John Bishop (II)

You might have read that Jay-Z would be one of Graham's guests tonight, but he's dropped out and his spot has been taken by Jeremy Paxman, or Jay-P as we should maybe start calling him.

Trust me, you'll scarcely notice the difference. But could Jay-Z host tonight's very special round of University Challenge?

I think not.

Graham's other guests are Dame Judi Dench, comedian John Bishop and Sir Elton John, who will be performing his new single Voyeur as well chatting about his burst appendix, the joys of fatherhood and dancing with the Queen. A typical day in Elton-land.

While Jonathan Ross had to content himself interviewing stars of an ITV show last Saturday (the X Factor judges), Norton once again lures some global, glittery names on to his sofa.

His old mate, the indefatigable Sir Elton John, will perform Voyeur and be interviewed fresh from the triumphant release of his well-received 31st studio album, The Diving Board. He'll be joined by the mighty Dame Judi Dench, whose name is already being mentioned in the same breath as "Oscar nomination" for her role in the new film Philomena, as an Irish mother searching for the child she was forced to give up for adoption. Ever reliable John Bishop will be in the comedy corner.

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The last laugh: another club to close

Sarah Millican, Michael McIntyre and John Bishop have all played the Laugh Inn in the past three years - but it wasn't enough.

That's Jessie J under the swirl of shaving foam, and the reason she's posing like the queen of the Oompa Loompas is that she'll be shaving her hair off as part of tonight's culmination to Red Nose Day. Yes, it's time for the stunts and dares and unlikely comedy mash-ups to reach their bubbling live climax.

As ever, we can expect unmissable moments delivered by an almost obscenely starry line-up. Presenters include Michael McIntyre, Rob Brydon, John Bishop, Davina McCall, Jonathan Ross and (careful, now...) Russell Brand. Ricky Gervais will bring David Brent out of retirement. There are mini-eps of Call the Midwife and Fresh Meat, a cook-off between Jack Whitehall and Micky Flanagan, and of course a new novelty pop promo from Peter Kay.

The trick for viewers is to flash the cash early. Text the donation line or get out the credit card at an early stage, then relax as the night rolls by. You'll never make it through all those heartbreaking appeal films if you don't know your money's on its way.

John Bishop discovered lad stole his routine

TV comic John Bishop has told how a cheeky lad stole his routine for a charity gig - and he thought he was "pretty amusing".