Tom Ward

Written by: Si Hawkins
Published: Friday 4th November 2022

This week we welcome a comic who was lauded in these very pages just a few weeks ago - and getting mentioned on here can really go either way - so it made a lot of sense to get him on. That comic is Tom Ward, who's on tour with a show called Anthem, which is an apt thing to go national with, when you think about it.

"Anthem's mainly about personal identity and how it's being weaponised through class, sexuality / gender labels, and mental health. The climate narrative too is being subverted by oil companies with a PR spend. I also talk about being in love so there's some fluff.

"It's called Anthem 'cos it feels more direct than previous shows. I guess I'm more opinionated now which makes me less cute and adorable, but you have to lay it out a bit eventually or you're wasting everyone's time, aren't you?"

That aforementioned adulation was from Rob Copland, who said Ward 'seemed like this mythical creature, a buddhist monk in service to comedy.' Any thoughts, Tom?

"Wow, what a nice boy. I love Rob Copland, I saw his show this year at Edinburgh and could see how hard he'd worked. He's a proper artist, honouring the alienation, following his own aches rather than pandering to shit munchers. I hope he can keep that. It's hard to, 'cos mainstream audiences sand you down in time."

Sounds painful. But speaking of time, let's head back in it.

First gig?

It was March 2011 at The Cavendish Arms in Stockwell to about 50 people. I forgot everything I was going to say early on because of the nerves and only did about three mins of a five min set.

I think Richard Todd was on. I was blown away by him, and the audience were too. Urgent, outsider stuff with complex lyrical flourishes. I think one of his stories was about his father hoarding spandex in the 80s in a failed wrestling venture. He shone amidst the usual group of grotty men.

This was the era of Never Mind The Buzzcocks' casual nastiness, rape / abortion / slag jokes and middle-aged blokes with one hand in their pocket talking about hating their wives. The consciousness visibly lifted any time Toddy was on and people were just so happy.

Favourite show, ever?

Live At The Apollo was stunningly good in 2021. Applause breaks, people wiping away tears, a standing ovation at the end that they cut out 'cos it didn't fit with the edit! It was insane. By far the most bonkers reaction under pressure I'd ever had. I was euphoric for days afterwards.

Worst gig?

About a week after doing Apollo the comedown was hitting hard.

I was back above a pub on Wednesday night. This one was in Kentish Town (never do well there for some reason). Just 25 blank, bored faces. One man burped loudly during my set and got up to go get a drink. At the end the MC came on and said "he just recorded Live At The Apollo" and someone said "REALLY?".

Afterwards I was trying to leave as quick as possible and the burp man tried to stop me with his mate to say how much he liked it and ask for a picture. I had to worm out of his aggressively friendly arm around me and his protests that he "understood depression" and get away pronto for a cry on the tube.

Which one person influenced your comedy life most significantly?

Ben Elton made me want to do it. I had his 1989 show Live on cassette and listened to it on repeat.

My big sister Charlie was my first real comedy influence, helping me soften the blows of leaving the church when I was 13 with a sarcastic, knowing quality and quips about adults being fake and uptight and full of shite. She introduced me to Leslie Nielsen and Jim Carrey films, TV like Shooting Stars and Eurotrash and music like Nirvana, Bjork, Tricky, U2, and Goldie.

She'd also call me out if I was being gross or lame, like a drill sergeant of good taste. For a long time I'd just parrot her opinions not realising that I didn't agree with all of them. Later I'd ring her before gigs to go through my set when I was nervous. She was at Apollo too which was really important.

And who's the most disagreeable person you've come across in the business?

Like most people answering this question probably, open mic promoters are often the most weird, neurotic, narcissistic, passive aggressive, fucked up men (usually) you'll ever meet.

Also, a bloke who ran a club gig in Piccadilly used to give me unpaid 10-minute spots on his night. I loved them 'cos he got big crowds and I learned that I can could do them.

But after about 30 of these and with him standing over me after gigs in his stunning new threads, breathing his horrific vape halitosis through fangs of dry saliva on me while promising paid spots in the future, I started to feel like I was paying for those cashmere rollnecks and two-tone brogues myself.

Is there one routine/gag you loved, that audiences inexplicably didn't?

God yeah, pretty much everything I've ever done. For every hour-long show there's about 50 hours of jokes that didn't work sitting sad in an attic, waiting to be visited and petted and told they are special, it just wasn't their time.

Even after 11 years I still don't know what will work. Some piece of dumb shite can rip the roof off, and some delicious thing that makes you want to weep with joy can basically play to bemused titters. No wonder comedians go mad and start screaming online about the trans thing or whatever it is - comedy tests your grasp on reality.

Most recently I described a rich part of London where people name their children after books they've read so that you know they're cultured. Said in a posh voice - "The Complete Works of Oscar Wilde... get in the car!" It would work maybe one in five times. Sadly, those ratios are relegation form.

Do you address much of the current national/global turmoil in this show, or steer well clear?

Yeah, a little bit on the climate, and how dirty companies greenwash in their ads by using meaningless arrangements of words and jingly music. We're so used to being lied to now, be it through manipulative editing, fast cuts, clever music, montages etc that the mundanity of the truth doesn't actually work.

Thus, you have BP doing ads with a series of life affirming moments played out with some syrupy voiceover and ending with "BP, for the journey". Really it should say "At BP our motto is: fuck you and your kids". But that probably wouldn't sell as much petrol.

Any reviews, heckles or post-gig reactions stick in the mind?

2018's reviews at Edinburgh really stung cos the show was not a 3* show, but because I had a song at the end about getting 3* reviews reviewers seemed to relish the chance to give them. Yes, the show didn't hold together but sometimes if the opening six tracks are loved you have to give the band some leeway for the last four being a bit indulgent.

How do you feel about where your career is at, right now?

I am pretty much happy but it's never constant, is it? One minute I'm delighted and feel like I'm exactly where I should be. Other times I remember that I still haven't got an online platform like a podcast or YouTube series and I really should get onto that after all these years, especially as I don't do panel shows.

I just die inside around phoney banter and obvious mask wearing. But the world is yours if you can do those things. The question is, is that world worth having?