What's so hard about pulling a sword out of a stone? The real work's already been done. You ought to make yourself useful and find the man who put the sword in the stone in the first place.
The City Watch needs men! But what it's got includes Corporal Carrot...
'Sorry?' said Carrot. If it's just a thing, how can it commit murder? A sword is a thing' - he drew his own sword; it made an almost silken sound - 'and of course you can't blame a sword if someone thrust it at you, sir.'
For Commander Vimes, Head...
'Don't put your trust in revolutions. They always come round again. That's why they're called revolutions. People die, and nothing changes.'
For a policeman, there can be few things worse than a serial killer loose in your city. Except, perhaps, a serial killer who targets coppers, and a city on...
'Neighbours...hah. People'd live for ages side by side, nodding at one another amicably on their way to work, and then some trivial thing would happen and someone would be having a garden fork removed from their ear.'
When the neighbours in question are the proud empires of Klatch and Ankh-Morpork,...
'Beating people up in little rooms... he knew where that led. And if you did it for a good reason, you'd do it for a bad one. You couldn't say 'we're the good guys' and do bad-guy things.'
Koom Valley, the ancient battle where the trolls ambushed the dwarfs, or...
Holy Wood is a different sort of place. People act differently here. Everywhere else the most important things are gods or money or cattle. Here, the most important thing is to be important.
Cameras roll, for the first time, on the Discworld when alchemists discover the excitement of the silver...
Written by Friday Night Dinner creator Popper in the mid 2000s, the Timewaster Letters books were massive bestsellers, and featured the hilarious letters of 'Robin Cooper', in which he shared his madcap ideas, inventions and musings with everyone from the British Halibut Association to the Peanut Council. The letters -...
Peter Serafinowicz presents a collection of gags. Jokes include: 'I like to put my Shredded Wheat through my own shredder, just to be on the safe side.'
'Dear Sir/Madam, Your transgender operation was a partial success.'
'Float like an octopus, sting like a clock' - Muhammad Dali
'Jeremy Clarkson is...