Harriet Kemsley

Written by: Si Hawkins
Published: Tuesday 13th September 2022

One random comedian, eight random questions; it's the ultimate test of funny person and fate. This week we welcome Harriet Kemsley, just back from a successful Edinburgh Fringe, and now embarking on a week at Soho Theatre with the show Honeysuckle Island, before a UK tour. First up: how was Edinburgh?

"Oh hello British Comedy Guide. My Fringe was great thank you. I have a baby so it was very wholesome this year. We just went for lunches and stepped around the piles of garbage."

It's been quite a few weeks for that fine city, indeed. And speaking of notable locations, where exactly is Honeysuckle Island?

"So Honeysuckle Island is a dream travel destination that I created when I was 11, it had everything a pre-teen could dream of; waterfalls and zip-lines and monkeys and when I looked at it recently as an adult I spotted that in the corner I had also drawn a cellulite machine. And I'd spelt 'cellulite' right and 'island' wrong.

"So the show is about the pressures from society on young girls and my new reckoning with it since having a daughter. And also my past Chlamydia diagnosis. It's important I get it in to every show."

Comedians need the clap. Harriet Kemsley, your Random 8 await.

Who was your childhood hero (real or fictional)?

Ok fine British Comedy Guide I was in the Peter Andre Fan Club. I played Mysterious Girl on repeat and had a poster and badge. I seem to have had a thing for softly-spoken hard-abbed men which I must have lost along the way considering my very loud husband.

What's the best thing you ever bought a ticket for?

I do love a dog show. I love when they're dressed up, I love when they walk around all proud and I love the pride the owners take and I love when they unexpectedly shit and all dignity is lost.

Who are you most envious of?

Have you ever seen those people and they move and it's like every movement is intentional and considered. And they unpack their notebook from their bag for instance and then get out a pen out which isn't leaking and place each thing gently down in a neat and thoughtful location and they never scream 'IT'S IN HERE SOMEWHERE' and then chuck the contents of their backpacks all over the table and tampons and loose change just roll everywhere. Those people.

What's the greatest invention, ever?

Teleporting. I am aware it hasn't been invented yet. But I believe how manifesting works is you have to act like something has already happened and be grateful for it, 'so boy do I love to teleport.'

Ever met a surprisingly great or awful famous person?

I met Rami Malek recently and he was really nice. I met him in a context where he wasn't being an actor so I didn't know how to behave when he said 'Hi' as I didn't want to be like 'oh yeah Hi Rami Malek.' So I pretended I didn't know he was Rami Malek and asked him his name and just asked him questions like 'so Rami Malek what do you do?' And then, when I was truly out of my depth, I gave him unsolicited screenwriting advice.

What's your favourite mode of transport, and why?

Probably snowboard. I would be so much happier if I could just snowboard everywhere. People don't believe I can do it as I'm a very clumsy person but actually I find it easier than walking as there's only one thing to think about. Also you'd feel so much more alive than on the tube in someone's armpit.

Which town/city should be abolished?

I would never say a town/city should be abolished because I'm quite a hopeful person so I would hope they could improve themselves and find the good. Having said that I bombed in Middlesborough and they can go to hell.

What's the weirdest thing you ever saw?

I once fell down a hole when I was just walking. I guess I didn't see it as it was happening to me but I did see what it was like for a person to fall down a hole. Luckily a man saw and pulled me out.

I was walking behind my family and they were completely oblivious and it was a hard thing to explain to them as falling down a 10-foot hole out of nowhere really changes you as a person, but in their mind I was just being slow and then I reappeared, but I was never the same.