The Pick of 2019

Written by: Si Hawkins
Published: Tuesday 7th January 2020

Eight random comedians, eight random questions: it's the ultimate test of funny people and fate.

Yes, elsewhere in early January it may be all about looking forward to the year ahead - but not here. No, we at Random 8 and British Comedy Guide love a good hark backwards into the comedy annals, so here's a nostalgia trip through the last 12 months of random questioning.

Recent guests: your Random 8 await.

Who was your first celebrity crush (and ever met them)?

Joanna Neary: Paul McCartney but I was so young I didn't count it as a crush; I just wanted to be him, or failing that, second best, his wife when I grew up. I wrote to [TV artist] Tony Hart asking him to get me Paul McCartney's autograph because I thought all famous people lived together at London's BBC TV Centre. Tony Hart sent me his and one from Sarah Greene.

Then it was Matthew Broderick when I was a teenager. I used to have very sweet 1980s style fantasies about him being my boyfriend. He'd pick me up outside of school in his red sports car and I'd suddenly look like a young Debbie Harry and everyone would go 'wow, look, she's not plain at all, how come we never noticed before, we must be thick idiots, and look at her handsome famous boyfriend, that proves she was ace all along,' and then the daydream would end (on a high).

I did meet him this year. I stood backstage with him thinking 'I'm standing next to Matthew Broderick, I'm standing next to Matthew Broderick, I'm standing next to Matthew Broderick'. 14 year-old me would have been so thrilled. I'm so glad the crush ended years ago or I might have fainted or foamed at the mouth. He was very nice and a great actor.

Your greatest sporting moment?

Dane Baptiste: First dan Shotokan karate at 11 years old. My dad said he was proud, and that emotional display had us both uncomfortable for a week. Good times.

Who was your childhood hero (real or imaginary)?

Michael Legge: Probably God. I'm not really a fan anymore and I haven't really kept up with any of his new stuff, but I bloody loved that beardy, angry fruitcake when I was young. I used to go see him live every week. But, like so many Morrissey gigs, he never turned up.

I feel ashamed that I used to love him so much because he's clearly not real. Morrissey, I mean.

What's the best performance you ever gave?

Lee Minora: I'll tell you about a performance I was really proud of. When I went to Edinburgh Fringe for the first time two middle-age men came to my show and were heckling me. They kept saying I should "suck their balls."

In that show there is a part where I eat what is supposed to be faeces. So I got to this part where I eat the shit and I looked at them and said "Still tastes better than your balls." And the whole audience applauded and they got up and left and that felt pretty incredible.

What's the best advice you've ever received?

Lou Sanders: Listen more. And put the things you want to take with you the next day by the front door. Very good advice unless you exit through the back door.

Do you have a signature dance move?

The Delightful Sausage: Chris always has his show-stopper backflip ready to go at any moment. While he's screaming in agony in a heap on the floor, Amy empties the till and we both flee the scene in the ambulance.

Ever had a really disastrous holiday?

Richard Herring: Yes, I went to Barbados with a girlfriend who, it turns out, had been proposed to by her ex the day before we went and was secretly on the phone to him all the way through the holiday (the room phone, so I was paying for it).

I got hit by a wave on the second day and was knocked over and banged my head and, for some reason, one of my testicles swelled up to about four times its normal size. It seemed to be a gauge of atmospheric pressure too which made the plane ride home quite an experience.

I broke up with the woman on the taxi ride back home from the airport. She didn't marry the other guy in the end though, but I did ring the number on the itemised bill to discover the truth about what had been going on.

What's the finest thing you ever wrote?

Vikki Stone: Well, it's not this.