Ian Hyland

Not much to say about E4's new 'if you can't be funny just be gross instead' sketch show Cardinal Burns. But the truth is, half an hour of Chinese burns from an angry gorilla would've been less painful.

Britain Unzipped, with Greg James and Russell Kane, had me wondering whether my wife had slipped an acid tab into my nightcap. Because if I wasn't hallucinating then we must conclude the bods at BBC3 are indeed in the process of remaking The Word and trying to pass it off as ground-breaking TV.

I wish I could fully explain Britain Unzipped's format, but all I can really tell you is that someone has used your licence fee to commission a survey with the sole intention of using the results to create an hour of student pranks and celebrity-based smut. And the continuity announcer's jolly pre-show boast of 'Prepare to be gobsmacked' could yet turn out be the TV understatement of the year.

Don't get me wrong. In free-thinking modern Britain there should be a place for TV delights such as Holly Willoughby inspecting a young man's bed sheet for stains, a young girl watching her mother parading around their kitchen naked and a guy being forced to eat a burger made of dog food.

But that place should always be late-night ITV2. Not 9pm on a public service channel whose agreed remit is 'to bring younger audiences to high-quality public service broadcasting through a mixed-genre schedule of innovative UK content featuring new UK talent'.

Now, if anyone at BBC3 can explain exactly where Holly Willoughby swearing like a fishwife and a studio audience being offered a prize of beer sits in that remit I'm all ears. If they cannot then I fear they might have to employ someone to conduct a nationwide poll containing just one simple question. "BBC3 - waste of your money or not?"

More hits than misses at Morgana Robinson and Terry Mynott's new C4 impressions show Very Important People.

Adele struggling to order a round of drinks and Danny Dyer's Britain's Hardest Commute were both brilliantly done. But the merciless dissection of Frankie Boyle's shock tactics was the highlight: 'Every night Frankie checks the news to see if a child has been murdered.'

Way to go, VIP. Keep it unfriendly.

To anyone fond of complaining there are no funny women on TV these days, I say only this: watch Rebecca Front taking hold of Simon Amstell's comedy vehicle Grandma's House and making it her own every Thursday night for the next five weeks on BBC2. Cracking stuff. No wonder Amstell's character wants to move out.

Good to see Keith Lemon's new Saturday evening show LemonAid is sponsored by Panadol Extra, because much as I enjoy Celebrity Juice Keith can be a bit loud and brash for 6pm.

He actually makes a decent fist of his role as a modern day Jimmy Savile though. I'm just surprised that in light of his natural hair colour he didn't call the show Ginge'll Fix It.

I hate to disappoint Ricky Gervais, but I can't see why anyone would be offended by his C4 comedy, Derek, about a guy with learning difficulties.

The only remotely 'iffy' thing I spotted was 'Chavs in pub' in the closing credits. Unless you can still call them that these days?

I guess you could mark Gervais down for not exactly breaking new ground. He came up with the idea for Derek over ten years ago and he is basically a Fifties Norman Wisdom character transported to a modern-day old folks' home.

Plus, the tone and subject matter was very close to the That Peter Kay Thing classic from 2000 about Britain's oldest paperboy, Leonard de Tomkinson.

Still, this pilot was bursting with enough promising characters, clever lines and gut-wrenching scenes to suggest a series won't be far off.

One thing though, Ricky. Maybe make Derek's voice a little less Fred West-like next time. It was a bit creepy.

The bald truth: Matt Lucas lacks shine

If you think that title shows a lack of imagination you'll no doubt be staggered to discover it is yet another panel show. It is also yet another attempt by the BBC to transfer a radio show to TV. And it just doesn't work.

If last night's TV Burp does turn out to be the final offering from Harry Hill and the gang it's a sad day for television. Because despite Harry relying too heavily on puppets and taking some worrying forays into self-indulgent slapstick in later years, this simple truth remains: we might never see a TV show as funny as this again. Certainly not on ITV.

I quite like Jack Whitehall. The posh thing no longer irritates and he was great in Fresh Meat. But the stand-up-meets-chat-show-meets-hidden-camera format of Hit The Road Jack is woefully thin. I know Channel 4's overgrown teens have finally accepted their Russell Brand crush will remain forever unrequited and have now switched to Jack instead. But if they keep giving him guff like this I fear they'll end up having their hearts broken again.

Sarah Millican: Ticking all the wrong boxes

I'm not sure this is the format to take Sarah Millican to the next level. On first viewing it looks like the producers have attempted to cross So Graham Norton with Harry Hill's TV Burp and come up with a mess with no legs.