Ian Smith

Written by: Si Hawkins
Published: Tuesday 28th May 2019

One random comedian, eight random questions: it's the ultimate test of funny person and fate.

This week's crafty wordsmith is Ian Smith; not the deeply divisive former Rhodesia prime minister and fighter pilot who died in 2007, amazingly enough, but the in-demand yet presumably indecisive comic/actor/writer/paper-folder. Next Friday he starts a two-night run of the show Craft, at London's Soho Theatre.

"I'll have just got back from performing 11 dates of the show at the New Zealand Comedy Festival," says the busy Smith. "It's a show about indecision, and at long last, origami. If you're lucky, there might just be a live wish granting!"

Magic. That show has gone down well and he's now working on his sixth solo hour for this year's Edinburgh Fringe. "I'm very excited about that," says Smith, "I think it will be my best (but don't let that stop you from coming to see Craft) and is more personal than anything else I've done, but also has a joke about a weird pigeon."

As all the best shows should. Ian Smith, your Random 8 await:

What was your favourite kids' TV show?

I remember really liking Aquila - but in hindsight I remember very little about the plot. I know there were two kids and they found a spaceship, and basically got into a lot of scrapes with it. It had a cloaking device, which was handy so that other people didn't pester them about why they had a spaceship. I'm going to google the plot...

Right (post-google), a few things:

(1) One of the kids was called Geoff. That's hilarious looking back at it. I can't imagine watching a TV show now and seeing a kid called Geoff and not thinking that's an unrealistic name for a child.

(2) There were only two series and it ended on a cliffhanger when they find a battle cruiser orbiting the sun. I imagine series three would have been these kids (inc. Geoff), now in their hormonal teenage years, with a battle cruiser, going around destroying planets because they got told off for not cleaning their rooms. Brutal stuff. I'd be more than happy to be involved in that if the BBC decide to make series three after a 21-year break.

Also, in googling this I've just seen that Art Attack isn't hosted by Neil Buchanan anymore. What the hell is wrong with the world?

When were you most embarrassed?

When I was very young a bird shit in my mouth when I was trying to catch rain drops. I can't help but think it was a purposeful attack.

What's the very best thing you ever saw?

Maybe I'm saying this because it only recently happened, so it still fills me with happiness, but... this year at New Zealand Comedy Festival there was a karaoke party in the Classic Comedy Club.

Paul Sinha would go on stage while other people were singing and in any pauses sing "Last night a DJ saved my life" on the second mic. I was on the floor crying I found it so funny. One girl was taking it far too seriously singing a Lily Allen song and Paul did it about six times and it was amazing. I will happily show the video to anyone I meet.

Ever met a surprisingly great or awful celebrity?

I once went to the toilet next to Timothy Spall. I was in the first series of The Syndicate and was in the table read when he was there, I think he's great. My housemate at the time worked in a pub he went in and mentioned I'd been in a TV show with him, he won't have remembered, but when he left he told my housemate to say hello to me from him (even though he will have had no idea who I was) - and I think that's very nice.

Who is - or was - your most interesting relative?

I haven't looked into my family tree really - so I'm going to pick someone with the surname Smith from Wikipedia and say I'm related to them...

'Erik George Sebastian Smith (25 March 1931 - 4 May 2004) was a German-born British record producer, pianist and harpsichordist. He produced over 90 opera recordings. His greatest legacy is the 1991 complete recording of the entirety of Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart's compositions, which included many previously unheard fragments and was released for the bicentennial of Mozart's death.'

Still today the harpsichord is a big part of the Smith family - every Christmas we take it in turns to blow through the pipe (does it have a pipe?) and pluck its beautiful strings (playing it safe and going for lots of things here).

Which low-key law would you introduce?

Everybody has to have their own theme tune for whenever they walk into a room. They have to, by law, commission the theme tune - it's up to you whether you write it yourself or get someone else to do it all.

There are a few problems with it - I'd be concerned that wealthy people would have significantly better-produced theme tunes and that could lead to classism and snobbery, but at the same time I think we would have a lot more respect for people who have sung their own theme tunes with just some banging going on in the background.

If lots of people are entering a room at once the noise would become unbearable and it would make funerals extremely awkward, but other than that I think it could only be a positive thing.

How do you feel about cats?

I like cats, but I get annoyed if a cat doesn't like me. I was cat-sitting for my old university cat, Sushi (I didn't choose the name) and I was annoyed that she didn't seem to remember me from university. I think it must've been hard to recognise me when I wasn't up at 2am drinking a Red Bull and frantically reading a cultural studies book I didn't understand.

Ever walked out of a film?

No, not yet - I don't think I have the financial security to be able to make such a move. I nearly walked out of the film Will Ferrell and Kevin Hart did about going to prison - I'm not even going to google that because I don't want to remember any aspect of it. I think the title was Get Hard, even that is bad. Why did I go and see it?

Ian Smith's show Craft is at the Soho Theatre from 7-8 June. For details visit sohotheatre.com

And his new Edinburgh Fringe show Half-Life will be at the Underbelly (Bristo Square), 31 July - 25 August. Info & Tickets