Michael Douglas

Graham Norton may have been made more family-friendly of late, but the dildo-brandisher of the past still capers somewhere at the back of his consciousness; his chat show remains peppered with arch humour, and sycophancy is earned by guests rather than doled out to all, as with Jonathan Ross. Tonight's instalment is a best-bits clip show, in case you missed his sparring with Hollywood heavyweights Tom Cruise, Michael Douglas, Amy Adams and Will Smith, plus UK talent such as Olivia Colman and Benedict Cumberbatch.

Graham's sofa is groaning with an abundance of stellar talent tonight. Michael Douglas will be twinkling with enthusiasm after picking up the best reviews of his career for his turn as as Liberace in biopic Behind The Candelabra and father-and-son co-stars Will and Jaden Smith plug new film After Earth. Guests also include Bradley Cooper and Heather Graham who continue the full-frontal promo assault of The Hangover Part III - you can catch more of the film's cast getting acquainted with Alan Carr over on C4 at 10pm.

The best guests sit on Norton's sofa and tonight's line-up is all Hollywood glitter. Big, smiley Bradley Cooper is a Norton regular who's always great fun - who can forget him flirting outrageously with Jo Brand? He's with Heather Graham to promote another of his Hangover films.

Will Smith did the unimaginable and eclipsed Sir Tom Jones last time he appeared when he did the Fresh Prince of Bel-Air rap with Gary Barlow. Tonight he's with son Jaden (the pair star together in After Earth), while Michael Douglas will be talking about his latest role as Liberace.

Charlie Brooker has been kind to me in print, so I must be careful not to be too kind about him, lest people suspect that I am dishing out a quid pro quo. On the downside, his weekly show behind a desk (Charlie Brooker's Weekly Wipe, BBC Two) sometimes makes it look as though he wants to eat the desk in his anger at the world.

But his larger dramatic creations reveal a Swiftian intelligence that is quite unusual when translated into an updated, high tech, electronic (squrrk!) field. There is quite a lot of squrrk! in Black Mirror. He wants you to know that your attention is being zapped into lightning trips from one field of reality to another.

The main reality in the latest show seemed to be that a helpless young woman was on the run from dozens of zombie-type vigilantes: shades of A Clockwork Orange, Assault on Precinct 13, etc.

But (squrrk!) not so fast. Towards the end it turns out that she is really the victim of a deadly game. With her wiped brain - Brooker is fond of the idea of the human mind being annihilated by television - she is being made to experience the suffering she caused when she tortured a child. But did she? Are the organizers of the game (see, as Brooker undoubtedly has, The Game, with Michael Douglas) normal people like us, at last getting the chance to inflict a just punishment that the psycho criminal will actually feel? Or what?

Doubts remain as the soundtrack says squrrk! Brooker used to be a companion at arms for Chris Morris but it is starting to look as if he, Brooker, has a scope all his own, and more powerful for being less parodic. He doesn't just make fun of television, which even I can do. He can see the fractures in life itself, as Swift could. On top of that he has the great virtue of having seen everything and yet not being derivative. His desk-eating savagery is too heartfelt for that.

Absolutely Fabulous built the last of its three specials around Eddy and Patsy's wild excitement about the Olympics. It isn't the sport they're interested in, obviously, but the imminent arrival of Michael Douglas, who has rented Eddy's house and who they see as a passport to A-list Olympic parties. "I shall be wearing my buttocks as a head-dress by the time that man arrives," announced Eddy, who plans a major make-over.

Unfortunately, she's not been paying very close attention to the calendar and doesn't realise she's left it too late, a mistake she feels is forgivable: "It's been everywhere for five bloody years! Excuse me if I missed that it's actually bloody started. It's been like tinnitus." Dames Kelly Holmes and Tanni Grey-Thompson and Stella McCartney offered themselves up as straight-women for Patsy and Eddy's faux pas and there was a brief, slightly baffling visit to the Olympic Stadium, during which both women enjoyed an unconvincing reverie of athletic glory. And then, after quite a few raucous laughs, it just stopped, as if nobody had quite worked out where the finish tape was. But I did enjoy Eddy's protest as she was bundled out of the stadium by a security guard: "You're discouraging me from taking up sport!"

This is the third episode of the promised new Ab Fab trio, though whether it's really the final 'final' hurrah remains to be seen. Saffy is back from Africa - in full indigenous dress - while Eddy and Patsy are panicking before the arrival of Michael Douglas. He is supposedly renting out their home during the Olympics, but instead they find themselves entertaining Douglas's sex-addicted golf caddy and his overbearing wife. Saffy's attempts to get the pair excited about the Games fail dismally - until invitations to a party at the main arena come their way. Predictable jokes about the horror of losing both one's edge and skin tone dominate, and Bubble's bewilderingly unfunny character still grates but, as in almost every episode, there's one great visual gag. Here, it's Patsy lighting her fag with the Olympic torch.

The Olympics is almost here and Michael Douglas is coming to rent Edina's house for the duration. Stella McCartney may not be taking her calls but Edina's desperately hoping a film star consort will get her into some happening clubs. Patsy's stress incontinence threatens to ruin things and Bubble is dreaming about sporting glory. Good news: Saunders's writing is right back on form. Includes cameos from McCartney, Kelly Holmes and Tanni Grey-Thompson.