Stuart Goldsmith

Probably best known for grilling his contemporaries on the popular Comedian's Comedian Podcast, Stuart Goldsmith has a new show of his own - the first he's toured - which garnered fine reviews at last year's Edinburgh Fringe. But then that venue did have a nice couch, handy for reflective moments - will he miss it on the road? "I do miss it - I've tried to replace it with a stool or stools, but it's not the same!" says Stu. "I'd love to do a show with a couch or a bed or everyone in beds. Can I just go to people's houses or something?"
One day. But first, let's wallow in his stand-up past...

First gig?

It was at one of the many pubs in Soho that share the name the Blue Posts. James Woroniecki was compering in his old guise as James D'Chapeau. Ava Vidal was the headliner and afterwards she told me that I should keep doing comedy because I "had a good look." At this point I'm doing the face that's on that emoticon with a colon and a forward slash.

Favourite show, ever?

I'm going to be a wanker about this, because even though I have a personal list of highlights (including opening for Patton Oswald at Largo, and a gig I did on the night of my baby's birth), I'd like to nominate "any random Wednesday gig" as my favourite, because those are what make up a lifetime as a comedian.

And that's what it's really about, that's the stuff I'll look back on when I'm old and infirm; not the trophy gigs but the turning up night after night... What an absolute arsehole.

Worst gig?

A Christmas gig at a commercial comedy club in Leeds, where 160 members of the works party hadn't been given Christmas dinner because the kitchen ran out. The club placated the hungry, angry crowd with free wine for three hours before the show, and during my set the head of the company invaded the stage and physically threatened me. He later emailed the club to complain about me.

I genuinely thoroughly enjoyed the experience - it was so utterly, irredeemably awful that it became fun again.

Who's the most disagreeable person you've come across in the business?

If you take the 151st second of every single episode of my podcast, and painstakingly edit all of them together, it sounds out the name of the one comedian I despise.

Is there one routine/gag you loved, that audiences inexplicably didn't?

Oh god, about one in ten maybe? Over time I've developed more of a sense of when I've got hold of something good, but I still like to fire out stuff that is anyone's guess as to whether it'll work, because that's where you find the magical bits that are uniquely you. I used to have a bit about saying "alright lads?" to an open egg-box, that I used to chuck in if I was already dying at a gig. About eight years later I finally made it work and it became a favourite bit.

What's your best insider travel tip, for touring comics?

You can put hot pasta inside a flask! No-one tells you this, but you can cook it in there, drain it, add some pesto and leave it for after your gig to be discovered back in your vehicle or bag on the train - you've never felt like such a champion!

The most memorable review, heckle or post-gig reaction?

Well a review last year at Edinburgh won the FringePig 'Hamfist' award for ludicrousness - it was a three star that read like a six! But I don't begrudge the guy at all; it's easy to think reviews matter and to some small weird extent they do, but not as much as tenacity. Besides, reviews - like opinions and heckles and post-gig reactions - aren't really *for* us, they're for the person doing the opining.

How do you feel about where your career is at, right now?

Oh man I'm so excited about it. I really do feel like it's all coming together - which is probably a combination of things actually cooking creatively, plus a new-found interpretation of what my career means. I'm funnier than I've ever been, I'm working harder and enjoying it more than ever, plus there's this bastard podcast which consumes my every other waking moment!

35 or so people have written to tell me the pod helped them decide to try stand-up, thus transforming/ruining their lives, and even on the 800th touring-mile that week it's very hard to feel jaded when people are throwing that kind of thing at you.

It's your last ever gig: give us the venue, the line-up, the pre-show rider...

Venue: The Classic, Auckland.

Rider: courtesy of Steve Pickup.

Line-up: Spencer Jones comperes as The Herbert. Rob Deering opens. David O'Doherty. My godson Tom does a quick spesh act, skipping on a walking globe. Raymond and Mr Timpkins.

Now a James Acaster / Nish Kumar rap battle. Joe Morpurgo does his 'Static' beat poem, from his show Odessa. Mat Ewins does whatever he likes for twenty minutes. Luke Heggie, deadpan act from Australia. My fiancée does her impression of 'food in the fridge.' Herbie Treehead from Slightly Fat Features closes with The Happy Song.

I'm watching from the wings throughout, occasionally heckling good-naturedly via 'voice of god' mic.

For tickets to Stuart's tour, and those podcasts, visit stuartgoldsmith.co.uk and
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