Random 8 Fringe special

Written by: Si Hawkins
Published: Tuesday 27th August 2019

One random comedian, eight random questions; it's the ultimate test of funny person and fate. Actually it's eight funny people today, as we bring together a bunch of previous Random 8 contestants whose shows we thoroughly enjoyed at this year's Edinburgh Fringe (which ended yesterday), several of which notched awards nominations, too.

We generally ask an extra ninth question, you see, just in case they really don't fancy one of the others, or say something libellous, or we can't make head nor tail of one of their answers - so more often than not get to save them up for occasions like this.

Exhausted, hopefully exhilarated Edinburgh Fringe alumni, your Random 8 await.

How do you feel about cars?

Sean Morley: As a pedestrian, it's hard to get across to car-folk how evil and scary their metal fortresses truly are. Imagine for a moment there weren't people inside them and the government tried to introduce giant metal cuboids that move around at lethal speeds in every major populated area in the world while churning out toxic black fumes. There'd be a riot - which would be quickly suppressed by the cubes.

What's your favourite word, and why?

Lou Sanders: Hometime! Why? It's hometime!!!

Who are you most jealous of?

Delightful Sausage: Daniel Craig. Just got himself a brand new resin driveway and went on holiday for two weeks. Last time Chris [Sausage] took a long lunch he slipped into a coma.

What's the worst thing in your wardrobe?

Ian Smith: Probably a flame shirt - from when I was in secondary school. It would have been top of the list for non-uniform day. More worrying than how it looks is the fact that I've tried it on recently and it fits me, so not only was I wearing a flame shirt, I was wearing one that fits an adult man.

What was your most interesting injury?

Joz Norris: Do you know what? I've never been injured. I think of an 'injury' as having to be a physical ailment resulting from an accident, and I think I've never had one, beyond a few bumps and scrapes, none of which make for interesting stories.

I guess my most interesting physical ailment, separate from the accident thing, is that for five years I had severe asthma, or so I thought. I fell off a banana boat when I was about ten and was suddenly unable to breathe and nearly drowned, and then was told I had asthma and used inhalers for a few years, and every now and again found myself completely unable to breathe and having to really rely on them.

When I was fifteen it got so bad that the only way I could get air into my lungs was to curl up in a ball, and if I wanted to move then I had to crawl along on my hands and knees because standing up meant I couldn't breathe. That landed me in hospital for a bit. Then one day it completely disappeared, and I never had it again, which is weird, because asthma is supposed to be a chronic condition that you have for life.

Only this year somebody told me that I probably never had asthma, but went through a period of suffering from regular panic attacks. Which makes a whole heap of sense and explains a lot, actually.

What's the greatest invention ever?

Adam Larter: Quorn.

How do you feel about cats?

Vikki Stone: Like my dog, I'm suspicious of cats, and 100% sure we can be friends.

What's the worst job you've ever had?

Huge Davies: I once had a job shifting broken wood on a bank holiday Sunday in the rain. I was given no gloves so my hands started bleeding, and then a pipe broke above me and I swallowed about a mug full of roof mud. I never got paid, so it may not even technically be a job.