Government sources have told Broken News that the media is obsessed with tittle-tattle about minor issues such as societal collapse. Number 10 has urged the country to pull together, to consider the more important implications of celebrity affairs.
Nobody wants to run into an ex, but if you do find yourself in this situation, you definitely want them to feel like they're missing out. It's important to look like you've got your life together.
In breaking news, a beloved celebrity - that you idolised when you were young - has been revealed to be a dreadful human being with objectionable views, causing shock and disappointment among their fans.
