Offworld Cookery
- Online comedy
- 2015 - 2017
- 16 episodes
Online comedy series following three people attempting to cook meals outside. Stars Paul Kerry, Chico Pascale, Alessandro Pascale and Ben Mullins.
Episode guide
1. School Dinners
Thursday 24th September 2015
Today the culinary masters of outdoor delights return to their childhood by recreating their school dinners somewhere in the Northumbrian countryside. Dishes include a delicious bacon sandwich starter, fish fingers for the main, rounded off with an actual fucking sponge cake. Yum yum.
2. Full English Breakfast
Friday 2nd October 2015
Today the sad troop of food cocks cook up a delicious Full English Breakfast somewhere out in the shivering Northern woodlands. Expect eggs, muffins and The Matrix.
3. The Second Coming
Monday 21st March 2016
Jesus and friends cook up a delicious 3 course meal in the wilderness, accompanied by alcohol and marijuana.
4. Food From The Future
Wednesday 30th March 2016
If you need to know what humans will eat in the future, this is fucking it. Rank Spam Fritters, Small Burnt Meatloaf, and Prawn Flavoured Cheese in a Tube. Nice.
5. The Xmas Bird
Wednesday 30th March 2016
A wonderful celebration of Jesus, this week the Offworld Cookery shits jerk out a full Christmas dinner in the woods. Wonderful.
6. Hawaiian Style
Wednesday 30th March 2016
Hawaii is a place in the sea that is better than other places. That's why Offworld Cookery went to a small Scottish Island called Rum to cook up a delicious outdoor feast based loosely on Hawaiian cuisine. Kebabs, Rice & Fish, Coconuts Filled With Rum. Enjoy.
7. Ancient Britain
Wednesday 30th March 2016
Today the Offworld Cookery team travel back to Ancient Britain when life was simpler, and shitter, to cook up a terrible feast of food from olden times. Bits Of Shit Soup, Goat Leg Stew, and a Fucking Massive Cheese. Yum yum.
8. 4th Of July
Wednesday 30th March 2016
Good Christ it's the 4th Of July, American Independence, huge Cheeseburgers in the woods, what a lovely celebration of the USA. This week the OWC twats attempt a large bowl of American Candy, Triple Decker Cheeseburgers, and Ice Cream Sundaes for dessert.
9. Waterloo
Wednesday 30th March 2016
There's never been a better time to recreate the edible treats served up at the Battle Of Waterloo. So Offworld Cookery did it. Treats include Napoleon's favourite dish Chicken Marengo, Beef Wellington, and small bits of chocolate. Great.
10. No Meat & Two Veg
Wednesday 30th March 2016
Fuck me it's time for a vegetarian episode of Offworld Cookery. As you might expect there was little nutrition involved, however the dishes turned out to be surprisingly tasty, considering they were cooked by a trio of bollocks. Some kind of Filipino curry for starters, falafel wraps for the main, and a made up dessert of fruit kebabs, that's what we ate.
11. Hospital Food
Tuesday 26th April 2016
Today the trio of food pubes fuck around with Hospital Food in the rain. Paul attempts the classic get-well-soon dish Chicken Soup, Chico pushes out a uniquely medical take on a Steak & Kidney pie, and Alessandro makes another mistake for dessert. What a triumph.
12. Halloween
Saturday 4th June 2016
Woooo, spooky Halloween food disasters, it's time for another terrible Offworld Cookery. This week the three malevolent losers magic up a starter of O.J. Simpsons gingerbread glove, a delicious witch's stew, and some kind of awful rum-based dessert. Woooo.
13. Law And Order
Friday 26th August 2016
Once again the average woodland bastards barely make an effort cooking for your enjoyment. Today under the flimsy guise of Law And Order they just about manage the timeless prison starter of porridge, a main of pork soufflé, and every prisoners favourite chocolate brownies. Watch it if you want to. Or jerk off instead, whichever.
14. Mel Gibson
Friday 2nd December 2016
Believe it or not this episode is themed around absolute madman Mel Gibson. Of course there's no reason not to believe it, unless you're some kind of glum cunt, but with a starter of Treacle Weapon, a main of Haggis Stuffed Duck and a dessert of Rum Rabbits what's there to be glum about? Not a fucking thing.
15. Explorers
Sunday 5th February 2017
Today the men fastidiously recreate the doomed Antarctic expedition of Captain Scott, cooking up a starter of Powdered Panache, a main of Horse Steak, and a dessert of Kendal Mint Cake. Prepare yourselves for failure.
16. Fine Dining
Friday 31st March 2017
Harumph, bloody hell and damn it, today the three limp lords offer a fine dining experience for your amusement. There'll be a monkfish starter, lobster main and lemon madeleine dessert so why not look at this for 10 minutes and then do something else?