Christopher Bliss
Published: Monday 23rd July 2018
One random comedian, eight random questions: it's the ultimate test of funny person and fate. And this week's anorak-wearing contestant is quite a character.
"Hello, I'm Christopher Bliss, village-renowned novelist and son of two," says Bliss, via his ghost writer Rob Carter. "I usually write novels but this year I've written something completely new. I call it a LIVE NOVEL - people standing on a stage pretending to be other people. It's a completely new concept and one I'm very excited to perform. And for the first time I'm also bringing both of my friends along to perform it with me!"
Corking! Now, Christopher Bliss, your eight await.
What's the most disappointing book you've ever read?
The Very Hungry Caterpillar. I just don't know why he's so hungry. It disappointed me so much I didn't even finish it.
Did you have a childhood career dream?
I've always wanted to be an adult, but I'm not sure if that counts. Other than that I used to have these crazy fantasy dreams about moving to Telford and getting a job sending emails or something. I must have been such a nutter back then!
What was your worst sporting moment?
Losing to myself at Monopoly 10 times in a row :-(
When was the nearest you came to breaking the law?
I was reckless back in my teens - I used to press the button to cross the road when I didn't need to cross. One day a police car showed up at the lights and I panicked. Should I walk away and pretend it wasn't me? Or cross the road anyway and risk them looking in my eyes and seeing that I didn't really need to cross? In the end I just kept my head down and crossed the road, and guess what...? The idiots bought it!
Who are you most jealous of?
Myself ten minutes ago. I just had one of the craziest yoghurts of my life.
Which British town should be abolished, if you absolutely had to?
Telford. Some of the buildings there are made of windows and I don't understand how it works. Witchcraft if you ask me and I don't trust it one bit.
How do you feel about Shakespeare, and his work?
I think he waffles on a bit. I just Googled one of his poems and think I can do a much nicer version which says exactly the same thing:
WILLIAM SHAKESPEARE:
Shall I compare thee to a summer's day?
Thou art more lovely and more temperate.
Rough winds do shake the darling buds of May,
And summer's lease hath all too short a date.
Sometime too hot the eye of heaven shines,
And often is his gold complexion dimmed;
And every fair from fair sometime declines,
By chance, or nature's changing course, untrimmed;
But thy eternal summer shall not fade,
Nor lose possession of that fair thou ow'st,
Nor shall death brag thou wand'rest in his shade,
When in eternal lines to Time thou grow'st.
So long as men can breathe, or eyes can see,
So long lives this, and this gives life to thee.
CHRISTOPHER BLISS:
Shall I compare thee to a summer's day?
No.
What's your favourite tipple?
Strawberries!
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