Peter Sallis

When I was a child, wintry Sunday evenings meant watching Last of the Summer Wine while eating my supper, snuggled up to the radiator. It wasn't so much the thrill-a-minute antics that held me in thrall as the gentle rhythms of Peter Sallis's voice, later employed to such wonderful effect by Aardman. "More cheese, Gromit?" Certainly, but if you don't mind, I'll stick to the Stinking Bishop rather than the terrible stench wafting over from Big Top.

One can only imagine that the BBC commissioners are hoping to recreate the feeling of warmth engendered by Cleggy, Compo and Foggy with this throwback of a comedy, and the cheese gauge is certainly set on full fat - but the gags are never more than inanely mild.

To judge by her hotpants and hunting jacket, Amanda Holden must be the ringmistress of a circus whose acts we never see but which sounds, from behind the scenes, where the action takes place, frankly, rubbish, despite an all-star cast. The Thompson twins, Sophie (of EastEnders, and, erm, sister of Emma fame) and John (Cold Feet and Coronation Street, though admittedly a Thomson without the "p") are married circus clowns - Helen and Geoff - who, we are constantly told by Erasmus (Tony Robinson, in an odd-job role I could never quite put my finger on), would bring more joy to the assembled crowds by leaving the ring rather than finishing their act. Ruth "Hi-De-Hi!" Madoc finally drains any goodwill her campers might still hold for her as a demanding grande dame who can't keep her dancing dogs on a leash; and Bruce Mackinnon harks back to the benign world of Alf Garnett as the idiotic acrobat Boyco, from Eastern Europe. (Thank you for the geographic tip, BBC press release.) Bruce who? Oh, come now, Bruce Mackinnon... you know, that one from The Office and The Catherine Tate Show. Still no? Me neither.

Sorry, did I say benign world? I meant disturbingly racist world. Eastern European, is he? He'll probably have a funny accent. Oh, he does. And he's casually homophobic in a nonsensical way? ("That homosexual pop group ... Coldplay.") Of course he is. But that's OK. Because he's Eastern European. Any particular country? Apparently not. But then, as stupid and offensive as Boyco's character is, it's no worse than the rest of this trite bunch. Did you not know that everyone who works in a circus is dim?

One could dwell on the curiosity of Holden's Botoxed face not allowing her a full range of gurning (or, indeed, any expression at all); on a paucity of imagination (one of Madoc's dogs is called Fido. Fido, for goodness' sake); on the offensive and pathetic punchlines (Geoff: "When we come in, you're supposed to play Looney Tunes, not ..." Erasmus: "... Hitler's speech to the 1935 Nuremberg Rally." Do we really need the date as detail - in case we thought it was a different rally? Is that speech even comedy fodder?); on the repeated attempts to get a laugh from a story straight out of a Victorian music hall about sticking ferrets down trousers ("Looks like they had a ball." Ho ho!). But to go on like that would be cruel.

Argument 'threatened Summer Wine'

Last Of The Summer Wine actor Peter Sallis has revealed how a political argument nearly derailed the comedy series before it started.

Speaking to Radio 4's Desert Island Discs, Sallis said his co-stars Michael Bates and Bill Owen fell out over their political affiliations when they met.

Funny, fantastically inventive, warm and just wonderful, this W&G adventure was the most watched TV programme last Christmas. It's packed with multiple layers of jokes and plenty of fine visual gags, including delightful homages to movies - from The Matrix to Ghost - and it loses none of its charm with a repeat viewing. The ever resourceful pair are now earning their living as bakers, and once more Wallace's (Peter Sallis) soft heart gets him into trouble when he falls for Bake-o-Lite girl Piella Bakewell (voiced by Sally Lindsay). But she's trouble, and it's up to Gromit - whose gloriously expressive eyebrows say everything - to save the day.

I was disappointed with Wallace & Gromit. Great animation, some fun moments, imaginative action scenes, a few good in-jokes (especially Ghost and Aliens), but it all felt too insular, predictable and repetitive to me. Wallace gets another love-interest, there's another killer on the loose (human this time), Wallace just gets dopier and needs rescuing again. The only notable change was having the obligatory dog turn out not to be the villain's accomplice. After the Curse Of The Were-Rabbit feature-length movie, Loaf & Death felt like a step backwards for Nick Park. Why not create some new characters, instead of sticking to the safe bet of W&G? Oh well, 15 million people watched, which will hopefully bankroll a BBC-funded movie before Peter Sallis snuffs it.