British Comedy Guide
Random 8

Garry Starr

Garry Starr. Damien Warren-Smith. Copyright: Dallas Bland

One random comedian, eight random questions; it's the ultimate test of funny person and fate.

This week's ruffled character is Garry Starr (who also goes by the less glamorous 'Damien Warren-Smith', presumably when he's checking into hotels and stuff). The forthright thespian cut quite a dash at this year's Edinburgh Fringe, with his show Garry Starr Performs Everything. So much so, that he's bringing it to London's Soho Theatre this week. But does the show have a worthy goal?

"Recently expelled from the Royal Shakespeare Company for 'artistic differences' I've taken it upon myself to prove the naysayers wrong by performing every single genre of theatre imaginable," Starr explains, "thus single-handedly saving the performing arts from its inevitable extinction."

We'll take that as a yes. Garry Starr, your Random 8 await:

What's the best creative idea you ever had?

This is a very difficult question for me to answer as I have a constant stream of ideas flowing from my brain, like thoughts from a mind (similes are one of my strengths). But if I had to narrow it down to one then it would be the time I used a hollowed out Chap Stick to conceal a rolled up £10 note while rehearsing at the RSC because Sir Ian kept stealing my lunch money.

Garry Starr. Damien Warren-Smith. Copyright: Joseph Till

Which low-key law would you introduce?

I think it should be made illegal for actors to deliver 'truthful' performances. Everybody knows they're pretending but nowadays, thanks to the Americans, it's very difficult to tell who is acting and who is genuinely insane.

What's your favourite mode of transport?

My favourite mode of transport, without doubt, is the performing arts. The sheer intoxication of theatre can take one places beyond one's wildest dreams. I also like Foefie Slides.

Do you have a good hangover cure?

Nothing cures a hangover quite like time. Whenever anyone is complaining of a hangover I tell them, 'Don't worry, you'll feel much better next week', and sure enough, when I speak to them a week later they hardly even remember the previous hangover. Methamphetamine is also supposed to be quite good.

What's the best performance you ever gave?

Once, while portraying The Great Dane (I am, of course referring to the Dansk Prins not the Deutsche Dogge), a woman in the front row began cyclical vomiting.

This spurred me on and the louder she got the louder I got until, before we knew it, the theatre was filled with a cacophony of retching (my vocal quality had been thus described by The Times) and the moment I spake my concluding line, "The rest is silence", she collapsed into a heap on floor, losing consciousness. It was nothing short of spiritual.

Which book should we all read?

My new book on the techniques of acting entitled Garry's Way: How To Do Good Acting will be available in all good retailers from 8th December. Expect chapters on 'How to get mentioned in reviews even though you're a minor character' and 'How to cry real tears without thinking about Brexit'.

What's the best thing in your wardrobe?

The best thing in my wardrobe is Hugh Jackman. He's been in there ever since I moved into my new flat in Dalston. It's strange because I have no idea how he got in there or if he was there even before I moved in. He has worked on some big Hollywood films in the meantime so I assume he has a sneaky way of getting in and out. I figure I'll just leave him alone and he'll come out when he's ready.

Do you have a signature dish?

I've been told my 'Bananas Wrapped in Ham with Vegemite Coulis' are to die for. Or was it 'from.' Maybe they said 'To die from'. Either way, they seem to be keeping Hugh going.


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