The Awkward Silence

Written by: Si Hawkins
Published: Tuesday 15th November 2022

One random comedian, eight random questions; it's the ultimate test of funny person and fate. This week we welcome a duo - Ralph Jones and Vyvyan Almond - who are venturing into new comic territory at London's Pleasance Theatre this week. The Awkward Silence are now shorter and sweeter.

"Enter the Vortex is our first out-and-out sketch show, after a string of narratively driven shows since 2014," says Ralph. "Each sketch triggers another, which might trigger a flashback, which might return to the original scene, then spin off into a painting in that scene, then a radio show in the world of that painting. It is a comedy lasagne; the Inception of sketch comedy."

Which is surely the best meat/movie metaphor you'll hear today. Jones and Almond took that elaborately layered show to the Edinburgh Fringe in August, but have still been adding stuff, by the sound of it. Do they have a favourite bit?

"Our favourite bit, because it is new, is a tattooist who is only interested in tattooing people if they want to have a tattoo of a worm."

And we'll get onto rats in a minute. The Awkward Silence, your Random 8 await.

What's the best thing you ever bought a ticket for?

Ralph: It might be a toss-up between seeing Mark Rylance in Jerusalem only a few months ago (smashing actor, clearly going places) and seeing Rik Mayall and Adrian Edmondson in Bottom at the age of 14. 19 years apart but the same gormless expression of bliss on both occasions.

Who was your childhood hero (real or fictional)?

Vyvyan: It would have depended when you asked me: when I was very young it was probably the water rat from the Wind in the Willows. He seemed the right sort of person to be.

Later I think I wanted to be terribly sarcastic and acerbic like Edmund Blackadder. That did terrible damage to my early friend-making, and I'm still trying to train myself out of it. These days I'm trying to get back to the water rat.

What's the greatest invention ever?

Ralph: It's either coriander or the written word, but I know which I'd rather have on a king prawn jalfrezi.

Your favourite shop, ever?

Vyvyan: That's a hard one: I've taken many shops to my heart over the years, but at present my affections are unclaimed; I'm in the market for a new affair.

If I had to name one old love I think I'd single out Objects of Use in Oxford: I'm a real sucker for a curated offering, brown paper labels, and simple, functional design. Offer me a pencil sharpener they've been making precisely the same way for fifty years in a former East German tank factory and I'm yours.

The best or worst thing you ever smelled?

Ralph: Wouldn't want to take the dark journey down the road of 'worst' but best? Well, well - I'm afraid that's The Body Shop's 'strawberry' range, ladies and gentlemen.

(We would like The Body Shop to sponsor our act. Not clear why they're not responding to any of our calls or faxes. OK, so we're not the most obvious choice. But maybe we shouldn't always choose the most obvious choice in life, hmm? Maybe, The Body Shop, it would pay to think outside the box a little bit. Ever thought about that? Have you? No. You haven't.)

Your most interesting injury?

Vyvyan: I don't tend to get injured, but I once turned my ankle in a masonic hall in Grahamstown, SA, while practising how to run backward without hurting myself. I spent the rest of our run of Hamlet playing Claudius with a crutch.

Who are you most envious of?

Ralph: Got to be hairdressers, hasn't it. Who could ever profess to understand the dark magic with which they wield their blades?

What's the weirdest thing in your wardrobe?

Vyvyan: Probably a coat made of plastic leaves, which I've had for a few years. I wore it on May Day 2020, along with a home-made chestnut leaf mask, for my one-hour government-mandated exercise in Greenwich Park. I think it cheered up the joggers.