Nick Helm

Written by: Si Hawkins
Published: Tuesday 2nd May 2023

One random comedian, eight random questions; it's the ultimate test of funny person and fate. This week the rock 'n' lol powerhouse Nick Helm is on board before a bunch of proper club gigs down south this month: three impressive-looking Anglia Comedy line-ups in Peterborough (7th May), Potter's Bar (25th) and Ely (26th).

So, some nice gigs in the diary; does he have tasty new bits to try out?

"All gigs are nice until I show up," says Helm. "My club set is a bit loose at the moment and I'm really enjoying playing around with audiences and material and being back after the pandemic. And even before really; I'm gigging again like I never really did since maybe before I did Uncle, so it's nice getting trains to places and meeting people and getting on stage and making people laugh or walk out or whatever they do."

Marvel at the talent, maybe? Helm has a music celebration upcoming too, "celebrating the 10th anniversary of my first album Hot N' Heavy," he says. "I'm performing the whole thing end-to-end for the first time ever on the 11th and 12th of August in Edinburgh, so really looking forward to that. It's going to be a lot of fun."

Speaking of forthcoming celebrations, might he fancy knocking out a new national anthem?

"I'm busy writing a new album and there will be something on that we can use. I'll donate it for free upfront, but I will expect royalties."

Nice. Nick Helm, your Random 8 await.

What was your childhood career dream?

I only remembered this the other day, but my childhood dream - the thing I wanted to be more than anything as a kid, maybe even into my early teens - was to run a beachside cocktail and juice hut with a palm leaf roof.

I'd make drinks all day, juicing pineapples, wearing a Hawaiian shirt and watching the sun set over the waves with my cool wraparound shades on.

I hate the beach so I don't know what this was about, but I did love working in a pub when I was older so maybe I can tick that off my list.

Is there a book, film or album that changed your life?

Army of Darkness was the film I remember thinking "Oh, I'm an adult now." We got it out from the video shop during the school holidays to fill some time on a wet afternoon while we waited to go to Wembley to see Beauty and the Beast on Ice. I liked the tagline, "Trapped in time, surrounded by evil, low on gas" and that was enough for a rental.

I sort of knew it was the third part in the Evil Dead series, but I was too young and squeamish to watch those yet. Army of Darkness was a tongue in cheek, sword and sorcery, adventure epic on a tiny budget and starred the greatest actor of all time, Bruce Campbell. It blew my mind. So funny. So inventive. So cool.

By the time Belle came out and did a pirouette with some cups and saucers and a singing wardrobe I was no longer a boy. I must have rented it a hundred times after, until my mum bought me a copy and it was basically my gateway movie that led to my love for horror movies and cemented my sense of humour. At least for a bit.

Who's the most interesting person you've ever met?

This question is open to interpretation. If you fancy someone enough any old shit they say can be interesting.

I've met Alice Cooper a couple of times, when I used to work on red carpet duties at music awards ceremonies and events etc. So he wasn't interesting in that moment, because I was just getting him a Diet Coke, but he is interesting in general.

And then there's people that happen to know lots about something you're interested in and they may be fascinating to you, but not to anyone else. My friend and podcast partner Nathaniel Metcalfe knows as much about films as me, if not more, but he knows about stuff that I don't know and vice versa, so I imagine we're equally as fascinating to each other as the other.

Any random eccentrics?

Having said all that, the most interesting person I have ever met is probably Darren, the landlord of my old pub I used to work in. He used to lie about everything. All the time. Big or small.

He'd lie about the recipe of the French Onion Soup he'd just made ("don't add extra water, just use the natural juices from the onions"), he'd lie about easily provable facts, like whether there were bloopers at the end of the original Toy Story movie or not (there weren't, but he said there were and when proven wrong by a customer went on to say that they were on the DVD, which they weren't).

He'd lie about what aftershave he was wearing, where he got his shoes, how happy he was, whether the business was in trouble, who those men that kept turning up with suitcases were. All sorts of things, for absolutely no benefit or reason whatsoever. An absolutely fascinating man.

What's the oddest thing in your wardrobe?

My wardrobe is filled with odd things. Red sequinned hot pants, furry devil legs, angel wings, green skeleton leggings, a hundred Alice Cooper t-shirts. I do own a lot of suits that I never wear. I've never found a suit I look good in or feel comfortable in and my body changes shape so frequently that I feel like I buy a suit every time I go to a wedding (which isn't that frequently to be fair).

Maybe the oddest thing I have in my wardrobe is an XL Barry Manilow tour t-shirt. No idea where it came from, or how I got it, but I wear it to the gym sometimes and it makes me happy.

Which British town should be abolished?

Paignton.

What's the worst job you've ever had?

I've gigged in Paignton.

Do you have a favourite shop, ever?

I used to really love VinMag in Soho. I love movies and everything that comes with them. Artwork, posters, actors, merchandise. VinMag was a shop that sold all sorts of movie memorabilia, there used to be a few film shops, but VinMag was the main one. Anyway, they all closed down and now there's nothing really like it anymore. Just a shop that sold movie related things, but not movies.

My favourite shop these days is either TK Maxx or Fopp. I got into interior decorating and design during the pandemic and I liked to go into TK Maxx, look around and come out with something heavy, gold and useless to sit on my shelf. I think we're called treasure hunters.

That's pretty much the same reason I like Fopp. I've had to limit myself, because I know if I go in it will cost me £60 minimum, because there will be an offer or a sale on or I'll see a Blu-ray cover I like or a box set I think I need. I'm like a fly on a web in Fopp and completely at their mercy, so now I limit myself to about one in four times I pass one.

What's the greatest thing you ever saw?

The greatest thing I ever saw? I've seen the Grand Canyon, but it was overcast and cloudy so not much of it. I saw the opening ten minutes of Halloween Ends in a packed cinema on a Friday night and that was incredible (the rest of the film was only ok though).

I sat at the back of Wembley Stadium for Bruce Springsteen and the front row at the O2 for Dolly Parton and they were two of the best gigs I've ever been to. The first time my niece smiled at me, the sunrise outside the Bedlam Theatre on the last day of the Edinburgh Festival and thousands of fans all singing the words to my songs in a hot tent in Latitude.

But the greatest thing I've ever seen was probably the BBC Three sitcom Uncle. It really does get better with every viewing.