Glenn Moore
Published: Tuesday 6th September 2022
One random comedian, eight random questions; it's the ultimate test of funny person and fate. This week it's Glenn Moore, just back from a barnstorming Edinburgh Fringe, and now heading straight out on tour, the absolute baller.
That show? Will You Still Need Me, Will You Still Feed Me, Glenn I'm Sixty Moore, which has some devilishly clever, er, framing devices? Something like that. Plus also his trademark top-notch gags - so was that always the plan?
"Thanks! No, the intro and outro are very much connected to each other," he says, "but the former didn't come until most of the show was already written (so around May), and the ending came about on my very final preview show, about three days before I arrived at the Edinburgh Fringe.
"Both popped fully-formed and fully-written into my head, which filled me with so much suspicion that I had to ask several other comedians whether I'd inadvertently nicked them."
And the jokes?
"I just use the notes app on my phone to list every idea I have over the course of a year, and once I have about 1000-1500 I whittle them down to my 300 or so favourites, see what themes they seem to fall under, group them into categories...
(Like, well I have six jokes about lifeguards, so that can be a routine, and I have four jokes on musical instruments, so I'll focus on writing more jokes on that until it becomes a full-length 'bit'), and spend a few months turning those into the actual show. I don't know if this process is normal for comedians or if I'm coming across as desperately ill."
Sounds about right - normal, that is. And how was the festival generally?
"Fringe was fun thanks! Never going there again!"
He's back in Edinburgh in November. Glenn Moore, your Random 8 await.
Who was your first celebrity crush (and ever met them)?
Gaby Roslin, and yes - she interviewed me about my last tour, but obviously I didn't say anything. I'm not sure it's a compliment to be like 'six year-old me would have loved this'.
Which low-key law would you introduce?
French exchange shouldn't just be for kids, and legally I think every now and then your grandad should get switched out for a couple of weeks with 82 year-old Antoinne.
What's the worst job you've ever had?
Right, none of this is going to sound true - and I know I've got form with regards to fibs - but hear me out: I temped at a now-closed confectioners called Master Bakers.
Firstly, they did not think anything was wrong with that name. Secondly, I was given a formal warning because the boss inadvertently brought up the Microsoft paperclip on his screen, thought it looked suspicious and accused me of putting a virus on his computer.
What's the stupidest thing you've ever bought?
At the moment, I'm going to say the PlayStation 5 - not a purchase I immediately regretted but it's caused me a lot of grief in recent weeks. Because the Edinburgh Fringe is an entire month, and I wanted to have more sensible nights-in this time around, I brought the console in my backpack to the festival.
What I should have checked was whether the flat had a television, which it didn't. I fucking hate that console now. Also I got back from the Fringe last week and realised I'd left the power cable in Edinburgh so I can't even use it now. It is the stupidest thing I've ever bought and the stupidest thing I've ever brought.
Your greatest sporting moment?
The very final day of school, everyone leaving played one football match. 60 v 60. An impossibly stupid, unplayable game, but I bundled in the winner. That was great. Then 59 people leapt on me, which was not great. I lost two ribs that day, which means I can suck Marilyn Manson's dick.
What should be Britain's next national anthem, and why?
Another country's national anthem. But so much worse. Untuned instruments, muttered singing. And the anthem should change depending on who we're playing in a major football tournament.
Let's say we're taking on France in the quarter finals in Qatar - yes, we're on our way out but at least straight after they've belted out La Marseillaise, they have to listen to our slower, limper, more sarcastic version.
Do you have a favourite device, ever?
When Tamagotchis were a big deal, my parents got me the limpest possible knock-off version. A stunningly crap looking alien that moved from left to right, couldn't be fed, couldn't be interacted with, didn't learn or grow, couldn't die. Zero jeopardy.
Everyone else in my class was having to constantly provide around the clock palliative care for their Tamagotchi; mine was basically an adult happily left to their own devices
When were you most embarrassed?
Potentially now. I've just realised if people don't know the Marilyn Manson rib thing, then one of my earlier responses is going to sound insane.
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