Lauren Pattison

Written by: Si Hawkins
Published: Friday 14th February 2025

It was the first of times, it was the worst of times.

This time we welcome Lauren Pattison, back with us for an epic edition of FGWG2, before heading off on tour with a new show that feels the fear and does it anyway.

Big Girl Pants is "about turning thirty and wanting the next chapter to be even better than the one before," Pattison explains. "It's about not enjoying being an anxious person, and wanting to be a bit braver instead of running away from things."

This week she'll be boldly going to the Leicester Comedy Festival, for the first of those dates. Where does stand-up rate among the scariest things she's done?

"Weirdly, I don't find stand-up particularly scary. It's my comfort zone, I've done it for so long and since I was pretty young that, while of course I still get nervous, it brings me so much enjoyment (most of the time) that I can't be scared by it.

"I feel like the things I am scared of are so silly, and that's sort of what this show touches on. What I find scary or worry about might be so inconsequential to someone else, but I would probably roll my eyes if they said they were scared to do stand-up because to me that's no big deal!"

She's phlegmattison. What else is Lauren up to this year?

"Who knows what 2025 has in store, but let's hope it's lovely."

Right. Now, back to her native north east.

First headline set?

I am pretty sure the first gig I headlined would have been Red Raw at The Stand in Newcastle back in December 2015 (yes I did search Facebook memories for the specific date, only the most accurate response for BCG).

I remember being so excited because Red Raw was one of the very first gigs I did, and The Stand had championed me so much, and have continued to do so my whole career. It felt so cool to get to headline it, even just to say I'd headlined a gig. It went so well, I think I floated home on adrenaline. Red Raw is such a smasher of a gig, we're so lucky to have a new act/new material night that can bring in a crowd of nearly 300 people on a Wednesday!

I also vividly remember when I got to headline Monkey Barrel on a weekend for the first time and I genuinely felt really proud. To just be some little shy lass from Newcastle who stumbled into stand-up and be headlining one of the best clubs on a weekend, made me realise I need to be loads kinder to myself, because I'm definitely better at this than I often give myself credit for.

What's the best advice about comedy you've ever received?

Get a watch. Especially when I was in London, if newer acts would ask for advice, this is what I'd tell them and they'd look at me dumbfounded. But the main subsection of comedians who needs to hear that is new acts, and from my experience, ESPECIALLY new London acts.

No offence, don't come for me, I've sat through those new act nights with 20 comedians and all it takes is a couple to overrun and that show is now not ending 'til sunrise. The amount of new acts I'd see massively overrunning for their five-minute spots, and I just know that's such a bad habit to get into. Do your time!

Of course, we're all guilty of overrunning a couple of minutes if we get carried away, but it's not something you should be doing on the regular in my opinion, and I don't think you should be doing it at all when you're new. You've got to earn the right to overrun!

I once tried out for an opportunity when I was still a relatively new comic, and I didn't make the cut because I overran. I was wearing an analogue watch and misjudged how long I'd been on for and I was so gutted because I'd been so proud for making it to the selection stages. I spoiled it for myself not 'cause I wasn't funny, but the promoter couldn't trust I wouldn't over run.

Never worn anything other than a digital watch since.

Was there a particular breakthrough gig for you, where stuff suddenly came together?

I think for me it was a gradual process, I gigged a lot. I spent my student loan on megabuses and windowless hotel rooms so I could gig all over and get as much experience as I could. Even when I moved to London, I didn't just gig in London. I would still travel all over, playing different rooms in different cities to different audiences because I thought it was the best thing to do to learn and develop as a comic.

I think the big breakthrough for me though where maybe people took a bit more notice of me was my Edinburgh debut in 2017. There can be this difference in attitude to what a 'circuit comic' is and a 'fringe comic' and there can be some snobbery, on both sides. I think people knew I could do the circuit but hadn't anticipated I was capable of having a very strong fringe show. I've always found that attitude baffling and I see no reason why you can't do both.

To be honest. I feel like I surprised people and I thought well, that'll teach you all to underestimate me!

What's the worst stage you've ever played on?

I don't know if it's fair to say the worst, but the one that gives me nightmares is I did one of those lockdown gigs in a car park outside the airport where everyone sat in their cars and watched.

No offence to the gig itself or the organisers, it was trying times indeed, but there is nothing you can do to make that gig not weird. You are literally performing to cars. I got told I could ask them to beep their horn if they were enjoying it, but then when I arrived they told me that wasn't the case but I could get them to put their windscreen wipers on.

There were still flights happening and at one point a Jet2 flight went soaring above my head drowning me out completely and I thought 'so the horn tooting of a few cars may be too noisy but an aeroplane taking off is not an issue.'

To make it worse, there were no other comedians on, I was actually the warm-up for the screening of the film Back To The Future. The whole thing was surreal.

The oddest audience member?

In Edinburgh 2022 someone started on my boyfriend at the back of the room!! I was unaware of the specifics, but I could hear what can only be described as the beginnings of a commotion. It stopped quite quickly so I just plodded on and assumed it was nothing.

It was only after, my boyfriend told me a guy had been sat next to him, and you know what it's like in Edinburgh, you're packed in quite close. This guy was taking up both armrests available to him, and as a result any time my boyfriend (with no arm rests) slightly shuffled in his seat, their arms would brush. My boyfriend shuffled one time too many in his seat and this guy hit the roof and started being so abusive to him!

When my boyfriend got up at the end to help me with the card reader, apparently he looked very sheepish and shuffled straight out. It just felt really strange to me, because my audiences tend to be so lovely and friendly, my show is lunchtime so people are usually not worn out yet, and this seemed a mad overreaction.

I was so curious what his story was, I wondered if he'd maybe had a really bad morning and just snapped. I'm kind of glad he didn't punch my boyfriend, but then again it might have got me some press up there if he had...

Is there one gag/routine that worked a lot better than you expected?

Do you know what is the most infuriating thing as a comedian - when you spend hours, days, weeks, months crafting a bit of stand-up until it's perfect... and then one day you'll have a random half-baked idea pop into your head so you try it on stage AND IT WORKS STRAIGHT AWAY. But then you can't even be too mad because clearly you've found something that works and that's obviously a good thing.

It's just so funny (and mildly frustrating to me) that sometimes a bit takes so much of your time and energy to get right, but you keep at it because you so badly want it to work. And other times you get a silly idea when you're on the toilet/making fish fingers/picking up your dog's poo and of course when you try it out loud that's the bit that ends up arriving in your mind fully formed needing little to no work.

I spent so long getting so many bits of this show right, and then literally a couple weeks before Edinburgh I had this daft idea which I thought might have legs (which I won't spoil) and the first time I tried it, the audience immediately enjoyed it so much. No assembly required for that routine, it proved to be ready built!

Your worst gig-travel experience?

Oh my this brings me into a blind rage just thinking about it. It was heading up to the Edinburgh Fringe in 2022.

I decided to head up on one of the last trains to Edinburgh at around 10pm. It's a relatively short, pleasant 90 or so minute journey. I would get to make the most of a last evening with my dog and my partner (that is the correct pecking order), getting into Edinburgh and heading straight to bed knowing I would wake up in the morning fresh and ready for my first show. This proved to be a catastrophically bad decision.

We made it to Alnmouth, which is 30 minutes into the journey and were told we would be delayed here because of a fire near the tracks further ahead. I sent a text at 22.47 to let my partner know. At 02.30am I was STILL AT ALNMOUTH!!! I am having to pause while typing this because I am still angry. There were I think two trains ahead of us that they turned and sent back to Newcastle. Did they turn us back, especially as we were closer to Newcastle than the trains ahead of us? NO. They kept us sitting on the train.

I was desperately calling everyone I knew at home in the hope someone would answer and be willing to drive to Alnmouth and get me but everyone was selfishly asleep. How dare they. Throughout this whole thing we were getting no updates, so I didn't want to go to sleep in case I missed anything should any news arrive. I was spiralling and befriending whichever poor soul was manning LNER's social media that night in a desperate search for information on my quest.

At 03.17am (I told you, only the most accurate answers for BCG) we made it to Berwick. A mere five hours after we departed Newcastle, we had made it to the train station 40 minutes away. At least we were moving! WRONG! We were held at Berwick for a further two hours. There were no taxis because all the taxis had been used to sort the passengers on the trains ahead of us. They managed to sort four taxis and told us that was all and there'd be no more. It was like something from Titanic where those with children understandably went first and took those coveted handful of spaces to freedom.

Finally at nearly 6am, eight short hours after I got on the train, I arrived in Edinburgh. My first show was at midday. I had not slept. I was not fresh. I was stale. I emerged from that train a different woman to when I got on. I received £12 back in compensation.

Who would join you on your dream bill (dead or alive) and what slot would you take?

My dream bill would consist of sets by Rob Rouse, Bridget Christie and Katherine Ryan. Bo Burnham would emerge from retirement to do a special secret guest spot. I'd like Laura Lexx to MC, and Ross Noble to headline. It would be a very long gig, and there's a possibility it may never end but what a lovely time we'd all have.

I would probably have to go on first to set the bar nice and low for everybody else to pole vault over as they smash it into another dimension.

Lauren Pattison: Big Girl Pants is touring until June. Details