John Bishop (I)

John Bishop: Being a comic is like being a lap dancer

John Bishop, who's appeared on Have I Got News For You and his own show John Bishop's Britain, talks about performing in huge arenas, the reason he took up comedy and the worst gig he's ever performed.

Glaswegian comedian Frankie Boyle's controversial interjections on Mock The Week turned that show into must-see TV for many, and his loss made the show immediately less infamous. There's certainly a place for Boyle's brand of "shock comedy" on network television, particularly in a landscape currently dominated by family-friendly comics like Michael McIntyre, Rhod Gilbert and John Bishop. Sadly, Frankie Boyle's Tramadol Nights is a horrendous mess, on the evidence of its first episode.

It uses a tried-and-trusted format: stand-up comedy interspersed with sketches. What's unfortunate is that (a) Boyle's stand-up routines are taken directly from his recent tour, meaning many fans will have heard the jokes before, and (b) the sketches were idiotic attempts at shocking people that dragged on past their natural end points. The first sketch, running with the idea that David Hasselhoff's character in Knight Rider was mentally ill, was perhaps the worst offender - a target 25 years out of date, a stupid idea you'd expect from a schoolboy, producing a sketch that seemed to last forever. Other sketches included candid camera spoof "Hide Me, I've Killed A Kid", an animated "George Michael's Highway Code" (topical?) and a bizarre parody of The Green Mile where the black character's supernatural power came from... raping people?

Tramadol Nights was objectionable in a way it wasn't aiming for; a show with zero intelligence behind it. I could scarcely believe Frankie Boyle's the bearded ringmaster of this tripe, as the prospect of a Channel 4 comedy from him was a delicious prospect up until last night. Too much of its sketches were pale excuses for Boyle to visually enact jokes that work better in the minds of an audience being told them verbally. At the very least, someone should have reminded Boyle that a sketch works best if it's less than two-minutes long, not twice that.

The sole positive: you don't need to buy Frankie Boyle's DVD as a stocking filler this Christmas, because it seems likely all of its material will be served up here each week.

Comedians always seem to open their shows by announcing they became a parent for the first, second or third time. Sean Lock was no different as he hosted the first in the new series of Live At The Apollo, declaring in the opening moments - much to the delight of the audience - that he'd 'just had another kid'.

He went on to expand on his family life, saying he often removes the child car seats and pretends he's single for a bit. It was a gag that appeared to raise a few more eyebrows than laughs in the wake of fellow comedian Jason Manford's recent indiscretions.

And the half-laughs continued to flow, as Lock didn't stray too far from the sorts of predictable topics comedians generally favour, touching upon bags for life, the Pope and disability. There was nothing new and really, nothing especially funny either.

The second half of the programme was given over to John Bishop, who began promisingly with a clever joke too blue to repeat, but he too descended into semi-funniness, with a self-deprecating run-through of his career so far.

And if his performance tonight was anything to go by, it's not hard to see why he has to be self-deprecating about his career. His routine was tame and badly paced, making his solid reputation seem unfounded.

So, it was an off-night all round at the Apollo. It's a shame for the series that it had to open with such a weak episode, but with the much darker Rich Hall taking to the stage next week, there's hope yet for a smarter, sharper show.

You know you're in good hands with the wry, lugubrious Sean Lock, who is on fine form hosting the first of a new series of stand-up showcases from London's Apollo. Sadly, he's not on long enough, and the second half of the show is given over to the ubiquitous John Bishop who will remain for me, forever, an acquired taste. But Lock is worth the price of admission, with a routine that's centred mainly on his family life, with occasional surrealist flourishes (his theory about why the Pope wears a small white cap on his head is an interesting one). There are gags about the state of his car, and his daughter's conviction that, at six years old, she has grown out of CBeebies.

The Apollo will always have a special significance for stand-up John Bishop. This gig last year ­catapulted him into the major league. Back in that ­spotlight for a new series, his routine is a confessional about that night and the nerves he suffered as he faced the biggest audience of his less-than glorious career.

A comedy routine about the job of comedy? Bishop's ­raconteurish style isn't to ­everybody's taste. He's not a gag machine like Jimmy Carr and his material is so personal you couldn't even describe it as observational either. He's more like that bloke in the pub who has a way of taking the ordinary events of an average day and shining them until they gleam.

Last year's act was all about how his new car had broken down - and he still looks like an ex-footballer who's got lost on his way to the Match Of The Day studio.

The host is Sean Lock who's also not above mining his family life for material. "My wife doesn't like me treating the kids like hecklers," he reveals.

The stand-up show has reached its sixth series and kicks off with some trusty names. Mock the Week regular Sean Lock is the host and dishes out gags about the perils of people wanting to try on your glasses and - that old topic that just about anyone can relate to - having children. He introduces Liverpudlian John Bishop, whose own comedy series was shown on BBC One in the summer. Over the following five episodes we can expect to see Dara O Briain, Lenny Henry, Jon Richardson and Shappi Khorsandi among those taking the stage.

John Bishop: Where did it all go right?

Brian Logan on the giddy rise of John Bishop, ex-pharmaceuticals salesman turned superstar standup comedian.

John Bishop outburst stuns fans

John Bishop stunned his audience last night when he lost his cool with a fan he thought had insulted his family.

Success in business is no laughing matter

A north-east comedy fan who started organising stand-up shows as a hobby has launched a business after bringing funny men John Bishop, Reginald D Hunter and Kevin Bridges to the region.

Michael McIntyre's perpetual effervescence fizzes in Blackpool, a town ripe with potential for gags about fags, chips and people with funny accents wearing fleeces. McIntyre also has some sport with members of the Blackpool football team, who are in the audience. The headline act is a hectoring John Bishop, whose coarse schtick about stag dos, hen nights and sex toys is an acquired taste. Much more interesting is Miles Jupp - who was so good in the BBC2 sitcom Rev - mining his background. "I'm privileged, not just to be here, but in general." Elsewhere, the unsettling Terry Alderton, with a strange, tangential but often winning act, has fun with body-popping cockneys, while Justin Moorhouse is rude about fat people.