Jazz Emu
Published: Tuesday 29th November 2022
One random comedian, eight random questions; it's the ultimate test of funny person and fate.
This week we welcome the most fertile of flightless funkaholics, Jazz Emu, regularly shooting musical joy all over our screens. And now: the London stage. Soho seems like a suitable part of town for his sleazy grooves, and these nine shows could be pretty epic if this summer's Edinburgh Fringe run is any indication. People were going nuts. How did he find it?
"Thank you so kindly. Honestly, every show for me is more erotic than the last, as I become more and more attuned to the needs of my audience. In the case of the Edinburgh, I quickly noted that the crowd needed to be potently and sensually entertained, and I provided this with a selection of classic techniques from my sensual tool-belt (hip gyrations, winking, profuse-forehead-sweating, etc)."
Saucier than that shelf above the napkins in Nandos. His current hour of power is called You Shouldn't Have, and its potency just keeps growing, apparently.
"This show at Soho Theatre promises to be even more musically and dramatically thrilling," Emu explains, "though - as a content warning - I cannot guarantee that it is safe to bring a lover along, if you wish to have them come home with you afterwards."
Hark his words. Jazz Emu, your Random 8 await.
What was your childhood career dream?
My childhood dream was, naturally, to follow in the footsteps of my father - renowned foley-recording artist, Bronchman Emu. You will of course be familiar with his most famous works ("boot-squelch-in-mud" - The Man With A Leg For A Face [1964], or "left-hand-lightly-cupping-a pig's-teat", Farmer's Delight [1977])
But when I arrived at my late teens, I stumbled across the unbridled power of the Electric Wind Instrument, and at that point I vowed to bring its convulsive, gyrational robo-phallic power to the masses.
I am so lucky to have a father that supports my career decisions and wishes me all the best and who provides me with constant contact and support and if you are reading this father please do drop me a line I have been commenting on many of your Instagram posts.
When were you most embarrassed?
One time when I was onstage I slipped and fell into perfect splits. It was extremely embarrassing as the audience gave me a standing ovation for seventeen minutes and Her Majesty Elizabeth II offered to knight me on the spot (it was a Royal Variety Show performance). I rejected the knighthood (for political reasons) but I haven't stopped blushing since!
What's your favourite film or TV theme tune?
Well, it would be impossible not to humbly select my own work, a theme tune for Scorcese's 2019 classic film, The Irishman. It sadly went unused in the final cut, as it transpires I had mistaken the 'Irish Man' for a superhero instalment in the Marvel franchise, and my theme song consisted mainly of me listing Ireland-based superpowers (e.g. rapid Guinness-handling, enjoyment of Riverdance, being able to pronounce Meadhbh, etc).
Who's the most interesting person you've ever met?
Let's just say, when I get up in the morning and look in the mirror, it instantly brings to mind the most interesting person I've ever met: the man who sold me my mirror (three nipples).
The best advice you ever received?
The best advice I ever received was not to make up random idioms in a vain attempt to sound wise, and I think that advice really puts hot butter on a cold biscuit.
What's the most regrettable thing you ever bought?
The mirror I bought off the three-nippled man. Sadly it transpired he was trying to shift the mirror because it was cursed. Since then I too have grown a third nipple (not on my torso) and it is whispering things to me.
Admittedly the things are all encouraging (you are doing a nice job today, that scarf really complements your eyes, etc) but it is still unnerving. If I'm honest I'm not sure I would ever go back to buy anything off him.
Your most interesting injury?
In 2015, I hit a badger doing 112 on a dual carriageway. It survived completely unscathed, except for one hand which contorted into giving me the middle finger. Nature truly is fascinating.
What's your favourite shop, ever?
Marcel Mubongum's Mirror Emporium.
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