Susan Murray
Published: Tuesday 18th June 2019
One day they'll erect a statue of Susan Murray in Walthamstow. Probably not until long after she departs this mortal coil, so she never gets to actually enjoy it - bloody typical - but one day.
A much-admired stand-up herself, Murray has been running comedy gigs in the East London district since, what, the Jacobean era? But be warned, this August Walthamstow may well fall down, because she's leaving town, and heading back to Edinburgh for a first Fringe run in aeons.
"I've not been up for about four years," Murray explain. "It usually takes me that long to get over the emotional baggage of sitting on a bus weeping as it crosses over North Bridge, which as we all know is an essential part of the 'Edinburgh Experience' as a performer."
The Fringe certainly can be a rollercoaster, for novices and seasoned pros. But this show has one heck of a catchy title - How Not to Die in a Plane Crash - and a similarly eye-catching poster. It should be a fun few weeks.
"I'm hoping this year will be awesome as it's about time really," she says. "The plane crash theme is me desperately trying to validate my pitiful addiction to plane crash documentaries and pass it off as 'research' instead of 'dossing around'. The fact that I've made myself terrified of flying is also very amusing, for everybody else.
"But there are actually some very useful tips and bits of information in it too. This show might just save your life one day."
We'll be getting the train back home, ta very much. Susan Murray, your Random 8 await:
What was your childhood career dream?
I wanted to be so many things: The Queen, a racing driver, a nurse. Or Barbara Windsor, but sadly I never got her 'talents'.
Ever met a surprisingly great or awful famous person?
Jeremy Hardy brought Emma Thompson along to the gig that I run in Walthamstow when he last did it and she was brilliant. She was very, errr, merry and she indulged me by doing her Young Ones lines to camera backstage. Top bird.
What's your favourite mode of transport?
Trains, but only when they are empty, because Other People are generally just awful aren't they? Planes are a bit to crashy and I'm convinced 'turbulence' is Latin for 'Before Crash'. Buses now seem to be a place where ALL mobile phone calls are made. Cars exhaust me because it's me driving late at night trying to get back from a gig but being thwarted by Highways England who have clearly hidden a tracker on my car and close every road I ever need. The utter bastards.
Who are you most envious of?
Anyone with a Jetpack. Anyone married to David Tennant. And Greg Davies cos I'm tiny and unknown and he's massive and... massive. Top bloke too.
What's the greatest invention, ever?
Hands down: Tunnocks. The guy who invented them just got a knighthood but I've applied for him to be made Patron Saint of Sugary Snacks. It's a Scottish thing.
Which low-key law would you introduce?
Anyone who doesn't butter up to the edges of the bread and/or toast should be put up against a wall and shot. I know that's a teeny bit harsh but that's how much I love toast.
What was your worst ever holiday?
Oh man, that's an easy one. I went camping in France with a mod. Worst idea ever. You know what they're like when it comes to pristine clothes. "My shirt's all creased". We're on a campsite. With no electricity. Or irons.
I knew it was doomed when we filled the car up with petrol and I dropped my phone and smashed it to smithereens before we'd even left the borough. I remember thinking "I've got two clear weeks, maybe I should just bail and find a meth dealer that takes Euros".
Then halfway through my car broke down, the mod got horrific food poisoning and we were stuck in a town called Merde de Chien cos that's what it was covered in. The car got back to the UK a month after we did. And yet despite all this I still voted to remain.
Ever walked out of a film?
No. I always stay to the bitter, bitter end even if it's terrible as I've paid money to see it. I sat through that tripe that was The Shite Of Water. I don't know why I went to see it; I can't bear sci-fi. It's all total bollocks.
Actually, add that to my low-key laws, along with anyone who plays or records freeform jazz. Wankers.
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