Alan Carr

A comedy roast is a prolonged mickey-take of someone while that someone is still in the room to enjoy the jokes, but from the very first of Jimmy Carr's opening remarks it's clear Sharon Osbourne has her work cut out. The jokes are savage and the language is terrible, as Patrick Kielty, Alan Carr and Jack Dee rip into the former X Factor judge's parenting skills and plastic surgery.

Like a best man speech for a celebrity, the roast - where a famous guest of honour is mercilessly insulted by other celebs - is a long-standing ­tradition in the US. Channel 4 has imported the concept and tonight it's the turn of Sharon Osbourne - a human equivalent of an open goal.

Hosted by Jimmy Carr, this is the funniest and also the rudest hour of TV all week, with Jack Dee, Patrick Kielty, Gok Wan, Alan Carr, Louis Walsh, Ronni Ancona, Keith Lemon and Elton John paying acid-tongued tribute to Sharon's extensive plastic surgery, mothering skills and propensity for sending dog poo to her enemies.

And this put-down from Patrick Kielty shows that nothing is too near to the knuckle. "It's fair to say that Ozzy has never strayed," he quips. "He did once make a dash for freedom but after Sharon cut the brakes on the quad bike, he's now learned his lesson..."

It's comedy and charity combined, not to be confused with a comedy about charity, which would be plain wrong. Twenty-three of our funniest people (and Michael McIntyre) are at the 02 Arena in London competing to win your laughs at Britain's largest-ever live stand-up show, all in aid of Great Ormond Street Children's Charity. Take your pick from Alan Carr, Noel Fielding, Catherine Tate and plenty more. If you still haven't had enough laughs for the evening, stay tuned for Frank Skinner recorded live at Birmingham's NIA. He's on the same channel at 11.05pm, so no action is required.

For this two-hour bonanza in aid of Great Ormond Street Hospital Children's Charity, Channel 4 recently assembled 24 of Britain's best comedians to perform in front of a live audience at the O2 arena in London. So - deep breath - Jack Dee, Andy Parsons, David Mitchell, Fonejacker, Jack Whitehall, Jo Brand, James Corden, Jason Manford, John Bishop, Kevin Bridges, Kevin Eldon, Lee Evans, Mark Watson, Michael McIntyre, Noel Fielding, Patrick Kielty, Rich Hall, Rob Brydon, Ruth Jones, Sean Lock, Catherine Tate and Shappi Khorsandi take turns on stage to make it the biggest live stand-up show in British history. If that's not enough for you, Alan Carr and Bill Bailey perform with Stomp and Ricky Gervais, Stephen Merchant and Johnny Depp provide additional sketches.

This stand-up comedy show at the O2 Arena in London features a barnstorming roll-call of British comedians all stepping up to the mic in aid of Great Ormond Street Hospital Children's Charity. The bill includes Alan Carr, Bill Bailey, Catherine Tate, David Mitchell, The Fonejacker, Jack Dee, Jo Brand, Lee Evans, Michael McIntyre, Noel Fielding, Patrick Kielty, Rich Hall, Rob Brydon and Shappi Khorsandi. If you can't find somebody in that list who makes you laugh, it's possible that you have, indeed, had all your funny bones surgically removed.

Alan Carr will have a sick bucket on standby when he performs a gig in front of 14,000 people for Channel 4's Comedy Gala tomorrow. The camp Chatty Man and Sunday Night Project star revealed he often throws up off stage because of nerves. He said: "On my last tour I was vomiting into a bucket at the Birmingham NEC."

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It's easier to define Alan Carr by what he isn't. He isn't quite Graham Norton, which means he's not hysterically shrill and often in Canary Wharf Waitrose. He isn't Justin Lee Collins, which means that he's not disliked on sight by 80 percent of the population. He isn't a great writer, but he has a warm persona which means that his stand-up is unthreatening and extremely popular. More importantly, he isn't egotistical so he's not a bad chat show host.

Chatty Man is over reliant on Norton-esque games (has anyone ever liked them? Ever?). It is at its best when Alan relaxes and natters with his guests, using the Kirsty Young method to unthreateningly coax some fairly good stuff out of them. All that is by the by, however as tonight's special guest is Ricky Gervais, who seems to be on a mission to become the most correctly despised person in Britain.

Alan Carr is so keen-as-mustard, so effervescently eager-to-please, he has rushed out this New Year's Eve special two days early. And it's a classy edition to round off the series: Carr is joined by the brightest twinkling star of this year's Christmas television, David Tennant, who will be discussing his performance in his final episodes of Doctor Who, though no doubt remaining resolutely tight-lipped on the plot details. Davina McCall also drops by to discuss the last-ever Celebrity Big Brother (coming soon - be warned) and music comes from Spandau Ballet.