different from the ones in the original and best-selling Emergency Questions book ("unless I have accidentally repeated one, I am quite old now").

Emergency Questions will get you talking, laughing, thinking, crying and possibly fighting. So they're just like Christmas in a book. Grab some eggnog and crack open your nuts. This is the one Christmas cracker that isn't just full of useless crap (though there's quite a lot of useless crap in there to be honest).

First published: Monday 27th November 2017