Justin Lee Collins

There's a distinctly likeable quality to comedian and presenter Justin Lee Collins which will serve him well on this new chat show of his.

Content-wise, it may not be breaking significant new ground - music and conversation are the mainstay - but Justin is hoping to create a late-night cabaret feel to the proceedings, befitting the opulence of its setting, London's iconic Rivoli Ballroom.

"I wanted the show to feel like a circus," he says, "so I'm kind of like the ringmaster!" We're promised games, surprises, audience participation (always makes me glad I'm watching at home, that) - and, if Justin has his way, maybe even an appearance from one of the ghosts rumoured to haunt the venue. I wouldn't hold your breath for that last one, personally.

Ghosts give JLC a fright

Ghostly events on Justin Lee Collins' new chat show have spooked the shaggy-haired star.

Justin Lee Collins: Mr Bouncy's castle

Good Times, the presenter's new chat show on Five, has as much fun with the audience as with the celebrity guests.

It's easier to define Alan Carr by what he isn't. He isn't quite Graham Norton, which means he's not hysterically shrill and often in Canary Wharf Waitrose. He isn't Justin Lee Collins, which means that he's not disliked on sight by 80 percent of the population. He isn't a great writer, but he has a warm persona which means that his stand-up is unthreatening and extremely popular. More importantly, he isn't egotistical so he's not a bad chat show host.

Chatty Man is over reliant on Norton-esque games (has anyone ever liked them? Ever?). It is at its best when Alan relaxes and natters with his guests, using the Kirsty Young method to unthreateningly coax some fairly good stuff out of them. All that is by the by, however as tonight's special guest is Ricky Gervais, who seems to be on a mission to become the most correctly despised person in Britain.

Alan Carr and Justin Lee Collins to go seperate ways

Alan Carr and Justin Lee Collins are to end their telly partnership. Their hit show The Sunday Night Project will end after three years as Alan wants out.

Undoubtedly the biggest disappointment of the past week was Alan Carr: Chatty Man. Following in the footsteps of his Sunday Night Project co-host Justin Lee Collins' move to solo chat show host, Alan Carr's Channel 4 offering failed to live up to the weeks of hype surrounding it. Although better than his co-hosts ITV2 show, Alan Carr fails to capitalise on his guests despite attracting big named stars. The biggest problem is the show looks dated and misplaced trying to appeal to many age groups whilst alienating fans of the late night show both comedians started on.

I am not one to take against a garrulous homosexual - they constitute the greater part of my social and cultural diet - but the opening episode of Alan Carr: Chatty Man was the nearest I've ever come to shouting: "Just shut up, you rambling poof!"

While there has been amazing progress over the past ten years in making this country less homophobic (Graham Norton getting Eurovision, bisexuals on Doctor Who), the dark reality is that that many people have merely swapped homophobia for "finding gays cute".

I attended an advance fan-screening of Torchwood last week, and every piece of dialogue between Captain Jack and his boyfriend was greeted with knowing, slightly hysterical laughter from the audience - as if everything that the characters were saying was high-camp, bitchy banter. In actuality, a great deal of it wasn't, and some of it was outright sombre - yet it was all drowned out by Pavlovian giggling at the "cute queer couple having a bitch-fight".

If we really are reducing gayness to camp, in terms of social progress, it's going to be as useful as supporting sexual equality - but only so long as all the women are giggly and have big tits.

As a camp man at a crucial moment in his career, then, Carr has some mighty socio-sexual-political currents to swim against. Alas, to the disappointment of any watching recruitment officers at Stonewall, Carr's new chat show consists of little more than an hour of pointing at things - Bruce Forsyth, pictures of people from Big Brother, his own set - and squealing. It makes Mr Humphries from Are You Being Served? look like Harvey Milk.

With an hour of airtime to fill, without Justin Lee Collins, Carr appears not to generate any actual material - he just relies on mannerisms. The third line of his opening monologue is on Britney Spears: "She sings like she's talking through the intercom at a drive-thru McDonalds." Unfortunately, the line also appeared in a Mirror interview with Carr, printed on the same day - a pretty damning index of his productivity. The conversational topics for his first guest, Bruce Forsyth, were: how big Bruce's chin is, how old Bruce is, whether Forsyth knows who will be on the next series of Strictly Come Dancing? (no), and how old Forsyth is again. Forsyth seemed exasperated by the end - like an old, greying horse being harassed by a tiny Jack Russell.

Most damningly of all, the audience laughed at everything Carr said - like a previously unknown experiment involving Pavlov giving his dog a biscuit every time Larry Grayson said, "Shut that door".

TV Review: The Justin Lee Collins Show

What kind of idiotic tagnut would give a green light to a programme like The Justin Lee Collins Show? To give me a show hosted entirely by a man who seems to have based his entire career on looking like Barkley from Sesame Street and mugging like Roland Rat is ludicrous enough. To then announce that the guests would be two people even more loathsome than the host... notably buttock-faced Stay Puft Marshmallow jock, Chris Moyles and squidgy faced talent void Eamonn Holmes is, quite frankly, taking a big steaming dump in the wound. It's beggars belief. It really is. Someone, somewhere, is making a living from such a wretched decision.

Justin gets friendly with Mel

Justin Lee Collins cosies up to Dancing On Ice beauty Melinda Messenger on his chat show tonight. With preview video.

If you liked The Sunday Night Project, but thought Alan Carr and those pesky guest hosts had a nasty tendency of eclipsing human-eclipse Justin Lee Collins, you're in luck. JLC is off the leash and hosting his own show, featuring celebrity interviews, zany competitions and a potentially cringeworthy spot of karaoke.