Charlie Brooker

Charlie Brooker: The online highway code

In recent weeks we have been dealing with the side-effects of hyper-connectivity, and it's not pretty. Maybe it's time to lay some ground rules for future users of social media, so they don't fall foul of its potential dangers.

Charlie Brooker on how to be a student

Charlie Brooker didn't pass his degree and spent a large amount of time in a dope fug. Which makes him the ideal person to pass on his wisdom to today's students.

A Touch Of Cloth was heavily trailed by Sky. It seemed to be a straight cop drama with a terrible title and an over-acting John Hannah, so my pencil was already poised. Little did I know it was a deliberately bad cop drama featuring the big name in some unintentionally not-very-good ones (most notably the initial attempt at bringing Rebus to the small screen). So I was laughing before it started. Sky's drama output has improved out of sight over the past year or so but the network can still fall for something that looked and sounded this shlocky, something which won't have ­escaped the notice of the writer, Charlie Brooker.

He got a good budget (you want us to rename this tower block Peter Andre House, and that one Sally Bercow House? Sure. And you want us to park an ice-cream van in a field specifically for the one-liner 'Two 999s, please?' No problem). Most of Brooker's gags were better than that, such as DCI Jack Cloth (Hannah), rounding up the murder evidence with the comely pathologist: "What have we got between us?" ­Pathologist: "An implied but never openly referenced sexual history and the suggestion of unfinished business?" Cloth, to the man from forensics: "Any prints?" Forensics: "Only Purple Rain and Lovesexy." Pathologist again: "They handcuffed the victim to the bed and hacked him to bits." Cloth: "Some kind of sex game?" ­Pathologist: "Maybe later, when I've finished pointing at blood."

It was ludicrously gory and for a moment I wondered why. But then I thought, hang on, so was Waking The Dead. Why did I keep watching that for 179 series? And Silent Witness for all of its 132 series? It made you ask vital questions such as: who still manufactures cassettes and can this industry really be kept afloat by police interview rooms alone? And if we were questioning the whole schedule-monstering crime genre, what were the ­actors doing? Rebus was sufficiently far back in Hannah's CV but his sidekick here, Suranne Jones, is a current crime star. Perhaps she should be sending the next batch of Scott & Bailey scripts down to the labs to check for clichés.

Charlie Brooker confirms more 'Wipe' TV shows

Comic writer and agent provocateur Charlie Brooker has confirmed that he will return with a new strand of his 'Wipe' TV series.

'A Touch of Cloth' arrests 520,000 for Sky1 premiere

Charlie Brooker's spoof crime drama A Touch of Cloth premiered on Sky1 with decent ratings on Sunday night (August 26).

John Hannah and Suranne Jones take an affectionate hatchet to their previous work playing detectives in Rebus and Scott & Bailey, in a deadpan spoof of overblown serial-killer mysteries.

It's very much in the style of Airplane! and The Naked Gun, and is more frivolous and fun than you might expect from its creator, Charlie Brooker (Black Mirror, Dead Set).

Cloth fires a silly joke at the screen every second and, while a lot of them don't stick - sometimes it's too laborious in ticking off either cop-show clichés or jokes those American films did better - when it's funny, it's deliriously so.

Police Squad! was a thing of such shimmering perfection, it's no surprise that the only people to have come close to matching it have been the makers themselves. But Charlie Brooker and Daniel Maier's Anglicised take on the quickfire nonsense-com is a bold and largely successful effort - pairing Suranne Jones's jobsworth and John Hannah's drunkard as incompetent cops hunting a crazed killer. The plot is more or less irrelevant. This is all about the gags, of which there are probably hundreds. The hit-rate is respectable - that you can see most of them coming a mile off doesn't detract from the enjoyment - while absurd cameos keep things lively. Subtler chuckles come from sly references to everything from Neil Young to Marathon Man.

Sky's A Touch Of Cloth started out so well. Charlie Brooker's spoof of every cop show ever (starring John Hannah as angst-ridden breaks-the-rules DCI Cloth and Suranne Jones as ambiguous love interest and dogmatic DC Anne Oldman) is timely and silly; it initially reminded me of the late Leslie Nielsen's Police Squad in its incessant visual puns and straight-faced double entendres and that is very high praise indeed. But then it went on - and on - and on. Now, the version given to press was a turgid 90 minutes, which has thankfully now been chopped into two parts for consecutive nights. But it's the same story throughout so I think it will still be a joke stretched too far. It's a shame, because at a snappier length, this would be a hoot and a much-needed antidote to our glut of murder.

A Touch of Cloth (Sky1), was/is (there's more on Monday) too long. Charlie Brooker's crime drama spoof, in which John Hannah and Suranne Jones gamely play characters not too dissimilar from ones they play in actual cop shows, is stuffed to the rafters with jokes. Very good jokes, less good jokes, clever jokes, stupid jokes, visual jokes, knowing jokes, new jokes, old jokes, surreal jokes, puns, nods, winks. There is no let-up, it's relentless - like there's a joke machine aimed at your head, and Charlie's not letting go of the trigger. After a while I was exhausted, and began to forget what the battle was all about. The are moments of razor-sharp brilliance, but it doesn't have the dark beauty, the resonance or the relevance of Black Mirror.